


The Future I want Is With You

by kokichiyoulilshit



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Please please read the tags!!!, Post-Super Dangan Ronpa 2, Pre-Super Dangan Ronpa 2, Some Humor, Super Dangan Ronpa 2 Spoilers, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:20:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 43,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27928915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokichiyoulilshit/pseuds/kokichiyoulilshit
Summary: A year and a half ago when Komaeda Nagito first woke up from the Neo World Program, he was given a second chance at life. His entire world was flipped upside down, but his undying love for a certain spiky-haired with a green tie never changed and never will. But that leaves the question: how will he win his heart over? Unless. . . he already has. But of course, love isn't that easy and simple.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 55
Kudos: 126





	1. The Bench Where I Told You Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags as I will not put cws at the beginning of the chapters unless it goes overboard!!!  
> This my first work on ao3, I hope it doesn't disappoint and thank you for taking your time to read this! I'm writing this for comfort, therefore some of the wording can be chunky and the overall character dialogue/personality/plot may seem "cringy". Though, It would be very flattering if anyone other than myself likes this. Enjoy (:

The warm sun shone bright like a light-bulb, both annoying and tiresome for the eye. The sea gave a calm aura to the island, an aura familiar to those of hope yielding people and of hope itself. A no longer aura (the sky didn't feel as alive as it had been during the simulation, even when none of that was really real) that never failed to comfort Nagito, even when he had to live his entire life in a cycle of good and bad luck: a cycle that he had no control of. He felt very lucky to be alive, despite him dying when he and his classmates were stuck in the Neo World Program. At times, he thought that his luck was a blessing and once asked others to call him the ‘Ultimate Hope’ (ironic how the one he loved had that very title). He wanted to be appreciated by others, to be loved and remembered. But he also wanted to use his talent to spread hope worldwide, even if it meant sacrificing himself. He described his love as ‘selfless’, while many didn’t view it that way and simply labelled him as ‘insane’ because of their lack of understanding ( _even before_ the program, they _didn't_ care for him) and Nagito's lack of explaining. _However_ , a few of his classmates tolerated him and his ideologies, they wanted to truly understand him because they couldn’t believe that he was ‘a bad person’.

They were all trying to recover from the past events and figured out that _healing was not easy_.

 _“We investigated together, you were so kind. I don’t want to believe this!”_ the words repeated themselves one after another, with no end nor beginning, blending in like some repetitive enchantment for some spell or potion to a sorcerer's brew.

Nagito’s inferiority complex, self-hatred, and harmful ways of viewing himself were slowly starting to fade over time. He even began believing that one day, he was going to be with the one made for him. That 'one', referring to none other than Hinata Hajime. Hajime's mere presence brought Nagito feelings of love—“Hm,” He rubbed his forehead, his brain aching from all the constant thinking. He was relaxing his back on a bench, but it felt more like a hard rock to him. His back was aching just as much as his brain was from overthinking.

“You seem to be thinking hard. What you’re thinking of might not even be worth your effort, in the end.” said a newly heard voice, the voice belonging to the Ultimate Imposter who had not yet told their classmates about their name nor identity. They were still working on that. Well, their talent was being an ‘Imposter’, meaning that it was no way out of the ordinary for them to use other people’s identities as their own. This must-have led them to their lack of identity and dependency on themself.

“Hope can’t be created when you're pretending to be someone you aren’t.” Nagito whispered to himself, however, the other heard him perfectly fine. _Maybe he wasn't even trying to whisper._ The Ultimate Imposter seemed anything but bothered by Nagito’s rambling. He wasn’t the most tolerable person, but his class grew to understand him and his needs more as time went by. As he began expressing himself more and learning about self-love and its power to completely change a person’s confidence in themself.

“You’re right,” they responded and took a seat next to Nagito, their face showing slight concern for their white-haired classmate. “It takes time to change, as you can see from not only myself but from everyone else too. Especially for a certain tsuntsun hair you seem to _really like_.” they added, a small smile forming on their face before disappearing as quickly as it had appeared.

Nagito let out a light laugh, knowing exactly who the Ultimate Imposter was speaking of. Though, he wondered how in the world would they have known about Nagito’s feelings and his nickname for Hajime. Suddenly, he stopped laughing, “I guess so.” He shrugged off the words, not seeming to pay too much attention to them. He was feeling neither good nor bad, but a neutral feeling that went in between the two. He hoped the Ultimate Imposter wasn't being too serious. If anyone found out about his crush on their leader and humanity's hope, he might go as far as to leave the island and never come back. He and Hajime were on very good terms, he didn't want to ruin the friendship they formed because of his stupid feelings for the other.

The Ultimate Imposter caught on with what was going on, though they decided not to mention any of that. They are an expert when it comes to expressions and reading them as they've perfectly disguised themselves as other people for nearly their entire life. “How about I ask Hajime to tag along?” they suggested, trying hard to lighten up Nagito’s mood only for Nagito to slowly shake his head as a response. Deep down, he wanted to see Hajime more than anything else, but he had already hung out with Hajime a lot throughout the week and didn’t want to screw up his relationship with him. _They were close_ —close enough for Nagito to start creating envisions of themselves being together: happily married with three kids or so. He wondered what type of dad Hajime would be. Would he be the hard-working and strong one? The gentle and comforting one? The cool and chill one? Maybe the one _who always showed love to his lover, even in public (but, of course, kept the extreme stuff for when they were in bed only)_.

A scenario played in Nagito's mind: he and Hajime were married and sitting on their bed, cuddling and kissing as much they desired while their kids were playing games together in the next room. Everything was perfect, no luck to ruin anything—no blonde bitch to hurt them—and nothing but love and acceptance entered and stayed in _their home_.

“No one should waste their time on someone like me. I’m not worthy of anyone’s concern.” Nagito shifted his view from the sea to the floor, lowering his head and stiffening his posture. He wanted to get close to everyone, especially Hajime. But the idea of risking his relationship with anyone at all frightened him more than anything.

“Hajime deeply cares for you. He asked everyone about you this morning when you didn’t show up for breakfast.” The Ultimate Imposter decided not to gloss over their words in an attempt to give Nagito his own space and time to sort things out. They decided not to say anything at all and left quietly, not a trace of them left behind. Though, Nagito felt amazing hearing that Hajime cared for him. Him: Komaeda Nagito, the Ultimate Lucky Student. The guy with unbelievable and unpredictable luck that could harm anyone without a warning. And for what? So that Nagito can receive some good luck later one? Nagito grew to hate his luck more than anything. His luck was the reason his life had gone downhill in a flash. . .

Shortly after the Ultimate Imposter left, another one of Nagito’s classmates appeared. _Not just any classmate,_ though. The very classmate Nagito had wanted to see all morning and would have if he hadn’t locked himself inside his small cottage. “Good morning. I have something I want to tell you,” said Hajime as he stood next to Nagito with a tray of sweets, he placed a transparent bag filled with sugar and thumbprint cookies. The bag was neatly decorated: a mint green ribbon wrapped around the top of the bag to keep it sealed and faint white bunny shapes were imprinted on the bag. Hajime moved closer to check up on the white-haired boy and watched as Nagito held the bag of cookies in his hands, sparkles and hearts in his eyes. He was truly amazed! He was receiving a gift? How wonderful was his relationship with Hajime! They’d become closer by the day after he woke up from the Neo World Program. They even started to use each other’s first names, held hands, hugged, and came in physical and emotional contact a lot more often than Nagito’s heart could handle.

The bag resembled something Nagito had given Hajime a while back: hope cookies that he wanted to eat with him. The similarity made him smile as he gently removed the ribbon and stared down at the cookies. They were baked perfectly, Hajime must have used an ultimate talent of such to make them. Nagito’s smile grew a little wider as he changed his view from the cookies to the brunet. “Thank you, you really shouldn’t have. I don’t deserve it. But, is the entire class going to come up to me, one by one like this is some interview, as an attempt to ‘cheer me up’?” he said sarcastically, trying to lighten the mood a little. _He always felt comfortable and safe around Hajime._

“You have me all to yourself, no one else is coming.” answered Hajime with a normal tone for such a _funny wording choice_. Nagito shook off the thought of romance possibly being in Hajime’s words and instead, took a cookie from the bag and examined it carefully. His eyes sparkling even more as he saw a message imprinted on the random cookie he’d picked.

“I don’t always understand others. But, I really wish to understand you more than anyone I’ve ever met. And finally, I do. I forgive you, Nagito. You will always remain as a slightly strange but kind and calming person to me.” read the message. Nagito’s smile grew wider while his eyes stayed focused on the message. His eyes just couldn’t leave those touching words. His heart fluttered, he wanted to kiss Hajime all over his handsome face while enveloping himself in his warmth. _He wanted to—_

“Only one of the cookies has the message. Meaning that it was your luck who led you to this specific one. The very same luck you hate. Your luck is telling you to forgive yourself, Nagito.” Hajime words hit close to home for Nagito, very hard and very on point. “The past doesn’t exist for you to belittle yourself about.” Hajime placed his hand on Nagito’s shoulder, slightly raising his voice in an attempt to sound convincing and serious. “I clung on to the thought of you being a good person for a long time and I was right. You are a kind person.” he finished off, his chill smile changing into a shy one.

“Thank you, really.” Nagito flinched a little at the touch and paused, “I’m just not sure on how to react towards your kindness. Should I be feeling happy that you’re here to comfort me? Or should I feel guilty for causing you and everyone else so much trouble?” he laughed with a carefree, hoping for Hajime to not make any comments about the words that had left his mouth. He truly didn't want to burden Hajime any more than he already had. 

“You aren’t causing anyone trouble, Nagito. In fact, I’ve never felt this happy with anyone before.” Hajime removed his hand from Nagito’s shoulder to scratch the back of his hair, his face turning slightly red. Nagito didn’t react whatsoever, everything Hajime had just said was still processing through his mind. But, he could feel a rush of happiness flowing through his heart. Though, he simply blinked twice, giving the impression to Hajime that he was lost in words. “Let’s talk about something else, then. Like, how about this!” Hajime pulled out a small bunny keychain from wherever he was keeping it.

“A bunny?” Nagito’s mind went blank. Was Hajime offering him even more things? Was it perhaps meant to be considered a gift? The bunny plushie reminded him of the time he and his parents spent together in a toy shop when he was younger. They bought foreign toys from different cultures, due to his mother’s various interests and job. He’d gotten cute plushies, a toy train set, puzzles, blocks, all sorts of things! But what he’d loved the most was the teddy bear that had once belonged to his mother. The teddy bear was named ‘Luna’, after the moon because of its dark fur and crystal white eyes, resembling that of the moon. Of course, the bear could have been named ‘Tsuki’, the Japanese word for ‘moon’. Given his mother’s open interpretation of practically everything, the bear was given a non-Japanese name.

“When I look at you Nagito, the first thing that comes to mind is a bunny. Your hair is soft, while you can be pushy to reach your goal, you never have any sort of intention of harming others.” Hajime thought for a second before completing his sentence, “Which is strange, strange like a bunny? I don’t know.” Hajime rubbed his head, sighing to himself. He was on the right track with the soft hair saying until he tried digging deeper into the matter. Trying to reveal more meaning from something overlooked by others. He’s always been like this: trying to look further into others, clinging dearly to anything that proves something’s genuine nature.

“What does that have to do with a bunny, Hajime-kun?” Nagito went back to his usual optimistic self, laughing at anything that was even in just the slightest bit of calming or funny. This behaviour was very worrying, as it was a part of Nagito's _unhealthy_ coping mechanism.

Hajime glared at Nagito judgingly before relaxing his face and opening his mouth to speak his thoughts. “Formalities have always been awkward for me, Nagito. So go on, drop the ‘kun’.”

Nagito was already amazed that he and Hajime were on first-name-basis, now Hajime wanted for them to not only use each other's first names but also with no honorifics? Only super close friends do that! Nagito felt more than honoured to be considered so highly of Hajime, not understanding why Hajime was so kind towards him. “Really, Hajime-kun?!. . . Hajime, thank you.” The mention of his first name without any sort of honorific made Hajime smile. It made him feel like he was being viewed for himself.

“It’s nothing, really. Just simple human decency.” Hajime gripped on the edge of the bench. “About the resemblance of you and a bunny: well, bunnies seem like simple creatures at first—they are generally viewed like that. They’re seen as cute, but the minute they act anything other than being cute, they’re then viewed more differently, usually negatively.”

“Hajime-kun. . . Hajime, I don’t follow? Sorry, haha.” Nagito let out a nervous laugh, interested in understanding the full story behind Hajime’s view of Nagito being ‘like a bunny’. He wondered, was that how Hajime completely saw him? Or did Hajime have mixed feelings about him? Either way, he was already happy enough to have someone close to him, not to mention someone who helped him so much.

“When we were inside the Neo World Program, at first, everyone thought you were just a chill guy. _I thought so too._ Though the minute you brought up your view on hope, their view on you changed. You’re more than just one thing, but we—we didn’t see that _back then_.” explained Hajime, Nagito was still not 100% clear of what he meant, but he appreciated Hajime’s attempt of explaining.

“I don’t understand very well, but couldn’t this sort of thing be applied to other animals then?” responded Nagito, trying to be the least awkward as possible.

“Well, you’re more similar to a bunny!” Nagito lightly laughed at Hajime’s sudden ‘burst’ of a typical tsundere characteristic. “I’ll explain in more detail later after you understand it more clearly on your own. Anyways, Nagito, I have something else for you.”

Nagito caught off the brunet from speaking any further. “More?! I’m afraid I’m going to have to shoot down your proposal. Two presents were more than enough to make my heart melt. One more and it’ll be the end of me!” Nagito laughed a sort of laugh that was rather cheerful, despite the wording.

Hajime, on the other hand, looked like he was on the verge of melting like an ice cube on a summer day. “‘Proposal? Heart melt?’ You’re making it sound like I’m asking you to be my soulmate .” Hajime tilted his head down in an attempt to hide his embarrassed face from the other.

Nagito blushed lightly at the idea of being Hajime's lover for eternity. “Ah, sorry for making it sound so weird. You just mean a lot to me.” He trailed off into his own world of fantasies and dreams, a light shade of pink painted across his face. His dreams weren’t what others would consider ‘big’ or ‘special’, all he longed for was eternal happiness with someone who would offer him their heart and love. Oh, how badly he wanted that someone to be _Hajime_.

“You do too, to _me_ and _everyone else_.” Hajime’s warm and calming words snapped Nagito out of his thoughts. Such kind and hopeful words could never slip off of Nagito's mind. _Never._

Nagito was even more love-struck than before. How couldn’t anyone be if they were put in his place? Spending time with the one you love, who is acting so kind and loving. “Thank you, a lot.” Nagito was truly lost in words, again. It seems that whenever he’s with Hajime, he’s either dozing off in fantasies of them together while listening perfectly to Hajime, has so much to say and ends up saying the least-romantic thing of them all out of fear of rejection. Or he was lost in words due to Hajime’s own words or actions.

Hajime faked a cough, “Now—your face is red.” then he let out a quiet laugh, though it rather to himself, it was loud enough for Nagito to hear.

“Hmm, it is.” Nagito didn’t try to deny it or anything, his love was way too strong for him to be able to successfully cover it up in front of Hajime, even though he was dense at times. There was no point trying whatsoever. If he tried, he’d probably make the matter worse. His luck would affect the situation and turn it against him. “Hajime, since you’re the Ultimate hope, meaning that you have every talent including mine. Does that mean that my bad luck is ineffective towards you?” asked Nagito, changing the topic completely. Well, the question was bothering him, a lot. He needed the answers from Hajime himself. He needed to know if Hajime was safe around him or not. He needed to—he needed to. . . to be able to love and protect him without having anything to fear.

“Yes.” was all Hajime had said. He didn’t sound certain, but he didn’t sound confused either. “Let’s go, you need to eat, Nagito.” Hajime suddenly stood up, standing right in front of Nagito. He put out his soft hands from Nagito to take. “I will never give up on you, Nagito.”

“Why. Why are you so k-kind to me?” Nagito asked with tears in his eyes. In just a mere second, his entire face turned into a mess from heavy crying. Hajime looked in utter shock and immediately sat back down next to Nagito, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. “Thank you.” Nagito mumbled as he tried to wipe away the tears with his jacket.

“I want to help you. Help you live the life you want to live. Help you create your own future. Because it’s yours! Meaning that you and only you are allowed to decide the outcome.” Hajime soothingly whispered and tightened his grip on Nagito’s shoulders.

“ _The future I want. . . is with you, Hajime._ ” Nagito whispered, more so told himself that in his mind since it was so quiet. Hajime heard nothing, which was great and all because Nagito was definitely not ready to properly confess just yet.

“What? Can you repeat that?” Hajime gave a confused look. Nagito responded with a reassuring smile, switching moods rather quickly.

Nagito put his arms around his stomach, almost like he was trying to comfort himself. “Can I tell you something, Hajime-k. . . Hajime?”

“Yeah sure. Though I might already know it since we're pretty close.” Hajime removed his own arms that were neatly wrapped around Nagito, and simply placed his hands on his knees. Very simple, exactly what Hajime is. 

“What I said about my life was not a lie.” he let out, let out a truth he was too afraid to say for so long. “My parents and dog are dead, I don’t have any other form of family, I won 300 million dollars, I was kidnapped in middle school, I was and possibly still am diagnosed, and got escorted by Hope’s Peak due to my talent and my talent alone.”

“I know, my talent," Hajime hesitated to finish his sentence. "I really hoped they were all lies. Though they make you sort of understandable. But, that’s nothing compared to all you’ve been through. I'd rather you happy.” Hajime looked down at his shoes, a sight of regret and pity forming on his face. His expression was still as serious as ever.

Nagito felt his heart sink, but not in a bad way. “It’s fine, I’m worth nothing. This doesn’t affect anyone nor anything.” how could someone say such words so calmly? Nagito was surely a guy full of mysteries. His words didn’t make any sense to Hajime, but they did to Nagito because of how his life had played out for him. That was something Hajime was more than certain of, though he only found out about it after the events of the, uh, killing trip.

“Do you hear yourself? You’re constantly beating yourself up for all the past events in your life that you had no control over! You still insult yourself, even when It’s more than clear that you’re so much more than what you envision yourself as.” It looked like Hajime was about to burst into tears. Nagito didn’t want to let his selfish desires overtake him, but were they really selfish?

“It’s so like you, Hajime: to care for everyone and try to help and understand them. You never let go nor ever let anything hurt you. _You’re full of hope_. Hope that I’m truly in love with.” Not only did their relationship but their view and feelings for each other change tremendously. Nagito, after a reasonable amount of time, understood and learned what true hope really was. His feelings for Hajime only grew stronger and far less deniable. There was absolutely no way he would be able to put aside or put his feelings in the back of his head now, he was madly in love with no escape.

Hajime took a reasonable amount of time to understand Nagito and his intentions far more closely than before. His feelings for Nagito aren't exactly clear, but he does care for the white-haired boy and enjoys his company, saying that it brings him _at ease_. But in the end, what happened in the Neo World Program was once again, reasonable for both sides. They were in a brutal killing game and had no memory of anything. It's only to be expected of how everyone's relationships went at the time. Now, they were all friends, and some even started dating. . . But even in the program, they still cared for one another despite not fully knowing why. Nagito apologized for mocking Hajime for being a reserve course student, though it took him some time to apologize to everyone else he had insulted. Hajime took the time to try and improve their relationship with one another. Waking up Nagito from the program, waiting for Nagito, smiling at him, holding his hand, acting very nice, and so on. It was a happy ending for both of them! From friends going to a questionable relationship but still caring for another. To a brief rivalry, then to friends again, close friends and. . . **this.**

“What do you mean by that?” asked Hajime, dense as ever. Well, that was actually a good thing for this one time. Hajime was more experience in romance than Nagito, yet he still couldn't pick up hints unless they're incredibly obvious to a level it would bring tears of laughter to know someone didn't notice them.

“What I mean is,” instead of finishing his sentence, Nagito took Hajime’s hand, lacing their fingers together, _just like he'd done with Naegi Makoto_ : the Ultimate Hope, a member of the future foundation, and their lowerclassmen from when they were students in Hope's Peak.

Nagito screwed up and nearly awkwardly confessed, so he decided to cover it up by taking Hajime’s hand to set his mind on something else, very clever. “You want to hold hands? Okay, sure. Though, I don’t see how this relates to what you said.” Hajime really was _clueless,_ or he could be aware of everything but didn't care? _Or maybe, something was going on in his mind?_

“I’m too emotionally and physically weak for anyone. I need one-on-one support, which no one is willing to give me. I’m not worth it, so that’s understandable.” Nagito’s self-loathing and rambling began, something no one was ever pleased to hear nor would ever get used to.

“Don’t talk about yourself like that.” Hajime made a ‘you’re wrong’ type of facial expression, but with a more polite wording choice. “You’re a good person. It’s as simple as that.” Yet, Nagito could never face the fact that someone who not only ruined his own life on accident but others as well, due to a stupid talent, was a ‘good person’. But even when he disagreed with Hajime’s kind words, _they were so nice and refreshing to hear._

Without thinking twice, Nagito pressed their fingers together, gently squeezing Hajime's hand, then placed his other hand on Hajime’s back, his head resting on the brunet’s stiff but warm shoulder. He took a risk, but it was a risk he was willing to take. He wanted his relationship with Hajime to be more than just friends. He needed to drop subtle hints and finally make a move. To his surprise, Hajime returned the touch and placed his free hand on Nagito’s back, a smile on his face. “Hajime, I, uhh. . .” Nagito, despite being the one who started it first, was flustered and wrapped in a coat of happiness, excitement, shyness, and awkwardness. His lack of interactions with other people kicking him right in the gut.

Hajime was flustered as well, a small blush crossing his face that his tsundere self tried to hide, claiming it was embarrassing to be seen in 'such a state'. “Let’s go get some breakfast for you. You must be really hungry, Nagito.” the blush was gone, replaced with a determined look on his face.

_The memory of being tied up and left to starve found its way in Nagito's mind. But that was in the past, now he has someone with him, someone who wanted him to be healthy and happy. He wasn't going to let Hajime down!_


	2. Imagine A Date With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this overall rushed and (kinda?) angst full chapter! Also, I wanted to mention that the pov in this story switches between different characters, mainly Nagito and Hajime.

Nagito nodded, he wasn’t much of an eater but he wanted to stay healthy, _for once._ So he can at least live by Hajime’s side, even if the brunet never returned his feelings. “Oh, the bunny keychain! Where is it?” Nagito panicked as he remembered the small item Hajime had given him. He wanted to stay close to Hajime, to have his head resting on the other’s shoulder, and to have his arms around him. But, he _needed_ to find the keychain, he couldn’t possibly lose any sort of gifts he would receive from Hajime. _They were from Hajime. The person he loves with all his heart._

Hajime let go of Nagito’s hand and instead patted his back, probably as a way to reassure the lucky student that it was okay. “I think you dropped it.” He let go of Nagito entirely, which made the white-haired quickly push himself away from the brunet, thinking that he’d upset Hajime. “Hey, look.” Hajime bent down and reached out to grab the keychain from under the bench. Nagito sat respectfully, but his eyes trailed off and began focusing themselves on Hajime’s spiky hair. For some reason, Nagito wanted to touch it for fun. He already had, before, but he missed the feeling of being special enough to Hajime that he'd be the only person to have ever touched his hair with his permission. “What are you looking at?” asked Hajime, both clueless and aware of what Nagito was looking at. _If that was possible._

“Nothing! I’m just admiring you from aside!” Nagito didn’t want to admit that he was looking at Hajime’s handsome figure. Who knows if something as simple as outright stating to be physically attracted to Hajime can ruin their relationship? He didn’t want that, not after all that amazing progress that happened between them and their relationship together. “I just think you’re dressed very well today!” Nagito attempted to lie and horribly failed, causing Hajime to give him a rather neutral look mixed with slight concern. That brunet was always physically expressive of his thoughts and reactions. He made different faces for each emotion.

Hajime knew it was an _obvious lie_ , anyone would. Nagito was an awful liar, though he barely lied anyway. He hated lying and was afraid to because he didn't want to end up hurting the ones he loves, the useless despair diseases proved that much. “Nagito, I’m wearing a simple white shirt with a tie and pants.” he said, his expression dropping to nothing, causing Nagito to feel a little nervous. What if he upset him?! This is exactly why he hates lying!

“The Hinata Hajime charm! That’s what I meant. You have your own charm, Hajime.” Nagito smiled and looked to his side, glaring at the bag of cookies Hajime gifted him. “You made these for me, truly charming.” he hoped Hajime wouldn't question him any further. Though, what he said was true. Hajime really is charming.

Hajime didn't say anything for a few seconds, causing Nagito to wonder if his words were the reason. And they were, just not _in the way_ Nagito thought. “I made them for you, to help you feel better.” said Hajime, shyly turning his head to the side. He was still as awkward as ever, taking his own time with compliments or out-of-the-blue reassurance for someone. It had nothing to do with him being distant with others or anything, but rather the fact that he was not sure himself on how to show love to others. Hajime is and nice, truly, but this sort of affection is far more than 'being nice'.

Nagito thought to himself, thought about how much he and Hajime had changed. It made him happy to think that Hajime cares for him, that he too, wants to spend time with each other. Their relationship was different years ago, but even after everything Nagito had said and done, Hajime remained patient with him. _Does he deserve it?_ Does he deserve Hajime’s kindness? “For me? I'm more than grateful, Hajime. But, why?”

Nagito could feel Hajime’s calm breathing, they were both close to one another—it felt comforting, in a way. To have someone you love next to you with their attention focused on you and you only. . . Nagito pushed away the feeling of wanting someone’s affection, the feeling he thought was so selfish for scum like him. A sense of disgust grew onto Nagito as a swarm of thoughts flooded his mind, yet not a single word managed to slip through his lips. “You’re my friend, Nagito.” Hajime broke the silence between the two and turned his gaze from Nagito’s eyes to the beautiful sea. 

“You're truly kind, Hajime.” Nagito spoke with honesty, there was no use hiding those _feelings_ when Hajime already knew how much he longed for friends. Hajime didn't make fun of Nagito or pity him for desiring something that others naturally have ever since they were born. Instead, he became his friend because he wanted to. Because he _likes_ Nagito. Because it just _felt so righ_ t for Hajime.

“Hey, weren’t you supposed to go eat?” Hajime’s tone was serious but in a light-hearted way. He probably had some sort of health fitness talent and he’s generally a kind and caring person, it was only natural for him to worry about Nagito’s health.

A soft smile made its way to Nagito’s face as he nodded in agreement. Hajime smiled back and gently patted the other on the back. “Thank you.” was all Nagito said before they departed to their location.

On the way, they met up with a bunch of their classmates who either waved a warm hello or had small chitchats, usually with Hajime, until they were cut off by his demand of Nagito eating breakfast immediately. It made Nagito’s heart flutter to hear Hajime care for his wellbeing so much. “Yoo, Hajime!” exclaimed a familiar voice from afar, Hajime knew exactly who it was.

“Let’s just keep walking, Nagito,” said Hajime and took Nagito’s hands in his own, then immediately began running as far as possible away from that voice. 

Nagito tried to keep up and was left confused as he turned behind him to see Kazuichi chasing after them. “Bro, this isn’t funny y’know!” said Kazuichi, lost in-breath, seeming like he’d walked for hours non-stop searching for Hajime. . . which was the case.

“I’ll talk to you later, Nagito needs to eat.” was all Hajime said, barely any context nor much of a reason to ignore one of his closest friends.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about me.” Nagito stopped, causing the other to stop as well. Hajime squeezed Nagito’s hands and rolled his eyes at Kazuichi, who had finally caught up.

“I didn’t know you—” Kazuichi tried to speak but his mere effort was immediately interrupted by the spiky-haired.

“That’s none of your business, Kaz.” Hajime rolled his eyes yet again. Surviving a whole killing game made him more sarcastic than he ever was. Nagito smirked to himself at that remark, for some reason he felt somehow proud of Hajime for being more bold, even though he’d probably cry if Hajime was that bold towards him. Hajime wouldn’t do that to him and the thought of being treated more lovingly than someone else, as selfish as it is, made Nagito happy.

“I’m a bit lost. Should I excuse myself so you two can have a moment?” Nagito was nothing but confused, very confused. Why was Kazuichi running after Hajime? Why was Hajime ignoring him? _What question did Kazuichi have?_ Why didn’t Hajime answer it?

Hajime’s shoulder stiffed for some mysterious reason, he held his breath before calmly letting it out. “No, it’s fine, Nagito.” he said softly, something Nagito could never get sick of. One of Hajime’s soft features was his voice when he was calm.

Nagito didn’t have much to say but praise Hajime for his beauty, which he decided to say another time. He blinked twice, unsure of what to say. “Uhm, then should we leave?” He suggested which Hajime immediately nodded to. Hajime ran off, still holding hands with Nagito.

“Yo, Hajime!” Kazuichi let out a sigh of defeat and went back to his cottage, upset that he did not receive an answer from his soul friend and feeling like he had been replaced by Nagito.

At last, the two were finally at the restaurant the class always met up in the morning for breakfast and other meals. Nagito finally realized that he and Hajime had been holding hands the entire way through but had never noticed, it was all-natural for them. He both smiled and lightly blushed, happy knowing that Hajime considered him someone dear to him. “Dammit, there’s no more food left!” Hajime sighed and let go of Nagito’s hand, which woke him up from his thoughts overfilling his mind.

“It’s really fine, Hajime. I’m already happy enough that you decided to spend your time with me. I’m truly, very happy.”

“I’m gonna cook something up, wait right here.” Hajime ignored Nagito’s decline and motioned for him to take a seat. Despite not wanting to tire Hajime, Nagito took a seat and watched as the brunet began wonderfully cooking.

While Hajime was cooking, Teruteru arrived back at the restaurant and seemed rather pleased with seeing someone other than himself cooking in the kitchen. Teruteru had a cute voice and the appearance of a sweet child, despite his pervy way of seeing everything he claims he’d ‘taken from his older siblings’. “Hajime-kun! I didn’t know you were so open to public affection,” said Teruteru, teasingly of course. Hajime was seen as a Tsundere by a lot of his classmates, so they’d usually tease him in hopes of seeing him act like a typical Tsundere, which they found rather _cute._

Nagito laughed nervously in response and Hajime paid no attention to Teruteru’s words. “It’s nothing like that. Hajime’s simply kind enough to make me a meal, though I really don’t deserve it,” he explained, only to get Teruteru lifting his left brow as an answer. As surprising as it was, Teruteru didn’t add anything to his words and went to the other side of the kitchen, cooking his own meal, then leaving off to someplace else. Hajime was taking sweet time, his sweet time for Nagito.

A few minutes passed and the dish Hajime made was finally done. Nagito’s eyes sparkled as he looked down at the plate Hajime had put in front of him. Three very appetizing-looking pancakes with syrup and fruits on top, toast on the side, and a perfect blueberry muffin. “Amazing!” He chanted, cupping the muffin in his hands. “And done so quick? How amazingly full of hope you are Hajime!” Nagito took a bite out of the mouth, looking very pleased with Hajime’s cooking.

“It’s nothing, really.” Hajime brushed off the compliments and took a seat in front of Nagito. He cut the pancakes for Nagito and handed him a fork to eat them with. The two looked at each other, happiness in their eyes. 

“Thank you, you have no idea how happy I am to have such an amazing person as yourself do all these kinds of things for me.” Nagito rambled on while finishing the muffin, moving on to the pancakes. Hajime had decided to cook something sweet and light for Nagito, knowing how much Nagito loved ‘beautiful things’ and how much he secretly craved for sweets. Hajime was planning on cooking Nagito another meal today, far more healthy to balance off all the sugar.

Hajime gave Nagito a carefree look and nodded. “Anytime.”

A yell, not an angry or terrified one, but rather an amused one, was heard from outside the restaurant, causing Nagito to jump a little at the sudden loud noise. Hajime immediately put his hand over Nagito, knowing that the loud noise might not stop and that Nagito needed to be comforted. “Ibuki didn’t hear you, Mikan-chan!” said Ibuki from outside of the restaurant, though her voice was still loud enough to be heard from inside.

“I love you, Ibuki!” responded Mikan, also yelling. So it was a confession, cute. _Hajime wondered how it was like to confess to someone and have them return those feelings._ He came to the conclusion that it gave an instant mood boost and an extra ray of sunshine in someone's life.

Hajime hoped that Nagito wasn't feeling too anxious, loud noises were things he despised greatly and Hajime did not want to ruin their morning _together._ “It’s okay, I’ll just go tell them to keep it down.” as Hajime finished talking, loud music began playing. _Great._

Nagito’s words were desperate and 'needy', “Please hurry.” he whispered to Hajime, who let go of the lucky student's hand and did as he was told. 

Hajime walked outside and saw the two girls next to each other. Ibuki was holding her guitar, playing it until she noticed Hajime. She put it down in its case and looked at her love. Mikan fiddled with her fingers, a blush quickly forming on her face. Hajime was not yet used to Mikan with short hair and Ibuki’s hair even more flashy than before. “Ibuki, could you play your music somewhere else? Loud noises make Nagito—uncomfortable and anxious.” hesitation was found in Hajime’s words, he didn’t know if Nagito was okay with anyone else knowing about his fear of loud noises.

“Hajime-kun! U-uhm. . . we’re really sorry, we’ll leave right now!” apologized Mikan, looking at Ibuki and giving her a worried face. Ibuki only smiled to her, reassuring her girlfriend that everything was okay. Even after nearly two years of recovery, Mikan and everyone else needed more time and Hajime was more than willing to help them. Seeing his friends and classmates be truly happy made him happy himself. Not because of the saviour complex he wished to get rid of, but because they were important to him and deserved happiness above all.

“That’s not what I meant, Mikan. Don’t worry, It’s just an honest mistake.” Hajime reassured Mikan. He knew that when it came to talking to her, it was best to explain everything right off the bad before she misunderstands due to her constant fear of being hated. “How about you two come inside? I’m sure Nagito will be happy to have more company.” Hajime hadn’t realized it, but a huge smile appeared on his face once he mentioned Nagito being happy.

“C’mon, Mikan-chan! You’re so cute when you’re all shy, but Ibuki and Mikan-chan should go inside to Nagito-chan! You can take my hand if you’re nervous.” offered Ibuki, immediately taking the purple-haired's rough hands. Being a nurse meant sacrificing her hands to all sorts of chemicals and tasks.

“Uhm, o-okay! I love you!” Mikan squeezed Ibuki’s hand and followed her inside the restaurant. Ibuki skipped along like a happy child and Mikan followed by her side, quietly but happily, happy to have her love help her through something no one had ever helped her through.

Hajime then remembered something, something important. Even after Nagito and Mikan had both apologized for their own actions, Mikan was still nervous around Nagito while he was still hesitant around her. No wonder why she was acting all strange at the mention of Nagito’s name. Hajime shortly followed right after, taking a seat right next to Nagito while the two girls simply stood nearby.

“Hmm, Hajime, you didn’t tell me you bringing guests over?” chuckled Nagito, light-hearted as ever. Hajime wanted to squish his cheeks, he bet they were squishy and soft. But it wasn’t the time to dive into weird thoughts, Mikan and Nagito were in the same room! It was up to Ibuki and Hajime to take control of the situation and its outcome.

“Nagito, we can leave if you want. Mikan and Ibuki have some things to sort out while we don’t really.” declared Hajime, making the first move and breaking the silence between the room. Hajime hated awkward scenarios and this one had reached its peak's level.

“It’s fine.” Nagito’s voice was stable and clear, his eyes directly looking at Hajime. “I don’t _hate_ Tsumiki-san, it was all a simple misunderstanding that we both 'sorted out' a while back.” he lied. His voice was soft and so was his expression. His eyes looked pitiful but his mouth was still curved into a smile. Nagito finished the last pancake left and got up, ready to leave.

“Ibuki and Mikan-chan wish you two fun!” Ibuki grinned and put her arms around Mikan, enveloping her in a hug. Mikan returned the gesture, her expression calming down. 

“Hmm,” said Nagito, watching the two and their romantic moment. He then looked at Hajime, who was looking elsewhere, his mind in its own world. Nagito smiled, imagining himself and Hajime hugging the same way Ibuki and Mikan had, holding each other like they were the only ones in the world. The idea made his heart flutter and he was not ready to walk around with a red face, so he decided to shove the toast in his mouth in hopes of clearing his mind of his romantic fantasies between himself and Hajime. They were likely not even going to happen! He was simply hurting himself every day by thinking of the possibility that his feelings are returned. If Hajime only thought of him as a friend, he might weird him out with his confession or might even mess up before Hajime could get the idea. The possibilities of failure or a pathetic and unnecessary downhill to the relationship between them made Nagito fear confessing more than ever.

“Let’s go then.” Hajime got up as well, looking at the lucky student who was lost in thought. “Hey, earth to Nagito? Are you okay?” He gently shook the other boy’s shoulders in an attempt to bring him back to reality and succeeded in doing so.

Nagito lightly shook his head, hoping for the random headache to leave him alone. “Ah, right. Sorry, Hajime.” he apologized sheepishly, like some kid, something he was far from being. Adults shouldn't act childish, he believed. Growing meant spending more time with Hajime and learning or experiencing more with him. 

The boys waved their goodbyes and left the girls to themselves, causing Nagito to feel a little jealous that yet again, another romantic relationship was formed amongst his classmates while he was left hopelessly love-struck and also very single. “So, Nagito, wanna 'crash' at my place?” said Hajime as they walked in silence, no one else around them to hear or disturb them. _Nagito had Hajime all to himself._

“I would love to, but I don’t think I deserve to waste any more of your time.” answered Nagito, an answer Hajime was not happy with, but also not surprised with. The brunet wanted Nagito to understand that he is deserving of friends and love. Everyone is. 

“You’re not wasting my time. I like you Nagito, a lot. A lot more than I’ve ever liked anyone. You make me feel a certain feeling that takes over my mind completely. I can’t stop thinking about you, your smile, your voice, your face, your soft hair, your hands. . .” whispered Hajime, a bright smile on his face. The poetic word choice was sudden, Hajime must have used the Ultimate Poet talent. But nonetheless, Nagito smiled like an idiot, _like an idiot drunk on love._

Nagito didn’t want to assume the meaning behind Hajime’s words, but his heart leaped and ached from thinking that maybe, just maybe Hajime meant it romantically. He didn’t listen to the part of himself who tried to convince him that he wasn’t worth anyone’s love and opened his mouth to speak, holding back tears, “Hajime. . . I, I feel the same way. I lo—”

“You’re the closest person I have, Nagito. It’s only natural that we hang out together. Whether you think you deserve it or not, I’ll never stop asking you to spend time with me.” Hajime cut Nagito off from confessing, which was very fortunate because Nagito had just gotten friend zoned right on the spot and confessing like that would have made him feel a shame so strong it could be felt by others.

Nagito froze, it was confirmed, Hajime only viewed him as a friend. _Never as someone else_ , as someone he’d want to hold closely and whisper loving words while playing through his hair and kissing his cheeks. “I think we should call it a day. I’m. . . tired.” they arrived in the area the cottages were located.

“Oh, okay. You should get some rest, so we can hang out again, tomorrow.” Hajime shot the other a strong smile, an unbreakable smile, unlike Nagito’s.

“Yeah.” lied Nagito, he was obviously not going to be okay after knowing that Hinata Hajime, the person he loved, wanted to protect and understand more than anyone had rejected his feelings, kind of. “Bye.” was all that managed to form in his mind.

“Rest well, Nagito.” responded Hajime and waved a genuine goodbye, parting his own way to return to his cottage. Nagito walked over to his, slightly shaking the doorknob, tears streaming from his eyes all the way to his chin.

“I love you, Hajime, more than anyone.” whispered Nagito, _all to himself_ , before opening the door and slowly entering.

Nagito removed his shoes and carelessly threw them off somewhere, not caring one bit despite being a generally tidy person. He took off his jacket, throwing it off to the side. The truth overwhelmed him, the truth that Hajime never saw him as anything more than a mere friend he also viewed everyone else as. He tried wiping the tears away, but the effort was a waste of time, the tears didn’t stop. 

He’d fooled himself, told himself that he and Hajime were on a date together. They held hands on the way to the restaurant, but not on the way back. The way back, more like the way to heartbreak. . . ‘Heartbreak’? Now it sounded like they’d broken up, broken Nagito’s fantasies into shreds with his naive words. They weren’t even dating. Hajime didn’t even like him. Ibuki and Mikan were and Nagito couldn't help but feel jealous of them. Jealous of the way they both returned each other's feelings. Hajime probably hated him, thought he was weird, ugly, disgusting, worthless, unworthy of love. Hajime probably forced himself to hang out with Nagito. He probably did so so he could protect everyone from that ass, that selfish ass who only thought of himself and no one apart. _That—_

“Nagito!” a knock on the door was heard. “Nagito, it’s Kazuichi. Open the damn door, I can hear you crying.” Kazuichi knocked once more, but Nagito didn’t answer. Didn’t say a word nor made a sound. He stayed in bed, cuddling the pillow next to him to comfort himself. Comfort himself from both his thoughts and reality. “C’mon man, open the door! Dammit, I’ll just bring Hajime over then. He’ll definitely be able to—”

Nagito jumped at the mention of Hajime. He didn’t want anyone to see his mess of a self, but Hajime coming over and seeing him crying like a baby was far worse. Nagito quickly opened the door, peering through to look at tall- pink-haired wearing a beanie standing in front of him. “What is it?” asked Nagito, clearly pissed which Kazuichi took into account.

“I don’t know man, but when I was passing by I heard you cryin’. Don’t get the wrong idea, I’m not really here to comfort you or anything. I just don’t want my soul friend sad when he hears you’re sad.” explained Kazuichi, his tone awkward and dry. At least he was honest, _Nagito hated lies._

The lucky student gasped, “Hajime? Why would he care about a lowly piece of trash like me?” he said, receiving an unpleasant look from the pink-haired. Nagito hasn't healed entirely, yet, even with Hajime by his side. It made more than sense, life-long trauma doesn't just go away in the snap of a finger. It hurt a lot and yet, Nagito didn't understand why he found comfort _in being hurt._

“Hey! Stop that, dude! You really think out of everyone, Hajime, would leave you crying all alone?” Kazuichi raised his voice, his face visibly angry. He and Hajime were close, so he of course knew the type of person Hajime was. And Nagito’s description of someone who doesn’t like Nagito snapped him in two.

Nagito sighed and smiled, “It doesn’t matter who it is. I’ve accepted my place.” he opened the door a little more, revealing his much more skinny looking body. In truth, he was a lot thinner without his jacket. Even when he ate more than before, he was still not healthy enough. How despairing, he couldn't even treat himself well for Hajime. 

“All this progress for nothing?!” Kazuichi took a step closer, his voice shaking a little. Was he afraid? _Afraid of Nagito?_ Well, that was understandable. After all, Nagito possessed an unpredictable talent that no one but itself can control.

Nagito thought to himself, thought about how much of a disappointment he was. “Why should it matter to anyone? Why for Hajime? Perhaps a 'pitying others' talent comes along with all his marvellous ones?” he rubbed his forehead, visibly exhausted both mentally and physically. All he wanted was to be left alone so he could slowly and painfully get over everything. _That had been his way to cope with things for years prior._

“Shut the hell up! Do not realize how much Hajime loves you?!” Kazuichi looked like he was about to cry, but he didn't. He was no longer that cowardly 'Miss Sonia' freak. Hajime helped him (and many others including Nagito) understand that he was his own person and didn't need to win some rich and hot blonde princess's heart to be loved.

It was a lot to process, but Nagito surprisingly took it all in with only one gulp. “Hajime—loves me?” his voice was stable, but his eyes were once again shedding tears. Except for this time, the tears were sweet instead of sour. 

Kazuichi nodded, “Of course, dumbass.” his face softened, realizing something _crucial (?)._


	3. Overflowing Feelings For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slight delay.. On the other hand, I'm on winter break rn so I'll be updating a few days earlier than usual !! Thank you for reading X)

There were far more reasons as to why Nagito had cried. The ‘rejection’ was only part of it. But he wasn’t ready to tell anyone about his deepest, most inner thoughts. Though, he suspected Hajime might have caught a clue with his analyzing skills. **Maybe Hajime knew everything already?** Nagito dearly hoped not. He didn’t want to burden Hajime with more of his overlapping and never-ending tangled emotions.

“Ah, It seems that you’re quite unsettled by my sudden tears? I’m such a crybaby.” Nagito whipped away the tears and chuckled at his own behaviour, mocking himself for being emotional. Sure, he didn’t handle harsh words well and they pierced right through his heart like a sharpened bald. But, this was a simple ‘I think of you as a friend’, he shouldn’t be crying over that. However, Kazuichi said Hajime loved him. . . he probably meant it platonically. Nagito didn’t want to intrude Hajime’s love life, he probably didn’t even like guys to begin with. But even so, Nagito still desired for Hajime to somehow love him more than a friend. To somehow feel the same way and desire to be with him the same way Nagito does.

“Hajime, that guy, he'd be upset if he heard you beating yourself up like that.” Kazuichi rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, unsure on what to say next. He felt weird once he grasped the meaning behind this situation: Nagito was crying because something between him and Hajime had happened. But Kazuichi was still not sure, so he simply mentioned Hajime’s name with no true intention apart from finding out what had happened, rather than comforting Nagito.

Nagito smiled to himself, “Hajime’s amazing, isn’t he? It was foolish of me to believe he’d love me.” Nagito fell deep into thought while Kazuichi looked directly at him, shocked. So that was it, why Nagito was crying.

“Huh, whattt?! You love him?! Not like a bro? Like a boyfriend thing?” Kazuichi was lost in words. Yet again, another blunt guy Nagito had to deal with. 

Nagito blinked twice, amazed by how dense Kazuichi was. Hajime was dense as well, but he still took hints and reacted to them. Whereas Kazuichi, even after many hints were dropped, needed Nagito to spell every word out for him. “I think I made that more than clear,” said Nagito, slightly insulted that no one was noticing his love for Hajime. Though, maybe that was a good thing. **What if they were to tell Hajime?** That would make the confession plan Nagito had prepared useless.

“Then what’s the problem, hmm. Can ya let me in, so we can talk about it? ‘Kay?'' offered Kazuichi, a warm smile on his face, though his sharp teeth ruined it from being entirely innocent looking.

“Sure,” Nagito opened the door and let Kazuichi inside. His place was usually very organized and well-kept, but he’d just cried his eyes out a few minutes ago, so the room wasn’t that neat. He’d thrown his things all over the floor and stumbled on his bed, hence why the sheets and blanket were all messily placed.

“Thanks, man. You’re making Hajime real happy by warming up to us. Ya know?” said Kazuichi as he entered the small cottage, took of his shoes, and placed them on the side. 

“First, can you tell me what you meant by ‘Hajime loves me’”? asked Nagito, motioning for Kazuichi to sit down on his bed with him, so they can have a proper chat.

“Well, Hajime is amazing, man. He cares about everyone so much. I’m super jealous that you get all of his attention.” confessed Kazuichi, it wasn’t some sort of serious confession, but it was definitely something he wouldn’t so freely tell anyone.

“You’re _jealous_ of me?” asked Nagito, tilting his head to the side, confused on how someone would ever feel jealousy towards someone like him. “Why?” added Nagito, wanting to know the answer. _Was Kazuichi also in love with Hajime? No, that can’t be possible. Right?_

“I’ll answer that later, now tell me more about what happened between you and Hajime.” Kazuichi dogged Nagito’s question by asking something himself. Nagito knew this would be the outcome, that he would need to explain himself and realize how much of a whiny idiot he was.

“There’s more to it, actually.” he took a deep breath before continuing, “Well, you see. . . Hajime seems to consider me as ‘a friend’ and it’s quite normal for someone in love, such as myself, to want the person they’ve fallen for to return their feelings.” let out Nagito, pouring his emotions out, not worrying, for once, of someone else’s judgment on himself. Lucky him, Kazuichi didn’t mock him, instead, he kinda seemed to relate with Nagito.

“I know that feeling well,” responded Kazuichi with a soft close-mouthed smile, his pointy teeth not popping out for once. He was probably referring to Sonia, his past crush, and Gundham, his past ‘love rival’.

“There’s also,” Nagito wasn’t sure if he was ready to say any more to Kazuichi. There were other thoughts he’d push at the back of his mind, thoughts that were far too painful to say. 

Thoughts about how no one could love someone as disgusting as him. Hajime had made him feel amazing and happy, but his mind could never leave him in peace. His mind had convinced him that he was unworthy of love. The world ignored him, left him out to nearly die and fall deeply sick. His parents never paid much attention and were gone in a flash. No one approached, he never had any sort of friend. Though his class rep did treat him nicely, but the idea that she was nice to everyone didn’t ease anything. Even so, like a miracle, Hajime appeared in his life. They had a rather unfortunate start, being stuck in a killing game and Nagito seeing it as an opportunity to create hope, while everyone else either thought he was crazy or didn’t try to confront him much about his feelings. Hajime tried to understand him, but a killing game was definitely not a good time for anyone to try to understand Nagito and his hope ideology. But after all that, Hajime forgave him and offered Nagito his friendship and love. It made Nagito’s heartache, he was fully convinced that he’d die alone — until Hajime woke him up from his dream. That was when a desire to make Hajime his blossomed, it took over him. He wanted Hajime, but he still gave him a great amount of respect and personal space. Nagito’s love was pure, healthy, normal, and sweet, but his mind tried to twist it into something completely off. Nagito mostly recovered from the events within the Neo World Program, but the trauma he had before all that never disappeared from his mind.

_“It’s because you don’t have anyone to love?”_

_“Look at that rotten boy. . . His talent killed his own parents!”_

_“How brute! He should be dead! How is he allowed to live when his mere existence is a threat to our lives and health?”_

_Before, when Nagito was only a teenager, he would cut or hurt himself to cope with his problems. It felt good to him, like all his problems were washing away as the blood poured from his body._

Kazuichi’s eyes were fixated on the skinny boy in front of him, “Hey, Nagito,” he said, softly for once. Nagito’s eyes widened when he felt Kazuichi’s arms wrap around him. “Can I give you a hug?” it was sudden and unexplainable, but Kazuichi didn't want to see Hajime hurt. If he had to hug someone he hated, then so be it! Hajime meant so much to him, he couldn't let his personal feelings towards someone get in the way.

Nagito froze for a second, he didn't expect Kazuichi of all people to be willing to do such a thing to him, nonetheless. “Yes—please,” he responded and returned the gesture, though hesitant at first since he never imagined Kazuichi to ever _hug him_.

“If you’re not gonna tell me, then tell Hajime. He would understand more than anyone else.” Kazuichi let go of the hug too fast for Nagito to get comfortable, which the white-haired was somewhat happy about since he really didn’t want to weird Kazuichi out by showing off how touch-starved he truly was to the human touch.

“I don’t want to worry Hajime.” Nagito managed to say with all the thoughts swirling inside his mind. He looked down at his metallic hand, the one Hajime made for him, and smiled. But before he could finish talking, Kazuichi stood up and patted him on the back. 

The pink-haired frowned to himself and stayed quiet for a minute, thinking of something. “How about I like set you two on a date and then you properly confess?” offered Kazuichi, his eyes sparkling like he’d discovered a cure to a deadly disease. Nagito shook his head, he was improving, his mental health was improving, but it decided to take a turn today and start flooding his mind with traumatic memories and disturbing thoughts.

Nagito brought his metallic hand to his face and took a closer look at it. “I’m selfish, you see, Souda-kun.” he sighed, his eyes still glued on the hand. He probably angered the pink-haired mechanic, again. Even when Hajime spent so much of his precious time trying to help Nagito, all he could do was _hurt himself and others_.

“Open your damn eyes and see! See how much we all care for you. If you don’t care about us, then sure, push us away! But why are you pushing Hajime away?!” shouted Kazuichi, on the verge of tears. It seemed that he might have related to Nagito’s feelings in the past but was able to overcome them. The sight was painful to watch for both Kazuichi and Nagito, to see their classmate in their most despairing state.

Nagito rubbed his forehead and nodded, glittering tears slowly streaming down. “You’re right — I need to focus on other things. I’ve wanted someone’s love so desperately it’s starting to make me sensitive and blind towards everything else.”

“You should rest, kay?” Kazuichi patted Nagito’s back again, a bit more softly this time. “I’ll talk to Hajime about this. Don’t worry, I won’t mention the whole thing about you loving him.” Nagito slowly nodded, the approval for Kazuichi to leave. Kazuichi got up from the bed, put on his shoes, and quietly left the cottage, leaving Nagito to his own thoughts.

“I need to properly confront Hajime,” whispered Nagito before tucking himself in his bed. He wrapped his blanket around himself for comfort and soon dozed off to sleep rather quickly, probably due to the exhaustion of all the sudden events and emotions thrown at him.

* * *

_“Hey, can you hear me?” said a slightly shorter, brown-haired figure that stood before Nagito. Nagito knew for sure he’d met this guy, but he just couldn’t remember who he was. Until his mind clicked. He didn't just 'know this guy', he was deeply in love with him too._

_“Kamukura Izuru?” Nagito’s eyes began opening more and more until he fully recognized the brown-haired. “No_ — _Hinata Hajime, right?" Nagito corrected himself before noticing Hajime had extended his hand for him to take. Nagito took his hand and got up with the help of Hajime, a loving smile on his face as he realized the situation he was in. He's alive and Hajime is his saviour._

_“Komaeda,” said the brunet, softly with a kind glare. He smiled at Nagito and let out a small chuckle. Nagito remarked the chuckle to have been light-hearted and especially cute. Well, he already thought every single trait of Hajime’s was cute as it was._

_“Is something wrong, Hinata-kun?” asked Nagito, slightly panicking. Did Hajime hate him? It would make more than sense if he did. After all the trouble Nagito had caused for him and everyone else, it’d be only human nature to hate someone like Nagito._

_“No, nothing’s wrong! I’m just happy you were able to wake up.” Hajime squeezed Nagito’s hand before letting go of it. Nagito wanted to hold hands with the brunet for a bit longer but didn’t want to ask Hajime, he’d probably weird him out again or make him uncomfortable. After all, the life of an Ultimate Lucky Student was never predictable._

_“You’re happy?” Nagito repeated Hajime’s words, surprised at Hajime’s change. Well, they were in the real world now with no killing game. That was probably why Hajime was so much more relaxed than he was. It all made sense. Hajime was generally a kind guy, but a killing game threatened that kindness._

_Hajime turned his gaze to somewhere else, “Can we talk for a while? I have a lot to say to you, Komaeda. Don’t think I’m here to scold you, I woke you up for a reason.” Hajime’s smile remained on his face, bold yet gentle as ever._

_“Of course,” responded Nagito, a smile appearing on his face. “I hope we can sort things out.” They looked at each other, both smiling, many emotions were poured within that very moment._

_Later, after Hajime made Nagito a robotic-looking hand to replace the one he’d implanted Junko’s with. After saving The Future Foundation, **with Nagito admiring Makoto for his title** (It made Hajime feel both strange but also calmed to know that even when he and Makoto shared the same title, Nagito would always see him for himself, unlike how it was with Makoto.) alongside having a long chat with their classmates about what they were planning to do next_— _Hajime and Nagito found some time for each other. They sat down inside an old abandoned building, perfect for having private conversations. “Komaeda,” started Hajime, seeming to have a lot to say. Nagito had readied himself for anything, knowing to expect the worst. This was exactly why he was so surprised to hear a different outcome to their relationship. “I saw your dream through The World Destroyer al I created and all there’s left for me to say is. . . Komaeda, let’s be friends.”_

 _Nagito was more than shocked, lost in words. Was Hajime seriously giving him a second chance? No, Hajime was probably just left with pity after knowing everything behind Nagito, as_ **everyone had**. “Hinata-kun, you don’t need to push yourself to forgive me just because we’re classmates.” but Nagito didn’t want anyone’s pity, especially not Hajime’s. Hajime and everything about him were way out of Nagito's league. Even simply hoping of being his friend was foolish and unrealistic.

 _“Komaeda, I’ve always felt a natural but mysterious bond between us. I want to understand and help you. There’s no way I’m going to leave you alone, not for anyone’s protection_ — _but_ _because you don’t deserve to be alone.” said Hajime, causing Nagito to blush a little and remember the fact that Hajime had seen his entire dream within his own eyes and knew what he desired the most. Happiness for others and himself. Friends. A world of peace and equality. And most importantly. . . someone’s love._

 _“Hinata-kun, thank you.” Nagito felt like crying but easily held the urge, he didn’t want to make a fool out of himself or give Hajime the wrong assumptions. He wanted to seem strong, strong enough for the future Hajime desired. Crying at mere kindness would prove him weak. He had to stay strong and face whatever was thrown at him,_ **that’s what he’s been doing his entire life**.

_Hajime rubbed the back of his neck, a quick smile appearing before it turned into a kind, but neutral look. “Besides, didn’t your luck bring me to you?” said Hajime with a quiet chuckle._

_Nagito thought thoroughly about what Hajime said before deciding to ask. “What do you mean?” Nagito was left confused by Hajime’s words. Hajime fiddled with his tie, nervously. Nagito didn’t want to push Hajime into explaining something he was not comfortable talking about, but Hajime responded before he could dismiss his words._

_“Well, I’d like to think that I was selected for the Kamukura project, the thing that saved my life, because of your luck,” explained Hajime as he kept playing around with his tie. “You said you were ‘born to meet someone brimming with hope’. . .” added Hajime, trailing off in whatever thoughts he had. “Maybe that ‘someone’ is me.” his voice dropped to a simple whisper, his expression soft and relaxed._

_“Would that mean . . .?” replied Nagito, his eyes glittering at_ **_the thought._** _It was stupid of him to think that Hajime meant that in a romantic way like they were both soulmates. But even when a part of his mind kept screaming at him that he was not worth anyone's love, he still couldn't help but fantasize about him and Hajime being together._

_“That we were destined to be friends from the very beginning but the Neo World Program got in the way?” Hajime finished off the other’s sentence without hesitation. Nagito had something else in mind, but what Hajime said was enough to touch his heart._

_“There’s no way that’s possible. You’re not deserving of someone like me.” but before Nagito could say any more_ _self-deprecating_ _words, Hajime cupped Nagito’s face in his hands and gently squished his cheeks. Their eyes met for a few seconds before Nagito closed his own out of embarrassment._

_“If we’re gonna be friends, then you’re gonna have to cut putting yourself down all the damn time.” Hajime’s hold on Nagito’s cheeks was light and soft. He noted to himself that Nagito definitely needed to eat more to stay healthy and that he, Hinata Hajime, was going to look after him as any true friend would. Nagito needed a hardworking, kind, understanding, reliable, and gentle friend to complete his life. And maybe, just maybe. . . that friend could create him a new world. A world filled with love and happiness._

_“Okay, okay, Hinata-kun!” laughed Nagito, his face reddening. Hajime let go of Nagito’s face and took a step back, calm and focused. There was a slight smile on Hajime’s face, a smile of satisfaction. He was happy to hear Nagito admit defeat and allow them to be friends without any bad feelings getting in the way._

_“We’re off to a great start.” Hajime’s tone was happy, his eyes fixated on the view in front of him. The scenario was just like that in a_ **_romance_ **_movie or show. Two people sitting together, alone, somewhere far away from everyone, while watching either a sunset or sunrise together. In this case, it was a beautiful sunset, one that could bring endless tears._

_“‘Start’,” Nagito tensed up, but in a calm way. He lowered his head down, his eyes meeting with the cement floor in front of them. They were sitting on some chairs, a table right next to them, giving Nagito an idea. “do you want to eat something, Hinata-kun? I want to celebrate this moment with you,” suggested Nagito, taken aback when he saw Hajime’s neutral look shift to a happy one._

_“Sure, though I don’t think it's that big of a deal.” agreed Hajime and stood up, “Then, how about we get some Kusamochi?” his eyes glittered like that of the night’s stars in children’s books. Nagito held himself back from shouting about how cute Hajime was and kept the thoughts to himself for ‘safety measures’. He didn’t want to make Hajime uncomfortable in even the slightest bit._

_“I was thinking about something else, but okay!” Nagito smiled and felt Hajime’s gentle hands on his shoulders. They both stayed there in comfortable silence, not one word was said until Nagito felt hungry. Though, he wondered why Hajime had put his hands on his shoulders so suddenly. Was he trying to_ ** _comfort him_** _? Comfort him for what? Did he know? Know every secret Nagito had kept locked within his heart and mind? Nagito shook it off, he was definitely over-thinking. Hajime was just a nice guy, there was nothing more to it. Yet again, he was also the Ultimate H_ — _“Shall we go now?” asked Nagito, turning around so his eyes met with the brown-haired. He didn’t want to stay one minute longer._

_Hajime shrugged in agreement, took his hands off of Nagito’s shoulders, and returned to his seat, still standing. “Sure. Hopefully, we can find something to eat.” as those words escaped Hajime’s mouth, the two set off on their journey of finding food._

_When they finally found something edible after a long walk and a rare moment of Hajime letting his confidence loose and asking Makoto for a bag of sweets (mostly Kusamochi), they decided to find somewhere new to eat their well-earned food at. Instead of an abandoned building, Nagito insisted they simply stay outside in an area near where their class was staying for a while before leaving. “Hinata-kun,” said Nagito as he slowly took a bite out of the Melon Pan Hajime gave him from the sacred bag of sweets. Nagito had a lot left to say, it would take more than a day or weeks at that matter to sort out everything with Hajime. The thoughts he had earlier didn’t calm down at all, but he didn’t want to ask anyway so he pushed them down and reassured himself that Hajime didn’t know._

_“Go on, Komaeda,” answered Hajime and looked at the Kusamochi he was holding with heart eyes like it was the love of his life. Nagito quietly laughed at Hajime’s dork-like personality when he was around a literal sweet._

_But the laughing soon ended as a striking question came back to his mind. “Were you in love with Nanami-san?” Nagito finished his previous sentence and watched as Hajime tensed up immediately. He set the Kusamochi aside, his mood completely changing. If Hajime was in love with Chiaki, then Nagito would be doomed. . . **he was her killer.** No, even if Hajime never felt anything romantic towards her, she was still his friend and a good person, in the end. He'd still hate Nagito, in the end. _

_Right?_

_“I- I don’t know. She was obviously a great friend, I definitely cared about her. But, I don’t know if what I felt was_ _something_ ** _romantic_** _.” Hajime sighed to himself. Nagito related on a whole level, he too had unsorted feelings of all sorts. He wanted to tell Hajime that he wasn’t alone, but a strange inner sensation told him that it was already stupid enough of him to speak of Chiaki, so there was no point saying anything else. After all,_ **he was her killer**. “She was already dead, Komaeda. You’re not her killer.” It was like magic— _mind-reading. Hajime answered Nagito’s question so easily like he definitely didn’t just read his thoughts._

_Nagito answered his own question on that, of course, Hajime could tell what Nagito was thinking. He was the Ultimate Hope, he could do anything he desired. “I can’t help but feel terrible.” Nagito let out, not caring about conceiving his feelings any longer. Though, he would surely seal him off right after. He always did, it was like a pattern. Talking to Hajime then stopping, not saying one word to anyone else._

_“It’s not your fault no matter how much you think it is." said Hajime with a sigh, he was tired and the mention of Chiaki didn't help him feel any better. "The past can’t be changed no matter how hard we try. But the future, it can be created.” Hajime’s pride and confidence never vanished, it only grew every day. Of course, he still had plenty of insecurities and down-moments, as every human would. But he stayed strong, very strong. Nagito aspired to have something equal to Hajime’s strength, so he could live alongside him without dragging either of them down. Though he aspired to be strong for himself the most, so he could live the life he’s wanted._

_“Create instead of change.” mumbled Nagito, all to himself. Yes,_ **to himself**. Himself and himself only. He needed to care about his health and himself more! He needed to think more ‘selfishly’, but that wasn’t possible. Hajime’s smile as he kindly handed him a cat-shaped onigiri was something he wanted to protect. Not only Hajime but his other classmates as well. Not because of the petty reason he had before. He didn’t care if they were 'symbols of hope’ or not anymore. He just wanted to see them happy, while also feeling happy. Was such a thing possible? Was giving happiness to others without giving your own possible? Hajime was able to do that though. Well, of course, he’s the Ultimate Hope! 

_No, happiness has nothing to do with talent. Hajime was the one who taught Nagito and the white-haired was never so grateful to have Hajime by his side. Hajime was perfect in the eyes of the lucky student, even when Nagito was more than aware of Hajime's flaws._

_Hajime brought Nagito a different kind of hope. A type of hope that didn't need stepping stones or despair. A type of hope that sculpted the future. A type of hope that didn't need talents or extraordinary abilities to achieve and was in the matter of your own hands._ _A type of hope that Nagito learned he had within him all along._


	4. Still A Human In Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to come out two days ago but my wifi failed on me🙃  
> The next chapter will hopefully come out sooner than a week and hope you enjoy <3

“Watcha doing, Hajime?” asked Akane while watching Hajime sitting down by the beach, all alone. It was near midnight, usually, everyone was inside their cottage, getting ready to sleep. Hajime was building some sort of ‘sandcastle’ with his hands, using water he’d gathered inside a plastic bucket to smooth the edges of his creation. Hajime didn’t respond to Akane nor move at all. It was like he was a statue of stone. “Waiting for someone, Hajime? When will we have more work sent to us?” she asked more questions until Hajime responded out of annoyance. Well, she did have a point with one of her questions. Hajime and the others were still wondering when The Future Foundation will be giving them more tasks to complete. Hajime was starting to get worried, they usually sent out dozens of tasks every day, but they’ve been quiet for two days straight. If they didn’t send any tasks tomorrow then Hajime was surely going to reach out to Makoto.

“What do you want, Akane?” answered Hajime, finally, after so many tries. Akane grinned in delight and signalled something with her hands, causing Kazuichi and Nekomaru to pop out of nowhere in a glimpse so fast Hajime questioned the possibility.

“Hajime!” Kazuichi waved, his tone sweet and friendly. He sounded a bit excited and lost in whatever he was thinking of, Hajime didn’t want to know. Kazuichi’s strange thoughts were something he distanced himself from no matter what.

“We have good news for you, Hajime! So you better get yourself ready!” shouted Nekomaru in his usual outgoing self. Nekomaru was one guy Hajime could never get tired of, mostly because of the meaningful life motto that he shared with his classmates and his strong kindness. But, his loudness was nice too, if Hajime was in a good mood—which he wasn’t at the moment.

Hajime was nearly done with his ‘sandcastle’, though it was starting to look more like a ‘sand fantasy’ with all the details it had. Seashells, small colourful shards of plastic, and other items as decorations with a neatly-designed flag on top. “Hey, dude, why are you ignoring us!?” asked Kazuichi and received no response.

“You fiend! Shall you not respond to us, a great punishment will be held upon you till the day you die! Fuhahah!” exclaimed Gundham with his four dark devas of destruction in hands from wherever they came from, though Hajime expected it. The class never left him alone, he was the star of the show, the perfect boy you’d find in movies, the popular kid everyone had a crush on.

“Gundham, we are only here to congratulate Hajime-kun.” Sonia took Gundham’s hands into her own, causing him to blush uncontrollably and mumble a few words of apology to Hajime. 

“Of course, my lady.” Gundham managed to say before he and Sonia set off into their own world of romance, his hamsters crawling back into his scarf. Staring at each other’s eyes while gently holding hands, Hajime felt happy for them and a tad bit embarrassed that so many couples were formed within his class and him, someone with every talent, was as single as ever.

“Hajime, did you know The Future Foundation sent us an invitation to their party!?” Kazuichi’s eyes sparkled out of excitement as put his arms around Hajime, something he called a ‘soul friend touch’. Though Hajime’s and Akane’s question about The Future Foundation was answered, Hajime was slightly disappointed, he hoped it was something related to Nagito. That boy **was obviously not happy** when he last saw him, a few hours back.

“Did anyone happen to pass by Nagito?” asked Hajime, completely ignoring what Kazuichi had said. It was only natural for him to be more concerned about **someone’s well-being** than a party held by people **who opposed him**.

Kazuichi’s once excited face quickly into a ‘terrified’ nervous face. “Nagito is,” he tightened his grip on Hajime. Hajime gave him a confused but oddly relaxed look, making Kazuichi feel guilty for what he was about to say, knowing Hajime wouldn’t have an entirely calm reaction. “Nagito’s weird, y’know? He’s always been weird, especially when I saw him. Like, he got all emotional and stuff.” laughed Kazuichi, though it was very clear his laugh was awkward and somewhat forced.

“I don’t think that’s a problem,” answered Hajime with the same expression he had. Kazuichi was relieved, he didn’t want to upset his dear soul friend.

“Hajime is right.” agreed Gundham, his hands still linked with Sonia’s. She nodded as well and gave Gundham a loving look, causing his blush to deepen.

“Don’t go talking like you aren’t weird too, Kazuichi,” said Akane with a shrug as Kazuichi and she eyed for a few seconds. They both argued for a few minutes about whether Akane was defending Nagito or not, causing Hajime to feel a headache form in his mind due to their constant bickering.

“Being weird isn’t ‘bad’!” shouted Nekomaru, though a bit quieter for once. He was always the determined and loud type, though as comforting as it was to have someone’s full support, it annoyed Hajime to have all of his classmates cling to him like he was life.

Hajime brushed Kazuichi’s arms off of himself. “Hey, can we talk? Privately. There’s something I need to know.” asked Hajime, directly to Kazuichi, who hesitantly nodded. Hajime already knew Kazuichi was nervous, but that didn’t take away the determined feeling of knowing from him.

“Of course, Hajime-kun! We will leave immediately.” Sonia took the lead, her hands still connected with her beloved. Kazuichi ignored the feeling he felt when he looked at their hands, he desperately pushed it aside. He was sure he no longer had ‘feelings’ for Sonia, but seeing her and Gundham so happy with each other made him jealous nonetheless.

Everyone except for Hajime and Kazuichi left the beach to their cottages, leaving Kazuichi no option but to speak up. “Man, where do I begin?—He was a huge fucking mess when I saw him.” sighed Kazuichi, thinking of what to say next without exposing Nagito’s feelings towards Hajime. Hajime didn’t say anything and stared off into space, though it was clear that he was worried for the white-haired. He waited for Kazuichi to finish, he wanted to know entirely what had happened. “He's a mess, Hajime! He was crying his damn eyes out! What the hell was I supposed to do?” fear in Kazuichi's eyes as he spoke of Nagito. “I ‘hugged’ him. . . Why? Why? He’s a crazy fuck! He tried to kill us!” Kazuichi looked like he’d seen a ghost, he sat down on the soft sand next to Hajime and wrapped his arms around his knees as a way to comfort himself.

Hajime took a deep breath, Izuru’s talents came in handy for situations like this. He used two talents, though he could have used more, it would have been better if he wasn’t drowned in talents and acted like Izuru instead of himself. The Ultimate Psychologist and Ultimate Counselor were the talents he asked Izuru to lend him, in which they did with no hesitation. “Souda Kazuichi,” this was serious, very serious. It was rare for Hajime to use Kazuichi’s full name unless he needed to say something, something you can’t simply brush off. **“Please, rethink what you’ve just said.”** Kazuichi flinched at Hajime’s words, memories of the killing ‘school trip’ began playing inside his mind without an end.

“You treat him like he’s a human—A h-human would never kill others for this ‘hope’ shit of his!” tears started gathering in Kazuichi’s eyes and slowly, began dripping down like the warm hot pink blood that bled from the bodies of his classmates back in the program. They were forced to kill each other with different motives and prizes, like their lives were nothing but dust. However, Nagito didn’t seem bothered much, he just wanted to see this hope he spoke of so much.

“Nagito is strange sometimes. He had some morals different than ours, but that never changes the fact that he too, is a human capable of feeling and getting hurt in the process **by a few certain classmates of his**.” Hajime was trying to understand both sides, but it was a lot harder than it seemed. He was sure talents would solve this problem, but it seemed the emotions were beyond something a mere skill could get hold of.

Before Kazuichi could speak could oppose to Hajime’s words, the browed-haired got up. He put his hand out for the pink-haired to take, a calm and confident look on his face. “Why are you so kind to him? Do you have a crush on him or something?” accused Kazuichi, his eyes focused on Hajime. Hajime put his hands back to his side, a cold look on his face.

Hajime felt a kick to his stomach before answering Kazuichi's silly question. “Not everything is about ‘crushes’. I thought you’d know that after our friendship was formed.” Hajime’s tone was harsh and insulting, he was obviously mad about something. Whether that ‘something’ was Kazuichi asking if he had a crush on Nagito or not didn’t matter. He was upset and Kazuichi was not happy in any way possible. “You go to him when he’s in an obviously terrible state, you give him fake comfort, then bring your ass here to talk shit behind his back. What has gotten into you, Kaz?” Hajime’s voice dropped quickly, his emotions shifting in the blink of a **human** eye, reminding Kazuichi of how **fragile humans were**.

Kazuichi didn’t want to admit that he fully acknowledged the fact that Nagito was a human too. It was because he was so fragile, so easy to break, so easy to tamper with, so easy to hurt, so easy to ruin— **so easy to die and leave nothing left but pain and suffering for everyone else**. Kazuichi let go of his knees and played around with his beanie hat. Hajime noticed that ‘action’ as something Kazuichi used to show his fear without saying anything or doing anything in particular. “I’m just afraid,” revealed Kazuichi, slightly more relaxed than he was before. 

It was like a common courtesy within the class for Hajime to be considered someone who could calm others down with his sheer presence. He was amazing, amazing in every aspect. “Hey, how about we go to the party you mentioned earlier?” offered Hajime, a smile set on his face. It wasn’t just any plain smile, his smile was like a bright shooting star kids would make wishes upon. 

Kazuichi froze in place for a few seconds, admiring the view of Hajime smiling, before tilting his head so his eyes met with Hajime’s, “You mean like a man-date?” he asked, his face a cute shade of red. 

“‘Man-date’?” repeated Hajime, clear confusion stuck in his words until he remembered how Kazuichi phrased things his way. “So a date?” he was still confused due to his lack of romantic experience, despite all the talents he shared with Izuru.

“You should take Nagito instead!” Kazuichi may have still held a grudge against Nagito but he definitely didn’t want to ruin his chance with Hajime, knowing how Nagito felt and Hajime possibly feeling the same way. He had been suspicious of their relationship ever since they became close, only getting closer everyday.

Hajime didn’t respond, seeming to be lost in a pile of thinking. Dates were usually for couples or people with a clear interest in each other. ‘ _What’s Nagito to me?. . . I guess I’ve never put much thought into it, this might be a good time for that.’_ Hajime slightly nodded, “I will, I guess? Hopefully, he doesn’t mind.” Hajime squinted his eyes, thinking deeply about how he felt towards Nagito. He did tell Nagito that he was a close friend for him, but was that entirely how he felt? Hajime knew more than certain that he considered Nagito to be a friend of his, but did he also consider Nagito as **something more**?

Kazuichi chuckled to himself, “Then go ask him now!” pestered Kazuichi as he got up and grabbed Hajime’s arm, leading him to Nagito’s cottage without a struggle. Hajime didn’t want to wake Nagito up, but he needed to receive his answer immediately and by Kazuichi’s reaction, Nagito might not mind the offer.

They knocked on the door several times, but no response came. Kazuichi was still determined to wake the white-haired up and tried opening the door, which to their surprise, was unlocked. “Is anyone here?” asked Hajime as he walked inside the cottage, noticing Nagito sleeping in his own bed with the blanket on the floor, exposing his body to the night’s cold. He got near the bed, bent down to get the blanket and wrapped it around Nagito, who flinched and slowly woke up. “Uh, hey Nagito.” Hajime was stuck in an extremely awkward situation with no escape. He took a quick glance and realized that Kazuichi was gone, the door tightly closed, making everything even more embarrassing. He cursed his soul friend for leaving him behind under his breath as his gaze returned to Nagito’s mint eyes. 

“Hajime-kun?” said Nagito in a puzzled tone. He rubbed his eyes, a slight but noticeable blush crossing his face when he realized that Hajime was the one who had just wrapped him in his blanket.

“Can I ask you something?” Hajime jumped straight to the point, he still had many unsolved feelings and staying with Nagito in his **cozy, welcoming cottage at night** wasn’t helping.

Nagito was suddenly hit with the memory of what had happened before he slept. “Y-yeah,” agreed Nagito and lifted himself from his bed. He had cried the life out of himself just a few hours ago. . .

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” ‘proposed’ Hajime and sat on the bed, unaware that what he meant would cause Nagito to seriously react. 

“A date? With me? How amazing! I can’t possibly turn down such a proposal!” Nagito put his hands on Hajime’s shoulders, smiling happily. It was now Hajime’s turn to blush softly, he tried to hide it by looking away but Nagito had already noticed and quietly giggled in response.

“You don’t need to make such a huge deal out of it.” Hajime rubbed his forehead, trying his hardest not to get eye contact with Nagito.

“Ah, of course. You’re always so kind to me, **this isn’t strange at all**. Sorry, Hajime-kun.” mumbled Nagito, his hands still resting on Hajime’s shoulders, unbothered like they belonged there.

"Hajime, without the 'kun'—Anyways, the party we’ll have our date at is being held by The Future Foundation. I don’t know the details so I’ll ask Kazuichi about it later.” Hajime finally threw away all the awkwardness he was feeling and remembered Nagito’s alluring mint eyes.

Nagito smiled in response, his eyes and posture slightly relaxed. “Thank you for all your effort. I’m not even sure if I deserve any of this.” Nagito looked rather tired for someone who’d just woken up from a nap.

“Of course you deserve it.” cut off Hajime, strangely calm. “I really do want to go on a date with you, Nagito.” Hajime resisted the urge to cover his mouth and dash out of Nagito’s cottage, face full of embarrassment. Words were slipping out of Hajime’s mouth without giving him a chance to properly form his thoughts, causing him to spill a very inner feeling. _He_ _wanted_ _to go on a date with Nagito, for a while._ That didn’t necessarily mean the date he had in mind was **romantic!**

Nagito didn’t say anything, the overwhelming feelings that Hajime poured were a bit flustering. “I’ve been hoping for the same thing.” Nagito simply smiled, not embarrassed in the slightest, confusing Hajime. He was sure Nagito would at least react a bit, knowing that Nagito had certainly never gone on a date before, nonetheless with a boy. Well, neither did Hajime.

“Nice, cool, sure, yeah, no problem.” Hajime cursed himself for sounding so nervous in front of the very person he’d just asked out on a date. He hoped Nagito wouldn’t think he was lying about what he had said earlier, if he did, Hajime wanted to prove him wrong. “You stand out from everyone else, the bad and good in you.” 

Nagito gave him a mixed look, a look that showed he was happy but also hurt in a way Hajime can’t describe. “I see, thank you for being honest with me.” his lips curved into his usual care-free smile filled with whatever it was filled with, either way, Hajime wanted to know everything behind it. Everything behind Nagito. Though Hajime understood the other boy, there were still mysteries lingering within him that Hajime had yet to put together.

“You stand out in a lot of things. Your faith towards hope holds something meaningful, I’m sure of it. And well, It’s also completely human to screw up once in a while. Don’t let your mistakes eat you. That happened to me and in a second I was getting completely used and _replaced_ by a school I admired.” Hajime's voice turned into a whisper as he said the last sentence.

Nagito’s eyes widened a little, the mention of the Kamukura project always left him feeling nervous before a calm expression rested on his face. “Thank you.” the simple words lightly moved Hajime’s heart, making him feel proud of himself to see Nagito at ease.

“Hey, actually, do you want to have a sleepover?” asked Hajime, his brown-green-yellow-olive whatever colour they were, eyes looking directly at Nagito’s lighter ones, causing him to feel a sting-like feeling beating inside his chest. 

“You want to spend more time with me? That’s amazing, to have someone with so much hope interested in a guy like me.” Nagito deepened his grip on Hajime’s shoulders, feeling the brunet jump a little at the sudden action of his.

Hajime shot Nagito a strange but somewhat kind glare, trying to ignore the last bit of his words before throwing away the thought with a new thought telling him that ‘he was just overthinking everything'. “We’re having it over at my cottage, so pack a few things with you and meet me there?” added Hajime, his expression turning back to his usual dull yet still breath-taking look. 

“Once again, thank you for inviting me.” thanked Nagito while noticing Hajime gently removing his hands from his own shoulders. A feeling of embarrassment hit Nagito as he thought of how long his hands must have been on Hajime’s shoulders, probably for more than 5 minutes!

A small smile crept onto Hajime’s lips as he stepped outside of Nagito’s cottage. “See you then.” and with that, Hajime was gone from sight, leaving Nagito alone with his thoughts.

Nagito closed his hands, recalling the feeling of them being on top of Hajime's warm and strong shoulders. He wanted to hug Hajime and thought that he might have the opportunity to during their sleepover. They had hugged before, but 90% it was Hajime who would start the hug by placing his arms around Nagito’s lower back and patting it in a _childish but also cute way._

The sleepover was going to be amazing, _Nagito just knew it._

* * *

 _Nagito and Hajime were sitting on the ship together, eating to their heart’s desire while laughing at the jokes Hajime made using one of his many talents and having small chitchats in between._ _“Komaeda, don’t say that.” responded Hajime after hearing Nagito talk lowly of himself while praising his classmates like they were powerful beings from the heavens. Hajime hated being treated like he was superior to everyone, nonetheless from someone who didn't even treat himself with human decency._

_“I know my place, Hinata-kun, there’s no use.” argued Nagito, his tone tired, but not defeated quite yet. "You really are too kind to trash like me."_

_The question Hajime asked next woke the luck student up out of his tired state. “If your place is that **low** , then I wonder how low mine was.” shrugged Hajime, stiff and cold. His intentions weren’t to sound threatening or annoyed. He simply wanted an answer from the most insecure person he’d ever met about himself, someone who was and possibly still is nothing more than a ‘stepping stone’ for others far better to use as their ladder to success. _

_Nagito stayed quiet, slowly gathering his thoughts until a full sentence was properly formed inside his mind. “You’re amazing, Hinata-kun, you showed me a type of hope I’ve never seen before.” smiled Nagito, switching expressions like a light switch did with light._

_“You can have hope too, Komaeda.” Hajime smiled back, bringing a pleasant feeling to Nagito—though he was still not able to properly express his emotions due to his health problems. Hajime swore to himself that he was going to get Nagito his health back with Izuru’s talents._

_The white-haired brought his arms close to his chest as his smile changed into a disturbing one Hajime could never ride off of his memory. He didn’t hate that smile, he hated the meaning behind its thoughts, the thoughts Nagito possessed when that smile was on his face. “That’s wrong, Hinata-kun. Even though you possess such immense and bright hope (a different type of hope, one I've never seen before), you are wrong.” whispered Nagito, his eyes on the ground._

_Hajime quietly sighed, tired but also determined to change Nagito’s mindset of himself. “And your proof is?” he asked without a care, though he was expecting Nagito to answer with something related to his talent._

_And he did. “This luck cycle of mine, that’s the proof.” answered Nagito, his smile glued on his face as it could never fade. Hajime didn’t mind Nagito smiling, it actually made him feel comfortable and relaxed, but that **specific smile** was something else. _

_“You can’t control it. It’s not your fault.” Hajime locked his eyes on that smile, he just couldn’t leave it out of his sight. “I care about you, Komaeda, though I’m really sure why. But, whatever that reason is, you’re still someone important to me.” said Hajime, determination and confidence in his voice, something Nagito longed for the most, apart from someone’s love._

_Nagito leaned closer to Hajime, causing the brunet to stiffen a little before relaxing his posture. He looked at the sight of Nagito right next to him, noticing how Nagito’s hair practically glitters in the sun, the pink-red tips struck out more than ever. Hajime, without putting much consideration into his thoughts, placed his hand on top of Nagito’s hair and began playing around with the fluffy ends, gently pulling them and twirling them around. “Huh?” Nagito raised his head, a small blush right below his eyes._

_“S-sorry!” Hajime immediately removed his hands from Nagito's hair and folded them on top of his chest. Nagito’s smile changed, it changed into a genuine one, happiness behind it. That smile was like a gem, it needed to be protected and treasured._

_“I wonder how your hair feels like, Hinata-kun.” Nagito placed his hands on Hajime’s hair, touching the spikes and feeling the rare soft spots._

_“Out of the question!” blushed Hajime, no one apart from his parents and a very few others had ever touched his hair. He wasn’t entirely insecure about it, he just simply valued privacy a lot, especially for himself. Though, he also didn't seem bothered by Nagito's touch. He was happy that Nagito liked his hair. No one, not even his own parents, ever seemed so content to be touching Hajime's hair. Everyone always said it hurt and was too hard, saying that it resembled Hajime's block forehead. Those words affected Hajime a lot. No one cared about him or his feelings until he met the 77th class of Hope's Peak Academy. Strange, even though he despises that school with all his heart, he loves its students._

_A few minutes passed by and Nagito had finally let go of Hajime’s hair, they kept a conversation going before it was getting too dark and decided to head off inside the ship’s rooms to get some rest. To either of them, they hadn’t noticed that they held hands on the way, causing the others to give them a few strange glances before brushing it off as nothing. “Gross!” Hiyoko peeked through her and Mahiru’s room’s door, laughing to herself at the sight in front of her._

_“Hiyoko, holding hands isn’t ‘gross’. We hold hands all the time." said Mahiru, a small chuckle escaping her lips._

_“Yeah—But the look on their faces!” Hiyoko folded her arms, it was quite well known that she hated nearly everyone. Though, it seemed that she warmed up after waking up and having Mahiru by her side, who was a good influence for her._

_Hiyoko was right, Nagito and Hajime had different expressions to that of looking at a friend. Their expression resembled the one you’d look at a lover._

_Though nothing had happened or was happening behind them, **yet.** _


	5. A Dive Inside Hajime's Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday Hajime!!🌻🎉🎂🎁🎈  
> I wasn't planning on posting today, therefore there'll probably be a shit ton of gaps and misspelling + grammar errors and I really apologize for that! I just had to post for Hajime's birthday.  
> Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter and sorry for the wacky writing ^^;

Hajime wasn’t sure himself why he’d asked Nagito to have a sleepover. Was it because he wanted to get closer to him? Or was there another reason behind this action that he did not even understand himself? There was no point thinking, he was going to find his answer one way or another after he cleared his mind and thought of how he felt towards Nagito. But for now, he needed to get his cottage ready for a sleepover. It had to be perfect, _perfect for Nagito._ Hajime shook off his thoughts and cleaned his room, prepared a few snacks and games, and formed some sort of bed for Nagito, all doing so using the ‘Ultimate Maid’ talent. “This should be good enough,” sighed Hajime with relief, he hoped Nagito would enjoy the night over. 

A rather loud knock snapped Hajime out of his thoughts, reminding him that none of this was a dream or a made-up scenario, causing him to panic a little. He certainly didn’t want to lose Nagito as a friend and he felt like he had insulted or hurt him recently. Hajime brushed off the nervous feeling and opened the door, “Hajime,” said Nagito, a bag in his hand and a soft expression on his face. “thank you, really. I’m so happy, It wouldn’t shock me if someone died due to this good luck I’m experiencing!” his eyes glittered in this own 'not-so-typical' way. Well, he looked and sounded happy, making Hajime feel happy too. But the word choice was something else.

Hajime gawked at Nagito with a dazed look, though he knew exactly what Nagito meant. Hajime simply wanted Nagito to have a different mindset when it came to his luck or anything in general about himself. Hajime sighed internally before taking Nagito’s arm into his own and bringing him inside. “Let’s talk for a bit, okay?” Hajime ran a hand through his hair, a tired expression on his face telling Nagito that they should quickly wrap up their sleepover so they can both get some rest.

Even though Nagito had been inside Hajime’s cottage plenty of times, it felt different to be staying over at night during this so-called ‘sleepover’. He couldn’t help but feel a kick to his stomach, a kick telling him to confess his feelings in hopes of Hajime accepting them and BOOM, they’re showering each other with their love. . . on Hajime’s bed—“Of course.” answered Nagito, trying to shake off the _strange thoughts_ that suddenly crawled inside his mind. It was no secret to Nagito that he held romantic feelings in his heart for Hajime. It just felt natural, felt ‘meant-to-be’, like **he and Hajime were destined for each other**. But the crushing self-hatred that told him he didn’t deserve anything threw away any happiness his mind created. He was getting better, but he still had a long way before he’d have the confidence and self-love of an average person.

“Nagito,” Hajime’s voice was soft like he’d just read the other boy entirely without a stumble. “are you okay?” he asked, his eyes looking up and down at Nagito as if he was inspecting him as a whole. But before Nagito could answer, Hajime pulled the lucky student by the arm and brought him inside his cozy and organized Cottage.

Nagito remarked Hajime's touch was extremely soothing and warm, he could also tell that Hajime was purposely gentle with him. Hajime, his dazzling features, his breath-taking personality, and those cute actions of his warmed Nagito's heart. He felt a warmth he longed for, for so long. A warmth he could not remember sharing with anyone before, not even his own parents. “I’m more than okay—to have someone care for me brings me an intense emotion I can’t even find words to describe.” spoke Nagito only to receive a simple shrug from Hajime, who didn’t look very pleased.

“It’s only decency to care for those you hold dear.” Hajime’s voice was almost robotic, but not cold. Nagito figured it was Izuru’s side of Hajime that was showing at that very moment. Since, well, they were now a fusion, mostly made up of Hajime of course. Izuru was barely noticeable since the whole fusion thing was already in motion during the beginning of the killing school trip. Well, Izuru couldn't create a 100% accurate Hajime avatar when he knew nothing of him.

“I’m honoured to hear that you consider me as someone dear.” a wary smile found itself on Nagito’s face, it felt out of place but not exactly forced. Hajime just hoped he’d someday be able to fully convince Nagito that he’s deserving of love, kindness, and every good thing ever.

They sat on top of Hajime’s bed, Nagito feeling like he could fall asleep at any second with how safe and comfortable he was with Hajime if it wasn’t for the sleepover. “Let’s play Truth or dare?” proposed Hajime, his voice sounding puzzled. Nagito immediately agreed, not giving much consideration to what they were playing. Truth or dare was the core lore of cliché ‘party’ games that may or may not have ruined people’s lives. Though, even if he knew, he'd probably throw it off as something 'not-important' with that mindset of his. 

“Truth or dare?” Nagito asked without any hesitance in his voice. Hajime was taken back a little, he thought Nagito was going to wait for him to start the game, still, it was also relieving to see him open up more. 

“Truth.” with a smile, Hajime wanted to start off with something easy and simple, he was sure Nagito wasn't going to ask any 'too-personal' questions knowing how he hated making others, especially Hajime, uncomfortable. Though, if he did, it was usually intentional. 

Nagito tried to force on a smile, but simply couldn't. **This question was serious.** Smiling would take away the meaning behind it. “Have you ever fallen in love?” he wasn’t troubled by the fact that Hajime may have had crushes or felt romantic feelings for anyone before. He simply wanted for Hajime to feel the same way, regardless if he loved anyone before. It was his love-life, not Nagito’s, he had no right to interfere.

“I don't think I've ever liked someone in that way, I guess.” answered Hajime, not bothered by the strangely personal question Nagito asked. It was Truth or dare, after all, Hajime could have asked something far worse. Deep inside Hajime's inner mind and feelings, the answer to Nagito's question was neither yes nor no. The answer was unknown, a blank spot that can be found anywhere, nothing special. **But it was directed right at Nagito, surely it grasped something special within it.**

Nagito felt a grasp of relief flowing through his heart until he realized that what Hajime said may have also meant that he never held any romantic feelings for Nagito—“Dare.” he said before Hajime could ask, receiving a slightly mischievous look from the other. 

Hajime's eyes were tense while a playful smirk rested right under Hajime's beautiful lips. "I dare you to steal someone's underwear." whatever got him to say that he blamed it on either Izuru or some sort of stupid talent taking over him. That still didn't stop him from sweating uncontrollably, hoping that Nagito didn't take his words too seriously and brushed it off as a 'joke' with no actual intention.

Nagito didn't respond, his eyes wide, obviously shocked in a way. Anyone would be. Hajime never seemed like someone who **collected other people's underwear**. "Would giving you mine be good enough? I don't mind if you want to see me naked." smiled Nagito, shyly and softly. He really needed to hear his thoughts before spilling them out.

Hajime was as red as a strawberry, a burning red-pink streak glowing across his cheeks. "Forget what I said, it was just stupid," he mumbled, quickly jumped out of his bed and grabbed two juice boxes for Nagito and himself from the fridge he'd installed inside his cottage. When he opened the fridge, a memory found itself in his mind. **The memory of when he and Chiaki had investigated Nagito's cottage during their last trial in the Neo World Program** . Instead of finding poison, he found some things he loves: juice. Well, it was no secret he had one hell of a sugar tooth. When Hajime walked back to his bed, a bundle of juice boxes in his arms, he noticed Nagito smiling to himself, a smile Hajime found comfort in and never wanted to let go of. The smile made Hajime feel at ease like everything bad that had happened in his life miraculously vanished and never happened. Like Nagito himself had never gone through any sort of trauma ever. Like Nagito and he were 'just people', people with normal lives filled with no such thing as despair nor hope. Like Nagito never had a talent that held him back. Like Hajime never had to go through the Kamukura project. **Like a blonde bitch never ruined everything.**

_"Do you have a crush on him?" Kazuichi's words echoed inside Hajime's mind, peacefully roaming around freely while Hajime tried to put together the feelings he felt for Nagito, something like a puzzle. Did he like him romantically? Was this feeling that made his chest beat hard platonic? Maybe he just wanted to get closer to Nagito for no serious reason and all this was simple overthinking?_

_No. Something like this can't possibly be platonic. Then was it romantic? Hajime had never fallen in love with anyone, possibly a few 'crushes' here and there that were formed out of some sort of sheer stupid or pity-filled reason (looks, skills, popularity, etc...), but this was entirely different. This feeling was sincere, unlike anything Hajime's ever felt. This feeling was welcoming, but also very complicated and confusing._

"Let's do something new then." Nagito's delicate voice pulled Hajime out of his tangled thinking. The brunet took a sip from the juice box, nodded and gave the white-haired the other juice box he was holding, a grape flavoured one. Getting comfortable on Hajime's bed, Nagito moved closer, just a breath apart from Hajime, making both of their hearts beat fast. Though it was barely noticeable for anyone, Hajime's mind and heart were screaming like crazy while he wore an expression as bland as ever. It's terrifying to think of how easy it was for Hajime to hide his emotions through Izuru's 'characteristics' and his endless amount of talents. Hajime could basically do anything possible, probably even things that were impossible! 

"I set up a few games for us to play before you came," Hajime started, shifting himself so that he and Nagito were facing each other. "But now that we're both on **my bed** , I thought of something else. **Something better to do.** " Hajime mentally slapped himself. He, once again, blamed Izuru for whatever this sort of behaviour was. He'd surely have a conversation with this 'famed-for-making-Hajime-say-weird-stuff' Izuru and ask them to keep themself locked in Hajime's mind. 

On the other side of the bed, the white-haired took a few sips from his juice box—and was extremely close to confessing after hearing Hajime's **suggestive sentence** that made his heart jump right out of his chest **.** Nagito thought that decision over in his mind and quickly came to the conclusion that he'd want to confess his feelings during a romantic moment—a date. Nagito wanted the date he and Hajime were going to have during The Future Foundation's party to be the most beautiful, amazing, wonderful, splendid **perfect** romantic experience both he and Hajime would ever have. "What do you have in mind, Hajime?" asked Nagito, his tone amused and sounding almost pleased. He smiled as his eyes landed everywhere on Hajime, from his handsome face to his hands Nagito dearly wanted to hold. 

"Nothing!" Hajime blurted out. What a terrible liar he was, worse than Nagito was when he had the despair disease. His mind was filled with **thoughts of Nagito.** Thoughts that weren't very. . . 'just friends'-like.

 _It's just a best friend kiss!—_ Then why **constantly** think of **softly kissing him**?

 _I just wanna build a house for us to live together in. That's not marriage!_ —Then why daydream of a **wedding between you too**? 

_Holding hands is for 'friends' too!—_ Then why **desire to whisper** sweet things while **holding his hands** into your own?

Hajime's thoughts swallowed him without any effort. He couldn't deny it anymore. He couldn't deny that there definitely was some sort of 'not-just friend' feeling he felt towards Nagito. Whether it was romantic or not, it was strong and didn't plan on stopping. "Hajime?" Nagito noticed Hajime's 'leaving the world to think of something' signature move he'd pull every time he was with someone and silence filled the gap between them. It was like Hajime's mind couldn't stop thinking, couldn't stop relaxing that the minute he has nothing to think of, he'd just start to overthink anything that crossed his mind before. The thought, whether Nagito was correct or not, terrified him to think.

"Yeah?" Hajime didn't care, all he hoped for was to piece the feelings he felt into its full puzzle, reaching the answer he 'oh, so desperately' needed. Nagito placed the now empty juice box on the floor and took Hajime's hand. His metallic hand wrapping itself on Hajime's back, succeeding in grabbing Hajime's full attention away from whatever his mind gripped on. "I'm sorry, I ruined this with my stupid thinking. This isn't anything like a sleepover." he apologized with a sigh, copying Nagito's action and throwing the multiple empty juice boxes he'd drank on the floor. The taste of oranges still lingering on his tongue.

"It's okay, Hajime, I don't mind. It was also a bit too late for a sleepover. " Nagito's grip on Hajime's tightened in an attempt to comfort Hajime. Nagito knew the feeling of 'thinking you'd ruined something' all too well and seeing someone he cared for in such a poor state was obviously a terrible feeling Nagito never wanted to feel ever. But, life was full of both hope and despair. **Hajime was the one who told him that, after all.**

Hajime just wanted to make this a perfect sleepover for both himself and Nagito, but instead, it turned into some therapy session between his mind and himself. He expected Izuru to somewhat make their way into his thoughts, but for once, they stayed out of it. They must have known that this was something Hajime had to solve on his own. Izuru was right, someone's harmless, though sometimes confusing and stress-causing, feelings shouldn't be interrupted by anyone else outside of one's mind. "It's late, we should go to sleep now. We'll continue this, uh, thing, once we wake up. Okay?" Hajime let go of Nagito's hand, though a smile, as clear as day, was painted on those soft lips of his. _Hajime's lips probably tasted really, really good. The type of good that made you want more._

Nagito nodded, Hajime turned off the lamp, tucking both himself and Nagito inside his blanket. After some time, their arms found themselves around each other, forming a tight but comfortable hug. "I like you, I love you, Hajime." he whispered, nudging himself closer against Hajime. To his luck, the brunet heard nothing. 

* * *

_"Hinata-kun, this is for you." said Nagito, holding out a small bag decorated with a blue ribbon on top, filled with what he called 'hope cookies' and smiled beautifully._

_"Komaeda. . . thank you." Hajime took the bag of fortune cookies, cracked one open and read the little message._

_**For him, my hope.** _

_He held the urge to completely turn red when he noticed the word 'him' imprinted on the cookies. Why was Nagito referring to him as 'his boyfriend'? Did he just misspell 'best friend'? Or was there anything missing from the word? Was there some secret message behind the romantic word choice?_

_"I want to enjoy these with you." chuckled Nagito, scratching his cheek with his 'not-human' hand. Hajime smiled back, shaking his mind off of the strange wording, savouring the moment in front of him._

_Hajime finally ate the fortune cookie and held onto the small message, handing the bag back to Nagito. "Then let's enjoy them together."_

**_You. Love. Him._ **

* * *

Hajime opened his eyes and found Nagito's face pressed right against his chest. Whatever he was feeling at the moment, it was definitely not something he'd ever felt right the minute he woke up. Nonetheless, Hajime didn't want to wake the sleeping white-haired beauty. He ran his fingers through Nagito's cotton-like hair, rubbing his back using his other hand. "I need to make us some breakfast, I'll be back though." Hajime gently pushed Nagito off of him, laying him down on his bed and covering him with the blanket. 

Once Hajime was standing right in front of the fridge, another weird feeling randomly hit him without a warning. 

**_You. Love. Him._ **

**_You. Love. Him._ **

**_You. Love. Him._ **

He tried to push away that feeling, that mysterious feeling that found itself inside his heart. He never felt any sort of genuine love towards someone, well romantic love. And for his first and probably last love to be Nagito was mind-blowing itself. Especially the possibility that Nagito might have felt the same way. Hajime wasn't an idiot, he picked up the hints Nagito dropped and looked at them thoroughly. They all pointed to Nagito feeling something romantic towards Hajime. But what would Hajime do? What if in the end, this feeling ends up mutual? Would they kiss? Would they date? Would they tell others of their relationship with pride on their faces? Would they—they make love? Would they get married? Would they commit their lives to one another?

What was he thinking? Was Hajime losing his mind? Did he need some time to himself?

He didn't know. But he knew for a fact that he was tired of all these mixed and unsolved feelings. He just wanted to receive his answers so he could take a step forward. He was the Ultimate Hope, he possessed every talent ever! Yet here he was, begging his own mind to surrender with all the tricks it's been playing on him and give him the reward without the need to 'earn it' or 'reach for it himself'.

Funny how **Nagito** could make him feel so fuzzy on the inside. The feeling was probably love, Hajime knew that. What he didn't know was when and how. He knew why, why he (probably) loved Nagito. The reasons were endless, mostly coming from how Nagito made Hajime feel. That feeling was definitely **something special**.

Hajime opened the fridge, pulling out a bag hidden behind all the cans and vegetables. It wasn't any bag, it was 'Hajime's Super Special Sweets Splendid Bag', aka 'HSSSSB'. He then walked back to his bed, staring down at the figure sitting in it. For a few seconds, he looked at Nagito's face with a sense of admiration until that same sense turned into one that made him want to lean down and kiss the boy sleeping on his bed. 

Of course, he threw these sudden feelings away and began questioning them again.

This time, instead of questioning whether they existed or not, he began questioning why they had suddenly hit last night. Or maybe, they hit him before but **something** was pulling them back until now. Or— **someone?**

"Good morning, Hajime." greeted Nagito, standing up and nearly bumping faces with Hajime, who was leaning right beside him. "Sorry," he mumbled and noticed Hajime holding a bag in his hands. His eyes lit up, though he still held some sort of hatred for sweets, eating them with Hajime was a feeling he would never give up for anything. 

"We'll just _relax today._ " Hajime opened the bag and handed Nagito a chocolate bar from the many that rested inside of 'HSSSSB' of wonders. Nagito took the sweet without a complaint, pulling down the wrapper and taking a bite. He could tell from Hajime's expression that the brunet was probably thinking of what meal he was going to cook up inside the restaurant for Nagito later. Though he was flattered, Nagito hoped he wasn't causing Hajime any trouble. 

_What if Hajime felt the same way?_


	6. The Infamous Kamukura Izuru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy fourth year to Dr 2.5 (Nagito Komaeda And The World Destroyer)!! 🛌 Hope you enjoy this chapter :D

Hajime had the entire day planned ahead of him. He was going to spend it mostly with Nagito as both a ‘pay up’ for ‘ruining’ their promised sleepover and for the very obvious reason that he enjoyed Nagito’s company. Frankly, Nagito kept insisting that none of it was Hajime’s fault while Hajime silently listened with a relaxed look. It felt nice having someone reassure you when you think something is your fault. “I forgot my things!” exclaimed Nagito all too suddenly that it startled Hajime and made him drop the bag of sweets on the floor. Looking down upon the varieties of candies and chocolates only a true fan of sweets could collect scattered on the floor sent a strange feeling past Nagito. He hated loud noises yet he had yelled out of nowhere like a hypocrite. Of course, he had already known that.

“Your things?” asked Hajime as he picked the sweets one by one and placed them back inside the bag. 

“I was so happy to have my first sleepover that I forgot to bring anything with me. . .” Nagito mumbled and looked away in embarrassment. He packed a change of clothing, a toothbrush, toothpaste, and all those extra things you bring from home when having a sleepover, but silly him had forgotten to bring them the second he left his cottage.

Hajime was taken back a little by the fact that Nagito had never in his life had a sleepover. He gently rubbed Nagito’s back in reassurance, just like how Nagito had reassured him when they first met in the Neo World Program while keeping a mental note to ask Nagito for another sleepover some other time. “You can just use my clothes, Nagito.” he suggested and in the blink of an eye, reached out inside of his surprisingly large closet to get something for Nagito to wear. Hajime wasn’t a fan of trends nor a fashionable person in general, he wore things far too plain for Nagito, at least he thought. Finding Nagito something comfortable to wear that he’d also like wasn’t an easy task.

“Don’t worry, Hajime. I’ll wear anything.” laughed Nagito, his laugh frail and barely hearable, easy to shatter but also very beautiful. So beautiful. He looked down at his non-human hand and thought of how lucky he was to have Hajime as a close friend.

Hajime turned around, his eyes focused on Nagito who was seemingly staring into space, deep in thought. “Don’t put yourself down. There’s nothing to achieve from that.” It was true, Hajime had forgotten to do many things even with all the talents he had. He had forgotten to make Nagito something healthy as he had promised yesterday. It was hard to forget things like someone’s health, but something took over Hajime last night. Or perhaps, someone? But even someone with in-human abilities was still human in the end. Maybe he was just overthinking. 

Nagito’s eyes shined slightly as a thought sprung from ‘the land of thinking’ and landed itself inside Nagito’s mind. “A fashion show.” Nagito’s eyes looked more alive than ever while Hajime silently and very awkwardly stood there, not exactly knowing what Nagito had meant by ‘a fashion show’. Did he just want to dress up in something ‘cool’? **Did he want to see Hajime dress up in something?** Impossible. The world doesn’t revolve around Hajime, he should stop always thinking everything Nagito says to him actually relates back to Hajime—“I want to see you, Hajime. See you use your wonderful talents and hold a fashion show for our class.” Fuck. It was about Hajime after all. Nagito’s expression was something Hajime never saw very frequently, it seemed like Nagito was both serious and happy, both at the very same time.

A strange ‘gut’ feeling told him to refuse. It wasn’t worth his time anyway. Everything was boring. Fashion shows were boring. **Nagito was boring.** The minute those thoughts crossed Hajime’s mind, his suspicion of Izuru was confirmed. Hajime had to immediately speak with them before something regretful happened. Though Izuru had never tried to interfere with Hajime’s thoughts, they always stayed quiet until needed. Well, that is what’s to be expected from a human-made ‘god’. Izuru was both everything and nothing. At first, becoming Izuru even just a little bit frightened Hajime so much it made him feel powerless. But after talking with Izuru within his mind and trying to understand them while also regaining his memories, Hajime was no longer afraid and came to peace with the fact that Izuru was not someone to fear nor would they try to overtake Hajime’s mind. But, for some reason, Hajime grew suspicious of them since yesterday. A strong feeling, love, was held back from him. He couldn’t have magically fallen in love with Nagito in one night. There was someone holding his feelings back and Hajime knew exactly who that someone was. 

Hajime began to worry and worry, worry with an end, worry without control, worry with nothing left to think of but everything. What is Izuru planning? What will happen to him? To Nagito? To his dear classmates? **What if Izuru was thinking of some sort of world domination?!** What if Enoshima Junko still had a grasp of Izuru? What if she was alive within Izuru, in some way. What if Izuru could bring her back to life? It would be Hajime's fault entirely and he would be at complete mercy as he watches Izuru, without a sweat, destroy everything he and the world created. The safe feeling, the feeling he felt when he was with his classmates. The feeling he was striking to make Nagito feel, even with his talent Nagito claimed was both a blessing and a curse. This would be the perfect despair for Junko. Creating a false sense of security then crushing it by using someone known as 'humanity's hope' that lives within a hero to achieve her disgusting, in-human, selfish, stupid, unforgivable plans.

**_Hajime could never forgive himself if the same mistake happened twice._ **

There the famous Hinata Hajime stood, his body shaking and his face drained out of life, worrying Nagito to death who had no clue what was going on inside his mind. "Hajime, are you okay? Please, answer me." Nagito's voice was soft, calming and comforting, just what Hajime needed when a mass inner crisis was happening. 

But Hajime didn't answer. He heard Izuru's emotionless voice play inside his mind like a cassette tape. 'His luck is a curse. It will affect you, it will kill you, Hajime. Leave him. No one likes him, the reason is clear. Even your best friend is afraid of him. He isn't a human. Even I am more human than him.'

Hajime's mouth was shut like glue. He wanted to say something, something that would shut Izuru up and convince him that Nagito was indeed a human and leave him and Hajime alone. Hajime knew now that Izuru held back the feelings Hajime felt towards Nagito. It made sense how Hajime, without an explanation, didn't feel much towards Nagito after a few months when Nagito woke up when a part of his heart and mind were connected and attached to Nagito. Nonetheless, he spent the majority of his time with Nagito. But what he felt towards him was nothing compared to what he truly felt. 

_I-. . . I love him, deeply._

**_No. You don't._ **

**_You never have and never will._ **

* * *

When Hajime finally regained some sort of control and finally got out of the endless loop of Izuru's nonsense. He slowly opened his eyes and found himself sitting on Nagito's lap, who was softly petting down the brunet's hair with his human hand while his robotic one was holding Hajime's own hand, gently squeezing it in an attempt to calm the brunet down. They were on Hajime's bed, great. "Hajime, you're awake?!" exclaimed Nagito when he noticed Hajime looking at him, a small blush crossing the brunet's face. Nagito smiled before bringing Hajime closer and hugged him tightly. "Hajime, what happened?" Nagito's voice was soft and sweet, filled with comfort. But Hajime still decided against telling Nagito, even if he would understand, he simply couldn't risk Nagito's or anyone's life.

"I-, I'm just tired." Hajime quickly responded, hoping that no suspicion could Nagito draw from his words and tones. It all seemed far too unrealistic for Hajime to act like he was trapped in an endless nightmare (funny, he was) then losing consciousness and simply brushing all that off as being 'tired'. 

Nagito pulled away from the hug and brought his face directly in front of Hajime's, a playful smile slowly making its way to his lips. "Then, let me take care of you, Hajime." Hajime felt his entire face change into a universal amount of red shades. Nagito seemed to notice, he let out a soft laugh and smiled like an idiot, a very handsome idiot that is. "My apologies, would you like me to refer to you as 'Hinata-sama' instead? I completely understand why you wouldn't want a scum like me to call you by your wonderful name. Tell me anything you please. I am your servant after all." spoke Nagito with a now slight smirk, his words and tone a little too sudden for Hajime's mind to properly indulge.

Hajime was once again reminded of the dreadful truth and memory, Junko's presence. Her presence affected Hajime's previous and new class, his old one having old committed mass suicide while his new one having being turned into despair-obsessed criminals by manipulation and brainwashing. The one classmate from his new class that had the strangest criminal person created by Junko's disgusting despair was Nagito, the very boy in front of him. A memory from Izuru's time in taking over Hajime's body flashed in the brunet's mind, a memory of servant Nagito. A memory that could anyone throw up at. A memory of a hopeless high school boy kneeling down to Junko, praising her like she was his saviour while that blonde bitch smirked as she abused him in all sorts of ways. Hajime couldn't possibly keep it together any longer. "You aren't a servant, Nagito! You are your own person, not mine, not anyone's! And definitely not that insane bitch Junko's!" Hajime firmly responded, gently pushing away Nagito's arms from his back. Nagito's face dropped, yet he didn't seem angered or upset. He was affected in a way, a mix of disbelief, shock, and hurt was visible on his face. "No matter how many times I will need to repeat this, I will never stop even after you do." Hajime swallowed down the despairing feeling of Izuru's words and memories. With hesitance, he put a hand on the back of Nagito's head and lightly pushed it, causing it to land on his own chest.

A few minutes of silence passed by Hajime ruffling around with Nagito's fluffy hair as his head comfortably sat upon Hajime's chest and Nagito himself nudged his head, slightly rubbing the shorter boy's chest. "You truly are the Ultimate Serenity, Hajime." Nagito lifted his head slightly, his eyes meeting with Hajime's welcoming and friendly ones. 

They both smiled at each other, the pain in their hearts slowly throwing itself out, being overtaken with the love they held for each other. "About the date." started off Hajime, changing the topic in hopes of lighting the thick yet also shallow mood that flew through the air.

It was now Nagito's turn to blush, being reminded that he and Hajime were going to go on a date together in a public party held by the famed Future Foundation hammered his heart hard. "Going on a date with you, Hajime. . . the happiness I feel is endless." smiled Nagito, lovingly. 

"And about that fashion show you wanted?" Hajime sounded smug, really smug. Well, their relationship needed to move to something already! How long are they going to keep pretending like they're just friends? Hajime knowing that all along he's been in love with Nagito for a year now and that Izuru bastard decided to take away that feeling made his mind scream to himself about confessing already. Another part of that very same mind told him that it was weird, for two supposed friends, nonetheless two boys, to be in a relationship.

Maybe that was the reason Izuru decided to take back those emotions. Having Nagito in love with Hajime was enough as it was, having that mutual love would ruin everything. His class would probably be disgusted by him. His parents that he hadn't seen for so long but were sure they were alive and safe in the care of The Future Foundation would surely be disappointed and taken aback. It was still clear in his memory, his parent's words of Hajime having some sort of wife in the future with tons of kids. But even when Hajime tried imagining something of such sort, all he could see were white curls with light pink on the edge, a green jacket with red squares and a white shirt, black pants with a chain dangling on the side, brown shoes with zippers, and a comforting smile on the lips of a charming boy that made his heart melt.

Not once was Hajime bothered by same-gender couples nor by the fact that half his class, including many of the boys, had a crush on him. But now suddenly, out of thin air, he was feeling ashamed and guilty for holding feelings that **'should be reserved for a girl'** towards a boy instead. Learning how he felt after a long time of it being suppressed against his will, randomly starting to question things and worry over something like gender in a relationship— **This had to be (?) Izuru's doing, again.**

**_What if it was someone—or something else was behind this was?_ **

Mikan and Ibuki were in a relationship and they were both girls. . .! The class didn't mind! Hajime being with Nagito shouldn't be a problem whatsoever!

"You may not realize this, Hajime, but you're really handsome." said Nagito, awakening Hajime from that horrific nightmare also known 'Izuru is being a pain in the ass, why won't he leave Nagito and me alone?! Fuck you.' by Hajime.

_**I love him so much.** _

**_Now that I fully know it, I will never let you, whoever you are, take it away from me._ **

**_Never._ **

"T-thanks, Nagito. You look cute yourself. " Shit. Now he sounded like a creep. But even if he tried his hardest (he didn't), Hajime's face couldn't stop turning red every time Nagito said anything that suggested he felt the same way. 

"You think I'm cute?!" Nagito's eyes were filled with sparkles, he removed his head from Hajime's chest and got extremely close to the other's face in a mere second. Hajime flinched at the sudden closeness and nearly fell off of his own bed, luckily he regained balance and awkwardly smiled at the ball of fluff in front of him.

Hajime quietly nodded, the comfortable silence filling his mind with an idea. "Hey, Nagito, can you go tell everyone about the 'fashion show' you want to hold with me as the 'model'? Everything will be ready at 7pm on the beach, so don't worry." Hajime wasn't entirely telling the truth, he was planning on having a word with that Izuru bastard before doing anything, but then he'll proceed with the plan he told Nagito so it didn't matter that he left that part out.

"Anything for you, Hajime. I can't wait." winked Nagito, _ **'since when was he so hot?!?!'**_ Hajime, for now, decided to brush off the newly found but comfortable feeling he felt towards Nagito, also known as **love**. He first needed to settle things with Izuru then he would confess his feelings. Of course! _**At the date!**_ He would confess his feelings at their date! Kinda cliché he supposed, but that was the best opportunity there was so Hajime gladly took it.

"T-Thanks." responded Hajime, flustered at the image of winking Nagito that stayed in his mind and most likely wasn't going to leave. Nagito smiled before hopping off of Hajime's best. Before Nagito could take another step, Hajime followed and went to his closet, picked out a black hoodie and caramel brown bush pants, and a watch to complement the simple 'outfit' or literally speaking, for Nagito to stay in check with the time.

Nagito nodded before taking the clothes and watch from Hajime's arms. He mumbled a surprisingly quick thank you before leaving. Leaving Hajime in his tangle of thoughts. A not very nice tangle of thoughts.

_"Izuru, show yourself, you bastard!" Hajime yelled, but no response. Then suddenly, another memory appeared in his mind._

**_A memory of Chiaki._ **

A memory of Hajime and Chiaki playing video games together.

Then another memory of her, except this time it was Izuru's memory and Chiaki wasn't smiling like she always has. She was on the ground, hot pink blood surrounding her body and the aura filled with despair. Yet again, another memory of Chiaki appeared, this time Hajime was in control. But it wasn't real. Chiaki wasn't real. Chiaki was an al about to get executed with Monomi, her supposed "al sister". Memories of Chiaki piled Hajime's mind until suddenly, one with himself and Nagito showed up. 

Hajime and Nagito were sitting together on a bench, Hajime holding out a bag for Nagito to take. The brunet immediately recognized that scene, it had only happened yesterday in the morning when he found Nagito along after the Ultimate Imposter had told him to check up on the white-haired. 

**_You see that—that thing. He killed Chiaki._ **

**_He should be the one dead instead._ **

_And with that, Hajime's mind went back to the nightmare. The nightmare Izuru created for whatever desire he had. Maybe he was just bored? Maybe he just hated Nagito? Hajime was about to find out and put an end to this._

_After all, Izuru and he were completely different people and Hajime wasn't going to let that noodle-haired freak have his way through!_

* * *

Nagito made his way to his own cottage, changing into the clothes Hajime had given him and put the watch on the side where his non-human hand was at. Hajime's clothes smelled nice—so so so nice, Nagito vowed to cherish this opportunity forever. Hajime didn't even need to lend him his own clothes since Nagito walked back to his cabin and could have simply changed. With that thought in mind, he decided to comb his hair and brush his teeth to look as awake as possible. All his classmates were probably already done eating, so it was going to be a task finding them, especially when no one had any sort of duty today due to The Future Foundation's recent 'hiatus' in asking Class77 for any sort of favours.

As he finished cleaning himself up, he immediately began the hunt for his classmates and accidentally bumped into a clumsy purple-haired nurse. "I'm s-sorry, Komaeda-san." whispered Mikan, her eyes shaky as she got up from the floor.

She and Nagito weren't exactly on good ends. To put it simply, the third trial in the killing school trip that occurred in the Neo World Program and Nagito's feeling of annoyance towards played a major role in their question mark relationship. Nagito didn't hate her, but he possibly couldn't forgive her actions and never did. She also hurt him deeply, saying that he had no one to love nor did anyone love him. Sure, she had the despair disease, but the way she acted simply because she remembered something was a red flag for him. As for Mikan, she was very fond of Hajime but not so much of his white-haired friend. Nagito to her was nothing like Hajime. He was—strange, for the better lack of word. He scared her, she made him uncomfortable. They simply couldn't get along. They were both broken people, clinging on to the person who was their hope. For Mikan, it was Ibuki, a loud, friendly, sweet, and energetic musician who loved her Mikan-chan a lot. For Nagito, it was none other than mister Ultimate Hope himself.

**_NOT Naegi Makoto._ **

_Hinata Hajime. . . oh how love-struck Nagito felt every time he was with his dear hope._

_Hope was something completely different to Nagito because of Hajime. Generally, Makoto would be seen as the Ultimate Hope rather than Hajime, most of society did. But for Nagito, Hajime was the only one fitting perfectly for that title. An understanding, logical, mature, intelligent, handsome, usually care-free person with a strong grasp on reality and a balanced hold on what he wants. Someone with a sense of justice, someone Nagito can relate to, someone Nagito learned so much from, the first person who cared for him, the one and only who brought Nagito back into the living, the one who refused to let everyone have a hopeless and despair-full future. . ._

_The one who made Nagito love himself, even if just for a mediocre amount. The one who never gave up on him. The one who saw him as an equal and not a monster. The **one who didn't** _ **_ignore him. The one who held out his hand for Nagito to reach._ **

_The one who taught Nagito the true meaning of living and hope._

Hajime,

 _"Hajime."_ sighed Nagito, his mind filled with images of his one and only love. He got up from the ground and smiled at Mikan, surprising both himself and the girl with neatly cut hair. "Let's be acquaintances, Tsumiki-san. For Hajime, but most importantly, for ourselves. That's what that cute tsuntsun hair would say, right?" laughed Nagito, his tone care-free and relaxed.

"Y-yes! Hajime-kun is very nice, he a-always wants everyone to get along." replied Mikan, fiddling with her hands in disbelief. She never thought that she and Nagito would come to an agreement. Well, everyone could agree that Hajime was amazing and very sexy. That was just common sense. Nekomaru even tried creating a Hajime 'fanclub' but felt very competitive when everyone who joined were guys. Not one single girl. Hajime was a boy magnet! Of course, Nagito joined too and felt slight jealousy when he heard the other boys talk **strangely** about Hajime. He swore he heard Nekomaru say that he was going to marry Hajime! Then Teruteru joined along, fantasizing about Hajime's di- until the other boys shut him down, making Nagito feel relieved until Nekomaru added about how he was going to be the only one **to see it.**

"An amazing leader he is, that Hajime." Nagito tried to brush off that memory off his mind. There was certainly competition when it came to Hajime's heart. . . and body. Mikan nodded, continuing to fiddle with her fingers and ran a finger through her short hair every two seconds or so. Her movements were incredibly fast. "Oh, Hajime and I are holding a fashion show at the beach. 7 pm. He's the model, amazing, isn't it?" Nagito's mind trailed back into his fantasies. He began imagining Hajime in a full-on suit. Oh, how handsome he'd be. Better: a suit that was TIGHT on him!

 _"_ That's n-nice! U-hm," Mikan stopped her little movements and stared right into Nagito's eyes, a smile on her face. "Are you two dating? I've noticed you're wearing some of his clothes." she mumbled, slight regret in her voice. She was probably feeling nervous, making assumptions didn't always end well.

"I wish we were. I like him, I love him." It surprised Nagito as much as Mikan that she was the first person apart from everyone in the Hajime 'fanclub' and Kazuichi that he told his love towards Hajime to.

"I think he likes you back! I m-mean, he let you b-borrow his clothes and I think y-you—spent o-overnight with h-him." Nagito felt his face heat up at that statement. Though Mikan probably had no sort of uh, sexual implication behind her words, the phrasing was just too embarrassing. From Nagito's response, Mikan could tell she was right.

"Really?" asked Nagito, receiving a nod in response from the sweet nurse. "Well, see you at 7pm then." he waved off, watching her smile and wave back as she left to her own duties. 

_Nagito looked down at his non-human hand with a smile, his mind immediately going back to the fantasies he was dreaming about Hajime._

**_Hajime really was the one and only Ultimate Hope._**


	7. Something Else Is Here (?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw for the beginning-middle part of this chapter: Internalized transphobia and homophobia. Stay safe!  
> Trans Kazuichi is a huge comfort for me as someone who kins Kazuichi and is also trans so I'll be making this headcanon a part of the story, please BEAR with me. Thanks :)

Nagito wandered around the islands, searching for his classmates so he could enlighten them in the event that was going to be held by him and Hajime. But first, he decided to keep his words true for Hajime and went to the restaurant to eat something before starting his 'scavenge'. Even with all of his classmate's help and Hajime's amazing knowledge on health, though it seemed that Hajime's talent shut off yesterday and a few times before, was that even possible? Back to the point, Nagito had still not regained his health back even with all the help he received. He was discouraged multiple times and felt utterly useless to see everyone hurdle over him, working so hard only to need to work harder. In the past, it was only Hajime who had used his Ultimate Nurse Talent to aid Nagito, not Mikan, due to the whole unpleasant atmosphere they had in between them. But now that they had sort things out a little, Nagito imagined that in a few months or maybe even weeks, Mikan would aid Hajime in taking care of Nagito. Nagito himself didn't want to bother any more people than he already did, but he felt good knowing that he and Mikan might become friends who would help each other.

 _"Let's take our time to heal, Nagito."_ Hajime's words from when they first arrived at the real Jabberwock Island were words Nagito held strongly. He wasn't going to let his past take over his future! His future was his and his alone! _Though, he also wanted it to be Hajime's, in a way. **Their future. . . together.**_

"Komaeda," Nagito turned around and saw a blond shortie with a pink-haired mechanic behind him, their expressions seeming rather relaxed. Nagito swore that Kazuichi and Fuyuhiko both held some sort of grudge against him. But at that very moment, their smiles spoke the opposite.

"Hey, man!" spoke Kazuichi, his shark-like teeth that scared any child insight shined brightly as did his very noticeable pink hair and bright yellow outfit. Fuyuhiko chuckled and playfully nudged Nagito's shoulder, somewhat trying to reassure the boy in the green jacket that they came with no intentions of harm.

"Soda-kun, Kuzuruyu-kun, good morning." mumbled Nagito, exhaling the deep breath and feeling of discomfort he was holding in. 

Fuyuhiko smirked, alarming Nagito, "Looks like we've caught a loverboy right outta spending the night in his little **_love nest_**." said Fuyuhiko, his eyes staring strongly at Nagito's body, specifically at the outfit he was wearing. Nagito felt a swarm of nervousness and butterflies roaming around his stomach, knowing exactly what Fuyuhiko meant, while the two others began laughing in a carefree matter. They didn't seem grossed out or worried, Nagito dared say they sounded proud.

"Congrats! Getting Hajime to take off his clothes is not an easy task!" exclaimed Kazuichi, his words and shameless tone causing a blush to form its way to Fuyuhiko's face. Nagito was taken back by such an implication, his own face turning now noticeably red. He tried calming down his beating heart, telling it that something like that could never happen and Kazuichi was just messing with him. "How did it feel?" Fuyuhiko's blush grew as he hit Kazuichi on the shoulder, receiving a loud 'ow' sound from the annoying pink hair.

"Pardon?" 'asked' Nagito, his tone was anything but clueless. He clearly understood what Kazuichi meant but the shame and embarrassment of understanding took him over completely, causing him to both lie and fail at that. 

Kazuichi let out a sigh, knowing full well of Nagito's act. Suddenly, a frightful expression randomly appeared on his face, "Crap, I assumed you were both cis! Sorry man, not gonna happen again. Or, you can have already had surgery. No, wait, you could have still done it and I just made it sound like I was against it!—Though, I really hope I can get surgery myself even in a place like Japan. Without Hajime and Fuyuhiko's support, man I would have been—Shit! Did I just out myself?!" panicked Kazuichi. That was, well, a lot for Nagito to process.

The most noticeable thing in Kazuichi's words was his strange lack of understanding in both mlm relationships and trans people, despite him coming out of the closet just a few seconds ago. Nagito found hesitance when Kazuichi spoke, adding more reasoning as to Nagito's assumption that Kazuichi didn't have much knowledge on what he spoke of. "Not everything is about sex when it comes to two men being together, dumbass." stated Fuyuhiko, the red tint his face once had gone. Instead, he looked ashamed of the topic they spoke of, especially since Nagito was right in front of them.

"B-but! My dad told me that!" 'reasoned' Kazuichi, receiving a sigh from the other two boys. The mention of his dad caught Nagito's attention and had him wondering about how his parents would react if they were still alive and well about their only son being attracted to the same gender. _Nagito pictured the scenario: his mother on her computer, completing her work, his father in the kitchen, cooking something up for his family, their son walking towards them with a huge grin, his hands linked with that of another boy's. The son, Nagito, would introduce his love and boyfriend, Hajime, while the two parents hurdled over the brunet who captured their son's heart, hugging him tightly while shouting 'welcome to the Komaeda family!', causing the brunet to blush and smile lively. A few years later and the two boys were moving in together to start their new lives after getting happily married, Nagito's parents crying out of happiness, making Hajime promise to take care of their precious son and shower him with love forever._

"Isn't that the same fucker that told you you weren't a man?!" Fuyuhiko's sudden shouting threw Nagito off guard, his daydream being cut off too soon for his own pleasure. Though, from both Fuyuhiko's tone and words, the situation between the blond and pink-haired was definitely something serious. Nagito's face tensed up, knowing a portion of what was roaming inside Kazuichi's mind by the way he both looked and sounded distressed.

"I- he's my dad though!" urged Kazuichi, using the same plain and non-valid excuse as before. Nagito figured that Kazuichi was probably raised in a questionably 'mOrAL' based household or just had a terrible dad figure that led him into a false path.

"Soda-kun, your dad sounds like someone you shouldn't put so much trust in you'd believe his **wrong** views on relationships between two guys." Nagito stared deeply into the confused mechanic's dreadful eyes. He was staring so deep, probably going even deeper than the eyes. To Kazuichi, the lucky student's glare was anything but friendly, he thought he was staring at his soul! "Not that there's anything wrong with—two guys making love." added Nagito, hoping that Kazuichi nor Fuyuhiko would think he was gatekeeping something normal. The desire of making love to someone crossed his mind from time to time when he thought of Hajime. Well, he already knew he was deeply in love with Hajime, that was nothing new. But, from the brunet's response towards sexual jokes, Nagito decided not to ever bring that thought into any of their conversations. 

"You're right," the pink-haired mumbled, rather to himself than to the others, like he was trying to convince his mind to believe instead of doubt.

* * *

On the other end of the Island was Hajime in his cottage, sitting on his neatly tucked in and comfortable bed, left with nothing but his mind and this mysterious, possibly not even real, Kamukura Izuru. "Hey!" Hajime shouted within some sort of realm his mind possessed. 

**No response.** _Hajime's mind was blank, was it perhaps playing tricks with him?_

What was Izuru anyway? They weren't an entirely different person from Hajime, just some sort of voice in his head that was created after Hajime gained consciousness over his body. Hajime was a combination of both Izuru and himself, or at least that's what it seemed to be. He was once Izuru, an empty shell filled with nothing but talent, contrary to the talent-less but full of life Hinata Hajime. Izuru was created when Hajime's existence was pushed away, like how Hope's Peak had aways treated reserve course students. It was stupid of him to think he was _special_. But even after all those experiments and consistent effort to throw him out of his own body, Hajime was in control once again when he and Izuru 'fused'. By that logic, they are both somewhat the same? But, Izuru was created by a bunch of researchers from Hope's Peak. Not from some sort of trauma. Hajime, well his parents wanted a kid so here he was.

Hajime was filled to the brim with traumatic experiences, but Izuru's entire existence didn't come from that. It was created the minute Hajime was gone, never to return but here he was. Izuru was just a voice and a part of Hajime now, not an entirely different person. Izuru was just there, as a result, that they could not be fully erased even when Hajime was back.

"You—I realized something." spoke the voice that Hajime only assumed to be Izuru's. The voice sounded quite similar to Hajime's because well, Izuru was partly Hajime and Hajime was now partly Izuru. They weren't two completely separate people, they never were. "We are like two sides on the same coin: different parts of the excat same whole." added Izuru, his voice undeniably the same as Hajime but softer.

 _"Then, why do you hate Nagito and I. . . love him?"_ asked Hajime to Izuru, more so to himself after the reveal that he already sorta knew but also not in specific detail.

"I am Kamukura Izuru, someone loved by talent who was created for one sole purpose: to be humanity's hope. I do not feel anything, I cannot hate anyone." Izuru's voice paused for a brief moment, like they, the Ultimate Hope, was thinking. That left Hajime on edge, though he didn't know why. "There's _**someone or something**_ else here."

* * *

"Soda-kun," Nagito's voice softened after hearing the pink-haired mechanic's life story on finding out he was actually a guy all along. The story wasn't as happy as Nagito hoped it was. Kazuichi was confused, something very normal of course, but also **disgusted** with himself. Nagito knew for sure that there was nothing wrong with anyone who found out their actual gender didn't match the one they were born with. But Kazuichi was stuck in a loop of wrong thoughts, incorrect thoughts that called him an 'attention freak', 'a fake', 'someone gross that went against the world', and so on. None of those false 'claims' were true and Nagito was determined to help Kazuichi overcome that difficult optical also known as 'internalize Transphobia'.

"I also—don't like girls! I never liked Sonia!" confessed Kazuichi, a tint of guilt that shouldn't be there found his words. "But _—_ it's weird. If I'm a guy, then I should like girls!" Kazuichi rubbed the back of his neck nervously, his eyes staring right at the floor. "I always thought it just meant I was 'normal' as a kid, that everything I felt towards guys was just stupid admiration and crushes all girls went through! But no, I never wanted to be seen as a girl! I hated wearing those stupid skirts and not being able to go inside the guy's bathroom. . ." Kazuichi was trailing off with his words, until it became knowingly, causing him to stop and look at the others nervously.

"Kazuichi," it was now Fuyuhiko's turn to be left in even more shock than before. No one excepted Kazuichi to burst like that, but, the action was indeed very reasonable and realistic. The two other boys couldn't possibly begin to imagine the pain, suffering, and frustration Kazuichi must have gone through his entire life. Though the two have gone through a lot of pain as well, they just couldn't relate to Kazuichi's.

"This stupid body just can't be what I want it to be." Kazuichi was now crying, tears streaming down his eyes and rolling down from his cheeks to his neck and then to the top of his yellow jumper. He tried to hide them, using his hands to brush off the tears but they simply wouldn't and only grew the more he tried.

 _It was shocking, but it happened:_ Fuyuhiko hugged Kazuichi. The blond was never touchy, but over the time he spent with everyone, mostly with the brunet in a tie, the pink-haired mechanic, and swordswoman, he opened up more and more. For him to hug someone on his own was a huge step forward. Kazuichi knew that all too well, making the whole situation even more emotional.

" _You were always_ and _will always be a guy_ , Soda-kun. Your body is **a guy's body**. It's no different than mine or Kuzuruyu-kun's." comforted Nagito, Kazuichi was his classmates and maybe—friend, he couldn't possibly leave him such a horrible state. A genuine greeting that made all three parties happy was turned into _this_.

All this was far too important for Nagito to walk out of because of his suggestion for a fashion show. Screw that! Kazuichi needed his support, this fashion show thing could wait another day.

* * *

"Ibuki, my b-beloved, I have some exciting n-news!" Mikan entered hers and Ibuki's cottage then called out for her lover as she was bearing some supposed 'exciting news'. Ibuki was having some tea and sweets with the swordswoman, Pekoyama Peko: a beautiful woman with grey hair and piercing red eyes, a simple but formal outfit on with a bamboo sword inside its holder laced around her back. "Good morning, Peko-san, I'm so h-happy to have you h-here." smiled Mikan, taking a seat next to the swordswoman.

"Mikan-chan, I'M happy YOU're here, I love you!" exclaimed before wrapping her arms around the nurse beside her. Ibuki didn't use her usual third point of view way of talking, meaning that she was especially serious or happy in what she said.

"Good morning to you too, Mikan." greeted Peko, a warm smile on her face as she fixated her glasses. "What is this 'good news' you spoke of?" asked the swordswoman, quick to the point as always. Even with the year and a half stay at the real Jabberwock's Island with tons of support and love, the trauma of living as a tool your entire life had yet to vanish, but it was starting to calm down.

"Komaeda-san and I s-sorted things out!" Mikan's mind filled itself with thoughts of how amazing everything was going in her life. Almost everyone forgave her, she and Ibuki were together, Hajime helped her understand that the trauma she went through and her mistakes don't define her, and now she and Nagito may become friends!

"Ibuki and Peko-chan are happy for you, Mikan-chan." said Ibuki, her tone unusually calm. Peko nodded, a smile still on her face.

Then suddenly, a knock on the door was heard. Ibuki gently removed her arms from Mikan, allowing the purple-haired to go see who was at the door. When Mikan did get there, she peeked throw the small hole at the top of the door, seeing Mahiru stand in front, her camera in her hands as usual. Mikan opened the door, leading into the red-hair sprinting inside, a worried look on her face. "Mahiru-san, is s-something w-wrong?" Mikan fiddled with her fingers as she watched Mahiru close the door and curtains, her eyes moving around the room suspiciously. 

"There's an intruder here." was all Mahiru said before she put her finger on her lips, shushing everyone and their countless questions. When the room fell into complete silence, Mahiru quietly sighed and approached the others with Mikan behind her. "Hiyoko and I were eating breakfast inside the restaurant when one of the computers starting flashing." paused Mahiru and put her hand on her chin, rethinking the events that she was about to tell. "We read the message, it was from The Future Foundation."

"They haven't sent any of us, not even Hajime, tasks for some time now." stated Peko, what used to be a smile was not a blank but firm look. "This is truly strange." she added, her blood-coloured eyes staring directly at the dark curtains that covered the window next to her. 

"The message said there was an intruder on this island." continued Mahiru, explaining how she and Hiyoko went their separate ways in order to inform the class of the news as it seemed only that specific computer received The Future Foundation's message.

"Did they m-mention anything e-else?" Mikan's good mood was completely shattered by this new reveal. She was hoping to go with Ibuki to the fashion show Nagito and Hajime had planned out and possibly have a conversation with Nagito about his relationship with Hajime. Mikan wasn't an expert on love, but she could tell that somewhere in Hajime's heart, deep down and hidden for whatever reason, there was a spot that held Nagito more closely than anyone else. She was certain it was love, mutual love, and she wasn't going to let the chance of Nagito being truly happy with the one he loved slip away.

"They did, but it was very brief. They said we weren't receiving any tasks because what they were doing was above anything else." explained Mahiru and mumbled a few words under her breathe, complaining about how unreliable The Future Foundation was when it came to the ex-Remnants Of Despair. 

"They should have known by _now_ that we aren't the **enemy**. We, especially Hajime, had no control over our own bodies and mind." Peko's red eyes remained focused on the curtain, her hands beginning to move up to her sword.

"Don't worry Peko-chan, Ibuki and everyone else have this totally under control!" exclaimed Ibuki, trying to lighten the mood but received a quick shushing from Mahiru and a worried glance from her girlfriend.

"We don't know where this intruder is, they could be everywhere." sighed Mahiru, folding her arms over her chest, a look full of frustration on her face. "There's no knowing what will happen, so we need to move in groups and warn everyone." ordered Mahiru, she was one great leader, a true mom friend.

"Us four cannot split. I cannot protect those I am not near." Peko closed her eyes for a few seconds before reopening them and getting up from the chair, a determined look on her face. Mahiru simply nodded and looked at the two others, waiting for their response.

"Sounds like a plan!" Ibuki took Mikan's hand with her own, reassuring the nurse that there was nothing to be afraid of. The two followed the swordswoman and photographer as they all left the cottage, closing the door and looking around attentively with Peko being more than ready to strike at anyone that held any sort of harm against them.

* * *

As Hiyoko walked around the islands, telling anyone she saw of the horrible news she and Mahiru found out about, she spotted Kazuichi, Fuyuhiko, and. . . Nagito. The whitehaired's appearance wasn't the weirdest thing here, surprisingly. Fuyuhiko was apparently hugging Kazuichi, who was crying. Hiyoko never thought that she of all people would see something like that. Something people called, 'a bromance' or a 'cutesy angst' moment between two friends, or at least that's what they seem to be. "Hey, losers," she called out, making her way to the three. "There's someone on this island. They're super dangerous, armed with all sorts of machinery even Big Bro Hajime can't defend us from! They're out to kill us!" shouted Hiyoko, grabbing the three boys' attention. She made sure to add the last part, scaring Kazuichi was always fun for her.

"Whaaat!?!" Kazuichi jumped out of Fuyuhiko's embrace and hid behind him. He already had a lot on his plate to worry about, this sudden bad news added even more. He was sure the plat was on its edge, one more thing to worry and it would crack!

"Please don't worry, Soda-kun. Hajime will not let anyone harm us and neither will I." Nagito proudly said, a ray of hope in his eyes. Hajime, even just the mention of his name, always brought him hope. "Hajime is our hope. We cannot doubt him now, or else despair will enter." 

"Eww, what's up with you?" Hiyoko rolled her eyes annoyingly. Even after years of being classmates, she simply couldn't stand Nagito no matter what he was doing. "Don't tell me, you have a crush on Big Bro Hajime?!" she said jokingly until realizing that it would both make perfect sense and be a fun way to tease Nagito.

Of course, Nagito tried to deny it. "All I feel is simple a-admiration!" defended Nagito, but everything he said was shot down by a loud Hiyoko who determined to real the truth out of him.

"We have more important matters!" thankfully Fuyuhiko had the balls to call out Hiyoko's stupid 'behaviour' or else no one would have. Kazuichi was afraid of her and Nagito was simply not able to stand against someone like her. Though she was improving, she was nicer to Mikan, but the change was still small. It was a bit strange, seeing her so tall, but they were used to it now. She was still a brat though, so nothing else mattered.

"Yeah, yeah, shortie. Besides, I already knew Nagito over here had a huuugee crush on mister Ultimate Hope for yeaarss." she stuck out her tongue at Fuyuhiko, pleased to see his angry reaction from calling him a 'shortie'. "He's even wearing his Hajime's clothes." once again, someone else pointed out what Nagito was wearing. He hoped nothing like the previous conversation he had would happen.

Nagito coughed a loud 'ahem', grabbing the others' attention. "We need to discuss this matter with Hajime. Let's go now, we don't have much time." he stated and received a nod from the three others.

* * *

_You're Kamukura Izuru You're Kamukura Izuru You're Kamukura Izuru You're Kamukura Izuru You're Kamukura Izuru You're Kamukura Izuru You're Kamukura Izuru You're Kamukura Izuru You're Kamukura Izuru You're Kamukura Izuru You're Kamukura Izuru You're Kamukura Izuru You're Kamukura Izuru You're Kamukura Izuru You're Kamukura Izuru. . ._

_I, I'm—I don't know._

**Who am I?**

Hajime's head was empty, yet so full at the same time. Numb, he felt numb. Like the world was collapsing but all he could do was stare, his mind in a different place. The reveal of someone else being here, nonetheless possibly being inside his mind. Who could have pushed themself inside Hajime and Izuru's mind? Who could have been able to do such a thing so flawlessly that Hajime couldn't have noticed? Neither could have Izuru, until now.

There was so much more to worry about. He needed to find out about this whole thing with him and Izuru. He already knew they were the same in a way, but how much? How little? Who was Izuru anyway. He already knew who he was, he was Hinata Hajime: an average nobody who turned into a hero. He was a leader too, someone his classmates could count on. 

_But if he couldn't solve this problem, then he would go back to **nothing:**_ someone no one could ever believe was capable of anything.

_Someone who was never accepted and always pushed aside like he didn't matter._

_He would no longer be **The Ultimate Hope.**_


	8. What Life Has Left For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am begging anyone who sees this to read "The Bridge Of Stars" by penpea and all their other Komahina fics if you have the time! I know their works are old (ranging from 2013-2016) but the writing is still incredibly mesmerizing❤️
> 
> "The Bride Of Stars" got me really emotional, it was a huge comfort to me for the two days I spent reading it. It's incredibly realistic and focuses on the characters' emotions more than simply the relationship. It's both incredibly underrated despite being 160k+ words and having a ton of effort and love put into it. I hope you consider reading it.

Hajime was tired, extremely tired. No words could describe the sudden weight he felt rest itself on him. He wasn't even sure himself what he was feeling. It was like his memory had been taken away from him, again. That seemed to be the case with him, which included Izuru. But why would someone try to make him hate Nagito? And why would they use Hajime's mind, nonetheless HOW they got themselves in there? The only possible person Hajime could think of was none other than Junko. She's dead, no way can she do any more damage than she already has. The world was just starting to turn back into its original state, Hajime couldn't afford to stall for time or push it all away like he was just overthinking. He needed to tell the others, he needed to tell them fast.

"Hey, you!" yelled Hiyoko as she burst the door open. For someone with a childish personality, she sure was strong. From behind her came three relatively scared-looking figures, all close friends of Hajime, making the whole situation even worse as he'd have to explain the situation to them in front of Hiyoko. Of all people to come with them, why her?

Though, it was slightly shocking to see Kazuichi cling to Nagito like he was dear life. But kind of nice too, they must have grown closer, somehow. When Hajime's eyes landed on Nagito's close, a strange feeling hit him. He, without even thinking, had lent his clothes so easily to Nagito and most of his classmates must have seen him today with the whole fashion show Nagito wanted to organize. He hoped no one got any weird thoughts, it would be dreadful for anyone to start thinking again about how 'secretly horny' he was. Hajime had done everything to convince his classmates that he was in fact not very interested in well, making love to anyone. He valued romantic relationships far more and only wanted to make love to someone after marriage. He didn't mind how other people live their romantic life, but his way of living was taking everything slow. This made the reveal of him being in love with Nagito after all even more surprising, not in a bad way though.

"Hajime, there's an intruder that found their way on this Island." stated Nagito, but Hajime didn't flinch, he had already known. If not for this person's unknown tricks, Hajime would have seen this coming way before anything took into motion.

"Yes, I know," Hajime responded and rubbed his forehead, frustrated in how his talents could have failed on him. No, he wasn't to blame. The intruder knew what they were doing while Hajime didn't. "I'm not sure what to do, but rest assured, I will protect everyone even if it cost me my own life." the determination and Hajime's eyes and the word that spoke true to his heart sent a wave of comfort to Nagito, reminding him of one of the many reasons he fell in love with the brunet. 

"Big talk huh? Then we have no choice but to help you find that bastard and teach their sorry ass a lesson." smirked Fuyuhiko, his tone pleased, probably because of the sole fact that Hajime never let anyone down and be defeated. _Truly befitting of the title 'The Ultimate Hope'._

"Hurry up then, we don't have all day!" Hiyoko practically dragged Hajime out of his bed as he wouldn't move. As odd as it was, Hajime felt incredibly tired for no reason, despite having multiples talents.

_He was human, but this whole situation made no sense._

Nagito couldn't help but feel worried for Hajime. The handsome brunet must have so much on his mind with the huge responsibilities he has to carry on his shoulders to the end of the world. "First, we need to contact Naegi and make sure everyone else has the message. Next, we need to find out what the intruder wants and their identity. For all we know, there might be dozens of them here." Hajime took a quiet but deep breath, trying to calm himself down by saying that everything was 'going to be okay' and that 'no one was going to get harmed'.

Once everyone started walking out of the cottage, a pink-haired mechanic and lucky student stood between the door, blocking Hajime from leaving. "Hajime, there's something on your mind, I can tell." spoke Kazuichi, his back to the door and his eyes looking straight at Hajime's. Nagito did the same, Hajime now having two pairs of eyes staring at him from different directions, giving him nowhere to hide without making it obvious that he was avoiding eye contact. "True soul friends look after each other." Kazuichi's voice was low, unlike his head that held high with confidence. There was something off about Hajime and he was going to get to the bottom of this. . . case? Whatever this was, Kazuichi was going to help Hajime through it.

"Hajime-kun, _Hajime,_ please tell us what's wrong." Nagito approached the brunet, his expression anything but relaxed. Hajime felt selfish, he was making Nagito and the others worry over nothing. _How boring. In the end, none of it would matter as long as the intruder was on the loose, doing as they please._

No, it wasn't time for some weird reflections or for negative feelings to fill his mind and heart just yet. He needed to tell them, starting with Nagito, the one he was closest to and the most mutually comfortable with. "Can I—talk with Nagito, privately?" asked Hajime, some clear hesitance in his words that held him back from sounding certain. _-100 for confidence, way to go Hajime._

"Just meet up with us later, dude." Kazuichi nodded, turning his back and leaving Hajime's cottage out from the door, not waiting for a response. It seemed he trusted him, truly unexpected for Hajime since he really wasn't in a very trusting position.

Nagito closed the door and approached Hajime, a relaxed expression on his face like he was ready to confront anything the world could ever push at him. With knowledge of the boy's past, Hajime was truly left speechless to see Nagito try to piece his life together even after everything he's been through. That only brought Hajime closer to Nagito, wanting to help him and be by his side more than ever. "I've been going through a memory loss and some sort of emotional restrainment for around a year, the reason ties with the intruder."

* * *

_"Hinata-kun, you're doing great. You might even beat me if you put more effort." said the soft voice of a cute pink-haired high school girl that had a video game-like clip on her hair and wore a formal uniform. The Ultimate Gamer: Nanami Chiaki, Hajime's closest and best friend at the time and possibly his first serious crush (if what he felt towards her was a crush after all). She was like an angel, truly breath-taking in every way possible. Pretty, smart, friendly, kind, considerate, supportive, comforting—she was a lot of things, at least to Hajime and her classmates._

_"Nanami, can we stop now? My fingers are starting to get sore from pressing so many buttons so quickly." complained Hajime, a bit too dramatically to sound entirely serious. Chiaki's eyes were glued on her console, only every two minutes or so would she lift her head to check on the other next to her. Hajime looked frustrated, he hated losing and playing video games with the Ultimate Gamer herself wasn't helping him whatsoever._

_"Do you want to eat lunch together?" Chiaki asked as she rested her pink console on her lap, a gentle smile on her face. Hajime felt flustered, whether it was because of her kindness or because of the potential romantic feelings he held for her, he simply couldn't have lunch with her no matter what. He couldn't even eat to begin it. He was still going through all the preparations for the Kamukura project and couldn't bear telling someone so pure about something so inhuman. Even when he didn't know about the.. horrifying plan Hope's Peak kept secret from him, just the fact of going through surgery to obtain talents so you can become more confident made Hajime feel so small and helpless compared to everyone around him. His classmates (or at least that's what they're supposed to be) were just as miserable as him, but at least they never went out of their way to pathetically try and take a turn from the fate their life was supposed to have._

_'I'll tell her next time, yeah' he kept telling himself, the fear and desire for acceptance only growing stronger._

_**That next time never came.** _

_The last time he saw Chiaki was during her last moments and all he did was stare, not even feeling anything in the slightest. The guilt that rested on his back when first waking up from the simulation and regaining every bit of lost memory from both the times he himself had control over his body before the 'fusion' and from Izuru's time._

_He would never be able to hear her sweet voice anymore, to see her cute face, to laugh alongside her, to enjoy his time with her, to eat with her, to feel happy with her, to play games with her. . . Everything was gone, taken away with not even a crumble left._

_Nothing good came from dwelling on the past, he needed to think and look ahead—only 2 years ago did he truly learn that, a relatively new way of thinking and living. It was a bit scary at first, the fact that just in about a month did it take for him to fully accept Chiaki's death and honour her wish of him living his life confidently, confident of his future and of his friends._

_It was scary to think that he just might **forget her** someday._

* * *

_"Don't force yourself to always be kind. There's nothing you could possibly find good about me, Hinata-kun. This is a simple fact you. . . no one can change." Nagito was convinced that he was nothing but utter garbage amongst a world filled with a new kind of hope, one even greater than Nagito dreamed of._

_But of course, Hajime wasn't going to sit around and listen to his friend and classmates speak so poorly of himself like his life was worth not even one yen. "That's—wrong, Komaeda. There's a lot of great things bout you." Hajime was ready to list all of those greats things he found about Nagito, but he knew that the lucky student would deny anything he said. The self-deprecating thoughts and feelings were stronger than any hope Nagito himself could achieve. With knowing the hurtful truth, Hajime obtained a new goal he was not going to give up on no matter what happened._

_"Thank you for your kind words, Hinata-kun. I'm truly happy to be able to call you my friend." smiled Nagito, his eyes closed like he was concentrating on something and his cheeks burned with the desire of holding Hajime's hand. He would interlock their fingers and they whisper to each other words only lovers spoke. ' **If only you knew how I felt about you, Hinata-kun'** he thought to himself, selfishly wishing that someday, Hajime would return those feelings. "I don't deserve you and your kindness." Nagito's eyes drifted down to his metallic hand, he kept staring at it, reminding himself of its origins as memories flashed within his mind. _

_Junko died, there was nothing left to worry about. Hope overcame despair as Nagito always wanted._

_**But he was still not happy.** _

_"Komaeda, that's not true at all. This is basic human kindness, you deserve to be treated equally." Hajime frowned before relaxing his expression, Nagito wasn't to blame for the way he acted. He didn't 'just think like that'. There was a whole story behind him and Hajime desired to know it, to finally be able to understand Nagito 100% and be normal friends with him. 'Friends . . .', the word felt funny to say because Hajime knew how he felt at the time. There wasn't something or someone holding back those feelings from him. He knew very well that he was in love with his best friend._

_Both of them knew how much they loved each other, something that went far beyond friends._

_But neither of them could bring themselves to tell the other how they felt._

_"I have everything yet I feel not even a speck of true happiness, of true hope." ' **unless I'm with you'.** "Hinata-kun, this can't be anything besides selfishness." Nagito felt like he could cry an ocean of tears, but not one tear shed. He simply couldn't bring himself to show any sort of weakness towards someone so strong. He knew Hajime was incredibly understanding and wouldn't ever leave him alone, especially not in a despairing state. But the fear of hurting him, the fear of the events from the Neo World Program happening again never let him sleep without trouble. He was like a kitten standing in front of a pack of lions, small, weak, fragile, and easily scared. **He was scared of his own self.**_

_"How someone feels isn't up to anyone or anything." spoke Hajime, his voice and facial features softening as he looked at the boy in front of him. He'd already noticed how pale Nagito was, how underweight he was, how tired he looked, and he saw the gleam of sadness in the lucky student's eyes. Nagito needed his help. He needed to save him—_

_He needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to, needed to._

_"Understanding as ever, so like you Hinata-kun. No wonder you're so popular, especially with the guys." Nagito let out a laugh, a **fake** laugh. Having every talent possible to humanity came very handy when trying to piece out how someone left. But, Hajime didn't use any. . . he wanted to understand Nagito with his own heart, not with artificial talent created when his mind and body were taken over by a completely new being, a being that was partly him and a being he had parts of._

_His lips formed into a barely visible simile, confusing the other a little. "I'll do everything I can to help you. You're a close friend, Komaeda." Nagito hadn't been expecting nor even knew that Hajime thought of him as a **close** friend rather than a simple friend or classmate. The lucky student felt the words repeat themselves in his mind as butterflies roamed around his stomach freely._

**_'I love and want to understand him more than anyone else'._ **

* * *

Upon more analyzing and thinking, Hajime learned more about the intruder inside both the Island he lived on and inside his mind. A pile of nervous feelings piling themselves on Hajime. If this intruder has been tampering with his mind and emotion for a year now, then they must have been able to know everything Hajime thought and felt? The thought itself sent shivers down Hajime's entire body. He dearly hoped nothing of such happened or else his mind would blow up from embarrassment and over-thinking. 

_Was it even possible for someone to be able to completely take over Hajime's mind as they pleased without him knowing despite all the talents. . . ?_

"This was _—_ bound to happen. I told you, Hajime! My luck. . . it's going to kill you one way or another!" Nagito was shaking, his arms wrapped around his shoulders so naturally, like he was trying to comfort himself. The gesture made Hajime's heart sink, knowing about how Nagito grew up lonely with no one to comfort him and developed a habit of comforting himself as a coping mechanism to himself. Of course, that comfort was never enough to actually help Nagito and only reminded him of how _unwanted_ and cursed he was.

Hajime didn't think that telling Nagito everything from start to end with result in him blaming himself. . . " _Nagito_ , none of this is your fault." he simply stated but knew full well that it wasn't enough to convince Nagito anything apart from what he believed.

"You probably hate me now, after you've seen how weak I truly am. _I can't even act happy, Hajime._ " said Nagito, the tears in the corner of his eyes were threatening to pour done with no remorse. He tried to be strong, tried to face his fears of losing Hajime head-on without any problems, but his eyes disagreed. 

It was the first time Hajime had seen Nagito let loose of his mask so much that he'd cry in front of someone else. _He was hurting more than he let on. He pretended to be happy so no one would worry about him. He's been alone for nearly his entire life, healthy emotions are still a new concept to him._ "You can't control your luck and it won't harm anyone." explained Hajime, his breathing slowing down as a wave of discomfort hit him. He didn't know _why_ , he didn't know _how_ , all he knew was that he needed to get rid of this feeling or he might just _die_. Hajime sighed, the feeling still tight on his chest and aching for his mind. "We should call Naegi, he'll help us, I'm sure of it." he decided **not to** push past the limits, Nagito clearly needed support but not so much that he ended up feeling like he was useless or was a pain for others.

"Naegi-senpai must be busy with something, if he wasn't then he surely would have already called us by now." responded Nagito, tears still in his eyes and his arms still around himself. Hajime felt a strong wave of discomfort hit him at the thought. Not just about how The Future Foundation had totally betrayed them and their safety, but the mention of Makoto left an unpleasant feeling on his chest. He definitely didn't hold a grudge against the almost identical looking guy, but he did feel inferior compared to him.

_The term 'Naegi-senpai' kept ringing inside Hajime's mind despite having never been bothered by it until now._

He and Makoto were both the Ultimate Hope, his title was made in a lab whereas Makoto's came from within him. The minute he was born he had that talent, but for Hajime _—_ he had always been a talentless, average, bland, boring nobody that no one had cared for. He felt disgusting for feeling this _emotion_. Ever since Hiyoko had made a joke (at least he hoped it was one) about Nagito being in love with Makoto when Nagito claimed it was simple admiration, he couldn't stop the burning sensation that only grew over time.

It was certainly odd, but Hajime and Makoto were still alike in some ways despite being so different at the same time. _To be jealous of your own underclassmen says a lot about someone's confidence._ Hajime had been working on himself, but the progress was slow, too slow. Now he didn't want to call Makoto, he just wanted to curl in his bed and think about everything over and over again. Hajime couldn't possibly face Nagito love someone else: someone better than him, someone who could have anyone he wanted and live another second. Watching as Nagito fell in love with Makoto: the **better** Ultimate Hope, the **true** Ultimate Hope. Actually, he was probably already in love! Makoto was quite charming, Hajime could totally see him being Nagito's type. _Scratch that, Makoto was everyone's type! Everyone loves cute sweet boys._

Hajime didn't know what to do if Nagito was in fact in love with Makoto. The brunet would probably stay in his cottage forever and never talk to anyone until the day he died. The reality of being nothing being a tiny ant with no importance to the world hit home for Hajime. Who wouldn't want Makoto? He was practically perfect with no flaws whatsoever. He was kind, sweet, forgiving, cute, hopeful, admirable, heroic . . . he was everything Hajime could never be! After all, _Hajime was nothing compared to anyone._

 **If** Nagito was in love with Makoto, then that would mean he was definitely only being Hajime's friend for Makoto's sake. The brunet imagined the scenario: _Nagito asking Makoto what he desired from him and Makoto would ask him to be Hajime's friend._ _"Please be Hinata-san's friend. He's very pessimistic and lonely. Without a single friend, despair will overcome him." Hajime imagined Makoto saying, though the word choice was off, it didn't matter._ He was nearly convinced now, how could anyone not love Makoto? Hajime was just an asshole—an average, stupid, annoying, plain, boring, useless reserve course that had the audacity to live his like he was worth something. That's all he would ever be to anyone. No one loved him. He was sure his parents only cared for him after finding out he was alive because of Izuru's talents. It had nothing to do with him being their son or them loving him, he was sure they didn't anyway. **Makoto will always be better than him.**

Hajime's mind refused to let go of the jealousy that flooded it. The long silence, Hajime's widened eyes, the scared and nervous expression on his face, his hand on his other arm, and a tint of despair in his 'aura' said enough about the situation. Well, none of that mattered, he was sure Nagito was thinking of better things than worrying because a nobody was in a despairing state. "H-hajime?!" Nagito immediately wiped his own tears in the span of a few seconds before approaching the brunet, hesitatingly putting his hands on his warm shoulders as a sign of being there for Hajime with his full support. "Are you okay?" he asked, receiving silence and a look full of pain as a response from the other.

He was supposed to comfort Nagito but here they were: Nagito being the one trying to comfort the other and the Hajime being the one who was getting comfort. It only reminded him of how useless he was, _even with all these talents._

Hajime's head was slouched, his eyes on the floor, refusing to show Nagito any more of that selfish feeling that shined in his eyes. "Call Naegi," the effort it took Hajime to form simply two words was unbelievable as equally as it had been pathetic. But they weren't **just words**. Nagito didn't move, his breathing slowing down, his grip on Hajime's shoulder tightened and his expression tensing up. "I already know how you feel. It's only natural for someone who loves hope to fall in love with the Ultimate Hope." Hajime wiped the sweat on his face and lifted his eyes to meet with Komaeda's, regretting doing so as he immediately spotted a blush on the lucky student's face.

_Right on the nail. That blush couldn't possibly mean anything other than what Hajime had been overthinking of. Well, now that's 'correct', it would mean that Hajime wasn't overthinking and the sheer idea that he was is nothing but a pathetic excuse for the 'small possibility' of Nagito liking him instead._

"You know about that?" asked Nagito, the blush still on his face. Hajime slightly nodded, his head shifting so their eyes no longer met. He readied himself for Nagito's obvious confession towards Makoto. _Makoto was the only one Nagito could possibly love, it just made sense. Hajime should have known it already, his puzzle piece just didn't fit with Nagito's no matter how many time he tried putting them together._ "I wanted this to happen somewhere more **romantic** , but. . . It's only right for me to properly confess now even if _—_ " Nagito paused, shaking his head with a calm smile on his lips. "You've already been so kind to me. It doesn't matter if you don't return my feelings, I will never regret our eyes meeting, Hajime. _I will never regret **falling in love with you.**_ " 

Hajim had mostly thrown away the possibility of ever being the one Nagito loves. He froze completely and slowly shifted himself so his and Nagito's eyes met once more. Nagito was still smiling, a mountain of emotions in his eyes. "W-wait what?" the moment was too much to comprehend on the spot. Hajime felt dizzy like he could fall any second _—_ he wondered if Nagito would catch him, though his cold hands were _still_ on Hajime's shoulder.

"I know how self-conscious you always feel, Hajime. Always comparing yourself to others, putting everyone ahead of yourself and overworking until you pass out _—_ you really need to take care of yourself more." Hajime felt all his worries wash away, Nagito was _in love_ with **_him_**. Not Makoto, not anyone else.

It was like Hajime _was special._

* * *

"What the hell is taking them so long?" Kazuichi asked, receiving an annoyed look from Fuyuhiko. Everyone else but Hajime and Nagito were gathered at the restaurant, trying to call The Future Foundation and get a hold of the situation. They didn't know just yet that the intruder had also taken over Hajime's mind, so they simply assumed it was someone hiding amongst the shadows of the Islands. 

"Didn't you say one of them asked the other to talk privately? Sounds a little suspicious to me." whatever Teruteru was indicating with that tone of his, Kazuichi wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. Fantasizing about his soul friend doing weird things with Nagito was out of the world. "I suppose you're right. Komaeda-kun could never please someone like Hajime-kun with that _—_ "

"HANAMURA TERUTERU! Recite rule number 39 of the Hajime fan club guidebook!" demanded Nekomaru, a competitive look in his eyes. 

"Rule number 39: fantasies of our beloved Hajime-kun are only to be spoken of during club meetings and nowhere else." recited Teruteru, a tint of annoyance in his tone. His voice was awfully low and bored.

"What the hell is wrong with you two?!" Kazuichi exclaimed, taken back by the mention of a strange fan club that was supposedly held in the name of and for his soul friend. The pink-haired knew that Hajime was popular, but going as far as to make a fanclub for him truly terrified Kazuichi and reminded him of what people were capable of when it came to love. He was recently trying to look through the 'crush' he had towards Sonia and this new problem of having an intruder was making everything worse.

"Those damn Future Foundation bastards, fuck them!" shouted Fuyuhiko in an attempt to let loose of all the bottled up anger and hatred he held for The Future Foundation. They stopped sending tasks for a few days, stopped checking in with everyone, then left one simple message about an intruder being on the island.

"Everything is their fault," Akane mumbled, her eyes looking down at her black shorts (they reached down to her knees), a few visible bandages on the bare part of her legs. After talking with Hajime during one of the therapy sessions he held every other week for his class, Akane brought up the subject of her past. With all the comfort she received from the others, Akane decided to wear shorts and a buttoned shirt instead of the skirt and revealing shirt she used to wear, realizing that she was way ahead of her past and could dress as she wanted. "they always blame us for everything." she continued, the others agreeing with furious expressions.

"Unreliable as ever," Mahiru commented, receiving a nod from everyone else. "we shouldn't waste our time worrying about them, we need to find that intruder now!" the red-haired took the lead, walking ahead of everyone else as they began searching the islands. Mahiru instructed everyone on what to do, filling in Hajime's spot as their leader.

"Hajime-kun and Komaeda-kun aren't here with us. Shall we wait for them?" asked Sonia, a worried look on her face. She always cared for her friends and classmates, even if some of them (mostly Nagito) were hard for her to understand or relate to, she still chose to be kind instead of judging. 

"The dark queen has spoken! Her wish must be granted, you mortals!" Gundham's iconic laugh was starting to bother Mahiru, it was more than obvious that this persona of his was nothing but a mask covering his more gentle and shy self as a defence mechanism. It was the same for Nagito, except it covered something else, _something more complicated._

"We'll just have to start without them." responded Mahiru with no sort of concern for the others like nothing had happened. "I trust Hajime has the situation in control."

Well, that was all they could do at the moment: hope that Hajime was having better luck than them with this sudden situation that lacked so much common sense it felt like a simple dream.

They wouldn't be able to live another day if they had to go through the horrors that occurred in the program once more, _even for just a second_.


	9. Love You With All My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: mentions of ab/se (includes gaslighting) and sc/rs! Stay safe!  
> ALMOST TWO WEEKS SINCE MY LAST UPDATE... I'm so so sorry for that :(, I was busy with work and school, I'll try to update sooner! Also, I'll be editing some of the chapters and adding a few things btw. This chapter is rather short, I apologize for that... I might update this one too so look out for that :0

_"Hajime, dear, we know you'll make us proud," said Hajime's mother to her son, a smile filled with hope as she hugged said son. "we love you and want the best for you." she added, waiting for Hajime to hug her back like a love-filled child should with their parents._

_Not even a word slipped through his lips like they were glued shut. The feeling of never being enough shined its brightest when Hajime is with his parents, even when he loves them both deeply. They were constantly demanding and pushing, wanting nothing but perfection from their son and going to extremes to achieve that dream of having a 'perfect child'._

_Well, allowing your own child to participate in a risky and unknown lab experiment that consisted of messing with someone's brain and body isn't something good parents normally do. At least, not what Hajime knows, he's never been close to his parents or any adult in general so his own feelings about the situation could be stupid and unusual._

_"Hajime, reply to your mother." ordered said boy's dad, a disappointed look on his face like it was all Hajime's fault. Like having a saviour complex where he only feels truly happy and meaningful when he was satisfying and helping others was just some act. Like every messed up feeling had randomly appeared for nothing._

_"Of course, I'll make you and mom proud." smiled Hajime, his smile so obviously fake as he hugs back his mom with little to no affection._

_"Now off you go to ou—your dream school, Hajime. Make sure to always listen to your teachers **no matter** what they say and study well. Good grades bring a lot of **good fortune**." Hajime's mother said to her son, a strange smile on her face as she waved him goodbye, watching her son take the steps to his future. But none of those steps were great enough for her or her husband, neither were they for society itself._

_No wonder why they would whisper **things** to him every time, even in public. His mother had gotten so mad at him once for receiving a 65 on his chemistry exam, she hit and yelled at her own son during the meeting with his teacher. With his parents' gaslight behaviour, Hajime had convinced himself that his success determined his worth as a person. If he failed in studying, he failed in life. If he failed in keeping his parent's expectations high, he failed in being worthy of everything._

_Hajime's life had always been like this. A few moments with his parents (they never mattered, none of them were good anyway) followed by Hajime going to school, coming back to do chores and study with some occasions of hanging out with Chiaki, his only friend. He desired the life Ultimates lived until he realized that talent wasn't anything if those who possessed it weren't happy themselves._

_The one who made him realize that truth was none other than Komaeda Nagito. Nagito's title as the_ _Ultimate Lucky Student gave the impression that the mysterious white-haired's life was_ _an easy run filled with pleasant good luck. **Oh dear, how terribly wrong that assumption was.**_

_Nagito was nothing like that. He was anything but someone who was happy and living a normal life. He was hard to understand and his lack of explaining himself only pushed people away from him, except for one particular reserve course student who tried to understand him while also trying to understand why he had still cared for Nagito during the program after everything he's done._

_Hajime came to the conclusion: Nagito needed him and he himself needed the other._

_Not like those cheesy romance 'I need you' trope, it was something else. Nagito himself was something else than everyone claimed him to be. He was more fragile and easy to shatter than he let on. More kindhearted than he seemed. More gentle than he looked. He was much more of a person with human emotions than everyone had painted him to be. He was similar to Hajime, too. That brought comfort for both Nagito and the other. To have someone you can relate to and talk about your feelings with always left an amazing and lively feeling for the two._

_That's why they need each other. **Because they're the only ones who could help the other.**_

* * *

Every feeling of jealousy and every inferior thought melted away from Hajime's mind (so did his beating heart), like a sandcastle on a beach getting washed away by the water. Nagito had just confessed his feelings for him, leaving Hajime in a tangled mess of emotions. "It's truly selfish of me to have such feelings—feelings that bring me comfort and make my heart filled with love. But even so, please don't forget that from the bottom of my heart," he stopped himself and with a low breath, continued on, "I love you, Hajime." Nagito walked closer to Hajime while holding his non-human hand to his heart, going on with his love confession, spilling out his feelings even more than just a simple few words.

Hajime needed to sort out his own feelings. He was deeply in love with Nagito, but the personal problems that were going on in his life at the moment and this strange intruder messing up with his emotions did not leave him in a well-enough state to be in a relationship, nonetheless with someone he cared for _a lot_. He didn't want to sound like he was rejecting Nagito, because truly: if at a better time he would have jumped at Nagito's confession. "You've always wanted someone's love, right Nagito?" asked Hajime, already knowing the answer but still waiting for a confirmation.

A look of guilt crossed Nagito's face, "That's true—But you don't have to force yourself to like me just because of that! Being your friend has already brought me such an endless amount of happiness." _misunderstanding and miscommunication don't solve anything, Hajime knew that all too well._

Hajime let out a sound of relief, "Nagito, I'm speaking with more honesty than I ever have: I _want to_ give you my entire heart and attention, but after everything is all settled." explained Hajime, regretting the cheesy way he phrased his feeling for the other but felt more confident in himself and confession after receiving a shy and confused look from Nagito. _"I- I feel the same way."_

Nagito's expression had quickly changed, from calm and loving to confused and shy but still loving— _he was always loving with Hajime when they all woke up from the program._ "My feelings are mutual?" he asked, disbelief in his voice as his hands lightly shook and his cheeks turned light pink like the tip of his hair. His eyes were threatening to pour endless tears, again. Hajime smiled, feeling his own cheeks warming up at the pleasant situation of finally having confessed his feelings and learning how Nagito had been feeling the same way for so long. But of course, _life isn't as easy as that._

Hajime quickly nodded and proceeded to explain the situation between his mind and emotions and this intruder or thing or whatever was inside his mind that was strong enough to mess with emotions in a way that Hajime couldn't notice. Nagito nodded, not saying anything while his mind began coming up with possible suspects and methods this infamous intruder could have used. "I need some time before we can settle in a relationship. I want to take everything slowly—so that every moment with you is even more meaningful than the other." Hajime concluded, hoping that Nagito would understand his request even with his clear desperation of being loved. 

The two smiled at each other, receiving an equal understanding from both ends. But Hajime could feel that neither smiles were happy in any sense. "Of course, Hajime. I need some time too, I don't want to hurt you. I could never live with myself if I did." Nagito's condition had improved, being much better than it was nearly two years ago, but there's still a lot of room for improvement and Hajime didn't want to disturb it or distract Nagito from his self-development at such a crucial time. Not just that, knowing that someone had been messing with his mind and emotions worried him endlessly. If anything, it made him feel self-conscious of his feelings towards the other and whether or not he'd be able to fully return them and give Nagito the loving lover he _deserves and needs._

Hajime wasn't ready just yet to explain his own thoughts, he didn't want to end up hurting either Nagito or himself. They both deserved a happy ending and Hajime was going to make that ending happen no matter what. "Thank you, Nagito. We should go back to where everyone is, they must be worried." Hajime pointed at the door behind Nagito, receiving an innocent but awkward glare from the other.

"Before that Hajime, can you answer a question for me?" Nagito wasn't smiling neither did he seem relaxed at all, his body was more tensed than usual and splashes of emotions were written all over his face. Hajime slowly nodded, hoping that nothing bad of an outcome with happen. He already experienced enough of those for a lifetime. "What do you see in me? What could you possibly like about a scum like me? You can have anyone you want, so why love me of all people?" his metallic hand changing from its position from resting on his heart to resting on his side freely.

Hajime didn't sigh or show any signs of annoyance, Nagito was healing and getting mad at him was pointless and something Hajime wanted to never happen. "Before I explain anything, Nagito, you need to understand that there are always good and bad things about everyone." Hajime tried to sound as confident and certain as possible, this answer holds importance for both himself and Nagito. He _needed_ to convince Nagito no matter what, he needed to take risks and pour every emotion stored in his heart, even when something or someone was holding him back. If he was able to solve class trials, return to his own body, fuse with Izuru, defeat al Junko, help Makoto and The Future Foundation, help Ryota, help his classmates with their own personal problems, and so much more— _if he was able to say that he was in love with Komaeda Nagito, then he's able to help him!_ "You make me feel at ease, like all my worries were gone. Seeing you smile and be happy is contagious for me." he started with something small, warming up his heart for the amount of squeezing out emotions it was going to get. "You're the closest person I have, Nagito. You're always there to listen to my stupid rants, always smiling at _me_ , _like I'm special._ " 

"You're more than special, Hajime." said Nagito, looking at Hajime with his loving eyes that were filled with love and acceptance. "You're my hope." he smiled, like it was just a daily thing to admit how important Hajime was to him by wording it like Hajime was the center of the world.

 _'Hey, I'm supposed to be the one confessing!'_ Hajime thought for a brief second before Nagito's words overcame his mind, sending strange but not unpleasant feelings all over him. The brunet leaned in much closer, his face just a few inches away from Nagito. Being this close gave Hajime quite a view of things he hadn't noticed before. Nagito had a scratch on his forehead, reminding Hajime of the scar that marked memories of trauma on his own forehead. He decided to push away that memory and instead, placed his right hand on top of Nagito's white fluffy mess of hair while his left hand held the other's shoulder. The two stared at each other for a second before Hajime began running his fingers through Nagito's hair like he was petting a dog. Now that he thought of it, Nagito's hair did resemble that of a dog's fur, not to mention that Nagito loved dogs. Maybe he'd get him one, _seeing Nagito smile was worth dying for_. "You look nice wearing my clothes." said Hajime, his eyes examining the sweater Nagito was wearing, wishing he'd given him something thinner because damn, the weather was sure hot.

"Thank you, Hajime, I don't understand how you can find anything physically appealing about me. But, you would look even nicer in them yourself. That reminds me, we're not doing the fashion show, right?" Nagito changed the subject, he was improving a lot with his mental health and dwelling on anything wasn't going to help.

"I find you more than appealing." Hajime snuggled closer, resting his head on Nagito's shoulder while gently rubbing the other's back in circle motions. Nagito didn't move or breathe, affection and love were still all knew to him. But Hajime was determined to make him feel loved, even if he had to go to the end of the world to reach that goal. "You're comforting, strong, and very important to me. Please, don't belittle yourself like that." Hajime felt Nagito return the affection, putting his arms around Hajime's neck and bringing him even closer. _Truly a romantic scenario._

"I- I love, Hajime, m _ore than anyone._ " he said softly, a crack in his voice. Nagito was still in shock that Hajime returned his feelings, very shocked but also very happy. A desire of his had been fulfilled, how lucky he was. But he couldn't help but feel that Hajime returning his feelings was just a form of his own luck playing with him. With that possibility in mind, he felt overwhelmed and scared of what's to come. But then he reminded himself that this was _Hajime_ he was speaking of. He had hope like no other and had luck too. Something like Nagito's talent could never overcome Hajime, said person had proven that himself many times before.

"Is that the bunny keychain I gave you yesterday morning?" Hajime noticed that inside of Nagito's pocket a bunny-shaped keychain was comfortably laying there. His heart skipped a beat, remembering how he had held Nagito similarly yesterday where he gave him the gifts: cookies and a keychain that reminded him of Nagito. Nagito loosened his grip on Hajime's neck and moved his hands to Hajime's shoulder, gently squeezed them, his breathing normal with no sign of panicking. "I'll hold a personal fashion show for you only." offered Hajime with a smug look, receiving a shy but excited response from Nagito.

"Yes please, I'd love that." 

* * *

_They were standing in the center of the cottages, right next to the pool. No one else was there since it was late afternoon, they were all too busy for a swim, leaving the two alone. "Has your mind already gotten over the events that occurred on this very Island, Hinata-kun? I suppose being extremely mentally strong comes with being the Ultimate Hope: the world's saviour." Nagito's mint eyes wandered the figure next to him, stopping to take a long look at the shift in Hajime's expression. It had only been a week since their arrival at the real Jabberwock Island, surely it made sense why everyone— **everyone** still held the bad memories clear in their minds._

_"We've all messed up, a lot. It's not 'undeserved' for us to give you a second chance, Komaeda." Hajime ruffled with his hair, this week had been packed with stress and him playing the therapist and emotional support friend for all his classmates._

_"There's nothing worth putting your effort to understand about for trash like me." as odd and out of place as it was, Nagito smiled while saying those words. Hajime could tell Nagito was forcing that smile on his face, he always wore a mask and rarely ever let loose of it. A truly mysterious person—his colour scheme fit that image perfectly._

_"The future bears both despair and hope, your inner struggles are something you'll overcome." Hajime responded, a desire to swim in the pool in front of him overtaking his mind. Nagito on the other hand was feeling strangely attached to Hajime's words, they brought him comfort until a **memory** flashed in his mind, causing him to lower his head._

**_"No one with such a fucking despair bringing talent can ever be loved!—Don't worry, I will love you when no one else will, but in exchange, you must do what I say. Bring this world a despair they can never get rid of!"_ **

_"Hey, Komaeda, do you want to go for a swim?" asked Hajime, noticing how the other was deep in thought. He could easily read them, but that would require utilizing his artificial talents and using them to snoop in someone's mind was not what an Ultimate Hope would do. Instead, he decided to offer comfort in case those thoughts weren't anything nice._

_"That would be nice, thank you, Hinata-kun." Nagito said before opening the bag next to him, revealing the swimsuit he was going to wear. Hajime was stuck with debating on whether he would change to or swim fully dressed. He didn't like changing, especially not in front of people. Then Nagito, without hesitation, took off his jacket, shirt and pants, leaving himself in his grey striped boxers, causing Hajime's face to turn as red as his other_ _eye, while his mind was focused on the scars on Nagito's body. "You can stare all you want, I don't mind—actually, it makes me feel happy." he smiled, a small blush dusting his cheeks._

_Hajime tried not to read too much into what Nagito said, he didn't want to have a debate with himself of what Nagito had meant behind those suggestive words. "Nagito. . ." Hajime only used Nagito's first name when he was worried over the other and wanted to sound as sincere and genuine as possible. He knew of the scars' existence and knew about Nagito's life story, but seeing the scars was like a refresher of everything Nagito had been through, even when the scars were old and less visible._

_Nagito's body tensed up, his arms folding over his shoulder for comfort while sweat formed on his face. "You surely hate me now. With how long you've had to deal with me, I didn't expect you to last so long! I can't even be good to myself for you! I can't do anything ri—" Nagito cut himself from finishing his sentence when he felt Hajime's warm hand taking his own hand, gently squeezing them and waiting for Nagito to squeeze back. It was like a way for them to signal to each other whether they were feeling okay or not. Squeezing the other's hand for a 'yes' and staying silent for a 'no'._

_Nagito calmed down a little, the pouring sweat and hot feeling stopping, before scooting closer to Hajime, resting his head on the brunet's shoulder for support. He had completely forgotten how he was in boxers, enveloped at the moment he wished could last forever. Nagito squeezed back, letting out a breath he had held in for so long. "Let's get you changed, then you can come over to my cottage and we'll do whatever you like, okay Nagito?" the locked eyes before Nagito nodded and shifted his head away from Hajime's shoulder.  
_

_"I- thank you, Hinata-kun," he said, jumping a little at the warm touch of Hajime's hand touching his back. "you're always so kind, I'm so lucky to have you." he mumbled to himself before getting up and dressing back into his clothes with the help of Hajime, who didn't look away, making Nagito's heart melt of the possibility that he may have found him attractive._

_Hajime held Nagito's shoulders in his hands, his touch gentle and safe. "I want to help you, Nagito. Let me help you, please."_


	10. Nothing Was Ever Your Fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: mentions of sc/rs, Nagito's backstory, s/h and overdose (drugs). Stay safe!  
> Happy (late) Valentine's day!💌❤️🍫💞 Have some a flashback chapter for a treat  
> 

_Hajime and Nagito walked over multiple cottages before finally reaching Hajime's. The walk was silent with a few words of reassurance coming from Hajime every time Nagito nearly collapsed out of exhaustion but was held by the strong brunet. Hajime wasn't only planning on comforting Nagito and possibly letting the other open up when they left alone inside his cottage. He found this to be the perfect opportunity to take care of Nagito and run a few tests to see what was going on with the white haired's body. Of course, if any of that made Nagito uncomfortable or feel unsafe he would immediately stop. His top priority at the moment was Nagito, after all. "Why are you helping me? Even after all I've done?" asked Nagito as Hajime opened the door of his cottage, his head high while his arms were wrapped around each other for support._

_Hajime noted that Nagito seemed to be going through an emotional and fragile moment, there was no room for any more **scars**. Nagito was like a full overfilled bottle of water, couldn't handle anymore or even just what it had inside. Except, it wasn't water 'inside' of him, it was memories and feelings. "No one deserves to live a life where you have to worry over how your own talent will affect other people's safety." responded Hajime, his voice steady, opposite of how he was feeling. He was determined to help Nagito and everyone else. He was determined to become the world's hope and carry every burden on his shoulder while shielding the others from harm. _

_Nagito's body stiffened while his heart ached to hear more of Hajime's caring words. This feeling was all way too knew for him, but it felt good. Like a heavyweight had been lifted from his back and replaced with a light and sweet sensation— **of love**. Even when he knew he didn't deserve it, but he still noticed how Hajime had looked at him ever since he'd woken up. His glares were soft and filled with acceptance like Nagito wasn't the monster he's always been. "You're too kind to a guy like me, Hinata-kun. With how my luck is, your selfless kindness will surely backfire on you." said Nagito, almost forgetting how to breathe when he felt Hajime's warm and big hands take his cold and pale ones._

_"This is human decency, Komaeda." stated Hajime, his words simple but still very much effective. "Plus, I **want to** help you and I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon." he added, confidence beaming in his eyes when Nagito returned the soft gesture, his fingers interlocking with Hajime's. "Let's go inside, I'm going to cook something for you to eat and then we'll talk, okay?" Hajime didn't want to be forceful, asking for Nagito's own thoughts and opinion could ease the piling nervousness the white-haired was feeling._

_Nagito felt like he was in heaven with an angel surrounding him. The angel being Hajime and the heavenly feeling being Hajime's touch. Well, they were practically the same thing for the touch-starved and love-bound Nagito. The lucky student nodded and followed Hajime inside his cottage, their hands still linked together. With how Hajime was always ready to have guests—more so classmates that needed his support, his cottage was always organized and supplied with various items. Nagito felt more safe knowing that Hajime was always there for him and others._

_The two sat down on Hajime's bed, the brunt wrapping a blanket around Nagito and leaving shortly to go make the white-haired the meal he promised. In those moments, Nagito had felt both love and hate. Love for Hajime and hate for himself. His illness and mental state were improving, but only because of Hajime's (Izuru's?) good luck overpowering Nagito's bad luck. It made Nagito feel even more guilty. He was entirely dependent on Hajime like he wasn't a person of his own! "Hey, Komaeda, is rice with salmon, sweet potatoes, bread and slaw okay?" Hajime walked back in, a wooden spoon in his hand while he wore a blue apron with white blossom petals, very fashionable (If only Nagito knew they matched the brunet's undergarments)._

_Nagito knew there was no place for him to want more after everything Hajime had done for him. But, he truly missed the longing feeling of Hajime calling him by his first name. "A Western dish? Such a kind chef you are, Hinata-kun, to cook food for trash like me." Nagito decided not to ask for anything more and instead, remind himself of his true position: a monster deserving of nothing but poor treatment. Hajime should have hit him, but he didn't. He helped and forgave Nagito, even after the whitehaired showed everyone nothing but pain. He cared about Nagito, even after he saw all of Nagito's worst parts and moments. He saved Nagito, even after everything. He was **Nagito's hope.**_

_"You're thin as a stick, Komaeda. You need to eat better." answered Hajime, a nervous smile on his lips. "Have you ever eaten Western food?" he changed the subject, hoping for Nagito to not bring up any more self-deprecating things. It hurt to hear someone you care about hurt themselves right in front of you and Hajime swore to himself that he would do everything in his power to help Nagito._

_Nagito smiled so kindly, Hajime thought that he was looking at an angel instead of a traumatized adult with health problems stuck in a cycle of curses and in need of help. "I've tried some as a kid when I went to a restaurant with my par-" Nagito stopped. His parents were always a sensitive topic, Hajime was more than aware. Even when he only mentioned them once during the program, it was clear that Nagito only spoke of them because he trusted Hajime and wanted to tell him of his life._

_The cottage fell in silence, not a word coming from either Hajime or Nagito. But after a few minutes, the brunet decided to break the silence, "Don't push yourself. You shouldn't do anything you don't want to do." he assured and fiddled with his apron, hoping that his words were effective. He didn't want to end up using his (Izuru's?) talents when Nagito needed him. Genuine help and effort were so much better than artificial talents._

_Nagito sighed, "Such a disgusting and horrible scum I am, I don't even remember how my own parents look like." he said, both regretting and not regretting oversharing. He didn't want Hajime to hate him because he **wanted** him. But then again, he wanted Hajime to hate him because he didn't deserve him. Nagito's mindest never overlapped this much before he met Hajime and fell in love with him. _

_"Nothing was ever your fault." Hajime decided to tuck in the wooden spoon he was holding inside his apron's pocket as it definitely wasn't an appropriate time for cluelessly having a spoon in your hand while your friend (?) needed your support._

_Nagito gripped on the blanket around him, shielding himself as Hajime had done for him ever since he woke up. "You may not hate me as much as everyone else now, but soon, you'll grow sick of me. I don't blame you, of course. This is just how a lowly human like me should be treated." he said, an odd and care-free tone in his words, like a secret cry for help that Nagito refused to speak of._

_"You're my friend and classmate." Hajime tried not to simplify or sugar coat his thoughts. "You're just as important as everyone else. There are both good and bad things about you, but that's completely normal. What's not normal is how you treat yourself." he said while moving closer to Nagito, their eyes locked like one of romance movie moments where both parties realize their love for each other. That description wasn't that far off. Nagito already knew he was in love with Hajime, his love for him grew every day they spent together. Hajime, on the other hand, was still in progress when it came to his feelings for Nagito. Not to mention how having someone or something controlling your mind only made matters worse. It only made Hajime realize his feelings later and only made him feel worse for not noticing the intruder's existence and moves._

_Nagito threw out Hajime's words, not giving them a second thought because he knew he didn't deserve anything at all, including Hajime's kindness. "You're wrong. I'm not worth anything, I'm nothing but a stepping stone for those breaming with hope." Nagito tried to keep himself calm, desperately wishing to not burden Hajime ever again. "These ugly scars are a perfect example, Hinata-kun."_

_Hajime threw off his apron on the floor, the wooden spoon gently hitting with a low sound as he slowly approached the white-haired sitting on his bed. Nagito slightly jumped, wrapping the blanket over his head while his eyes met with Hajime's again. He upset the Ultimate Hope, how despairing. Hajime didn't deserve to feel anything but happiness, acceptance, and love, yet he was wasting his time worrying over some sickly and cursed boy. "Komaeda, it's not your faul—"_

_Nagito interrupted him._ _"My parents are dead. I'm sick, alone, and have always been hated by everyone. I've been through continuous bad luck." the white-haired stated without further explanation, leaving Hajime both confused and uncomfortable to hear Nagito speak of his tragic life story, again. "There's no place for pity. This is my punishment for being such a waste of space who only ruins everything."_

_Hajime sat down on his bed facing Nagito, "Can I hug you?" he whispered and hugged the boy in front of him when he hesitantly nodded. Hajime was so gentle and calming. It felt so right and meant to be to Nagito. His arms around Nagito were strong but gentle. Nagito sank into the moment, his head on Hajime's shoulder. He allowed his entire body to relax without his self-worth being mentioned in neither the conversation nor his mind. "Your luck isn't something you can control. If you can control it, wouldn't you have made it stop? You didn't deserve to go through any of that, Komaeda." Hajime's words felt like a stab in the heart, Nagito wished he could just lock himself somewhere far away so he could no longer bother anyone with his problems._

_"Everyone hates me, Hinata-kun, with and without my luck." Nagito mumbled into Hajime's shoulder, his tears soaking the brunet's shirt but Hajime didn't care. Right in front of him was his friend in need of comfort and Hajime was determined to do his best in helping Nagito without stepping any boundaries. "All I've ever wanted is someone's love." Nagito didn't care anymore if Hajime saw him crying. He truly wanted to be strong for the one he loves, but with how Hajime spoiled him with so much affection, he couldn't possibly keep it together any longer. Hajime was the only one able to shatter Nagito's mask of lies in ways that didn't involve violence, but rather **love** and **comfort**._

_The brunet takes a slow breath, the last sentence hitting home harder than he wanted. "I've never hated you, Komaeda." he revealed and felt Nagito shiver lightly in his arms when he began playing with his hair. "I care about you and you are just as important as everyone else here. I want you to be happy." Hajime wanted to say that he would be the 'someone's love' Nagito talked about but decided against it. He wasn't sure of his or the other boy's feelings and certainly didn't want to possibly end up manipulating or forcing Nagito into a relationship out of his desperation._

_The scars on Nagito could never fully heal. The pain in his chest and the guilt he felt only grew stronger by the day. But all Nagito could think of, even after everything, is Hajime. Hajime had been living in his mind for quite some time and hearing him admit to never hating Nagito (maybe he even thought of him as a friend?) made the white-haired's heart beat faster than a thousand running horses._

_The thought of Hajime loving Nagito was all too sweet for the lucky student. He couldn't believe himself for thinking that Hajime would stoop so low for trash, but he also couldn't stop himself from daydreaming about it. It made him feel good, even when none of it was real. . . at the moment._

_Maybe he and Hajime were really destined to be? He hated himself for thinking about such nonsense. Hajime was too good for anyone, nonetheless for someone like Nagito. Nagito was far below the Ultimate Hope himself, thinking that the other could love him was out of the question._

_But then again, was it really that impossible?_

* * *

Nagito and Hajime spoke for a little while longer, giving each other compliments, small love speeches, and even a chaste but sweet kiss on the cheek from Hajime (Nagito nearly fainted as a result!) before leaving the join the others. On the way to the third island's typhoon where everyone was gathering, they bumped into the very person who had brought Hajime to Nagito yesterday Morning. "I see you two are quite happy." said the Ultimate Imposter with a slight smile on their face. Even when they were trying to create their own identity, they were still quite mysterious and would commonly disappear doing their own things no one had any idea of. Maybe, they were some sort of assassin?! 

The two boys looked at each other with loving looks when they noticed how naturally close they were to the other. Hajime had his arm casually around Nagito while the lucky student had his robotic hand wrapped around Hajime's waist. "I'm more than happy being here with Hajime! It only makes me feel even more selfish knowing how troubled everyone else here why I'm enjoying myself with Hajime." sighed Nagito, though the smile on his face was still there as bright as daylight.

"Hey, I know this situation is shitty but that doesn't mean you have to be sad." stated Hajime, a nervous feeling creeping at the back of his head. He needed to get rid of this intruder lurking in his mind right now or he might just lose it. Memories and feelings were coming back to him, slowly, but they had still been erased out of his memory, slowly (again), without him noticing. Whoever was behind this would pay up a lot for the damage they've caused.

Nagito's eyes shine with hope as he gives Hajime an affectionate look, sending Hajime to a feeling full of love he never wanted to end. "You're always able to go through even the more despairing situations calmly with your head high, Hajime. I love that about you—actually, I love everything about you!" smiled Nagito, looking at (his boyfriend?) Hajime with a flirty and loving gaze. Hajime swore to himself that he was going to take Nagito on thousands of dates as soon as everything was solved and life was back to normal, or at least what was considered normal for _ex-Remenants of Despair_ who lived in a world that was still healing from Junko's despair.

"I don't want to intrude your pinning on Hajime, Nagito, but we have some serious issues to attend to. Naegi called, he's been wanting to talk to you, Hajime." they calmly said, their black and very much natural eyes on Nagito who shyly looked away at the word 'pinning'. It made him sound like a love-sick schoolboy trying to get his crush's attention and dearly hoped that Hajime didn't picture him like that.

Meanwhile, Hajime flinched at the mention of Makoto's name, receiving a gentle squeeze on his waist by Nagito's cold and non-human hand. "Let's go now, we don't want to keep Naegi waiting any longer than he already had." said Hajime and gave the two others a glance, receiving two nods of agreement in return.

"I've been wanting to talk to Naegi-senpai for a while now. Hopefully, he won't ignore me this time." Nagito awkwardly laughed, "I can't blame him, I've always been unapproachable."

Hajime wondered what Nagito meant by 'wanting to talk to him', but pushed away every negative thought. ' _Nagito loves **me** and I love **him**.'_ he repeated in his mind, easing the anxious feelings stored inside his mind. There was nothing wrong with Makoto, of course. He already had a partner of his own and was clearly not interested in anyone else, especially not Nagito. The short brunet didn't even exchange one word with the other lucky student on their first and only meeting that had lasted for less than a minute. Though, Hajime was sure Makoto wasn't trying to be rude or hostile when he had ignored Nagito. The 'meeting' was sudden, strange, and quick—Makoto must have been shocked and maybe even uncomfortable.

Makoto was both easy and hard to read for the human eye. But, Hajime with his cynical self and multiple abilities, was quick to tell when someone's mood changed. Talking to Makoto wouldn't be hard for someone like Hajime. "I want to have a talk with Naegi, too." Hajime said before noticing that the Ultimate Imposter was out from sight probably doing their own things. "We need to know what happened. The Future Foundation probably already knows but for _some reason, good or bad,_ they aren't telling us anything."

* * *

_A small boy with fluffy and untamed white hair was laying down next to the crashed plane, injured but to a survival level. He was the sole survivor. Dozens of innocent people were dead. The workers were dead._ _The hijacker (though deserving of it) was dead. His parents were dead. And it was all because of him and his cursed luck cycle. It wasn't a view for a 7 years old child to see—to see a hijacker with a gun pointed at his mother, threatening to kill her if she didn't do as she was told. To see a meteor hit the very plane he was on. To see his own parents covered in blood while the plane crashed down, feeling light-headed, scared, and sick until he passed out._

_"What's your name, dear? Do you remember what happened? It's okay to cry. Don't worry, we'll get you out of here and you'll soon get better." they told him, but all he cared about was to know what had happened to his parents. They couldn't possibly be dead. They were too strong and too good for this world to just die!_

**_Nagito's luck held no mercy._ **

_That was the start of his luck: a talent so painful to bear, it always brought dark memories and traumatic experiences just by simply thinking of it. Then he met someone with strong enough luck that was able to control Nagito's. That person was longer here. Instead, there was someone new in their place. Someone so much better. Someone with **emotions.** Someone who was so warm to be around, Nagito was afraid he'd forget how to breathe whenever that special someone looked at him with his hopeful smile._

_Getting kidnapped while walking to school on your own, thrown out like trash, then finding a winning lottery ticket for tons of money was the next major luck-based event that had happened in Nagito's life. Getting diagnosed with multiple serious health problems and then getting accepted into his dream school right after. Life for Nagito was nothing but a cruel and sick joke with no meaning apart from torturing Nagito and those who got close to him._

_Nagito's life was a cycle itself, the same things happening until one unexpected thing happened, leading to another until his luck calmed down, probably warming itself up before attacking Nagito again when he was still recovering from the previous one._

_Nagito would attend his class, make a stop at the hospital four times a week, then go back home to his empty and dark apartment where he cried to himself until his eyes ran out of salty tears to pour. Sometimes, he would cut himself using all sorts of sharp objects or drink bottles of unknown substances he got at a local pharmacy that really needed a change of employees. It made him feel better about himself as he cried out his sadness, frustration, anger, and pain. No one ever heard his cries for help nor have ever seen the scars on his arms and legs or realized how frail and weak Nagito was because of malnutrition and his luck. There were all sorts of scars that represented his past, present life, and future._

_Bad luck followed by good luck. An inescapable cycle._

_Similar to how Nagito loved Hajime till' the end of the world. They both never ended._


	11. Parents Don't Ever Give Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please re-check the tags!!! Cw: for mentions of ab/se, drugs, s/h and suicidal thoughts + attempt. Stay safe!  
> I'll update this chapter tomorrow when I finish school and I apologize beforehand about how scrappy, badly-written, and short this is. About the late update,,, I've been feeling like absolute shit lately and seeing my triggers only made my mental health worse. I love writing and I assure everyone that I won't drop this, I just need some time on my own until everything is settled. Thank you sm for waiting :)

"Hajime, dude, where are have you been!?" exclaimed Kazuichi when he saw his soul friend enter the building, only to stiffen when he noticed how the brunet's arm was curled around Nagito who had his hand around the other's waist. There was only one meaning behind this and Kazuichi hated knowing it. He still wasn't over everything Nagito had done in the simulation. Seeing the one closest to him drift away like leaves in the fall and fall into the arms of the one he despised the most stung like ice being poured over your body during the cold and brutal winter.

But before the pink-haired could speak any further, Ibuki quickly ran over to the happy pair. Mikan was closely standing by her side, a colourful bag that is commonly given on special occasions in her hands. "Hajime-chan! Ibuki and Mikan-chan are very happy for you and Nagito-chan!" Ibuki waved her arms around like crazy before gently settling them on Mikan's shoulders. The musician had energy Hajime questioned how it was possible for someone who looked so weak to have.

Mikan handed Hajime the bag, "This is f-for you a-and Komaeda-san!" she said with a shaky smile. Even though she and Nagito did (sort of) become on neutral grounds, it was too recent for the purple-haired to completely get over the events that occurred during her trial in the program. Nagito said he would _never forgive her_ and that she was so terrible she could be considered the _Ultimate Despair_. In return, she told him _no one_ would ever love him. They hit each other's weak spots with no remorse.

"Thank you very much, Mioda-san and Tsumiki-san." smiled Nagito while taking the bag from the nurse. He looked at Hajime, who was happily weakly smiling back at him. There was stress in the brunet's eyes that Nagito wished to ease. "We'll have everything settled, don't worry." Nagito whispered to his love, Hajime's smile only growing. Hajime still felt a heavy sort of pressure on him, though it seemed to have gotten lighter with Nagito's reassurance.

Hajime felt a tap to his shoulders, he wondered who it was and turned around to find a short brunet he was familiar with all too well. "Hello, Hinata-kun! It's so nice seeing you! Uhm, sorry for the sudden visit, I hope it's okay." said Makoto, his mere presence boosting Hajime's mood greatly. Now that Hajime cleared his head, he noticed the resemblance between Makoto and his beloved Nagito. It made his heart jump whenever he heard the short brunet's voice and the way he too called Hajime 'Hinata-kun' with a sense of adoration.

Hajime couldn't keep it a neutral expression nor posture. After having gotten jealous of Makoto due to his own stirring and confusing emotions, Hajime told himself to never be so blind about someone so kind and loving. "You came in person?" the taller brunet practically jumped on the poor shorter and smaller brunet, wrapping him in a long hug. Hajime wasn't the affectionate type, leaving Makoto confused with a dozen questions.

Nonetheless, Makoto hugged back, his head sinking into Hajime's chest. Nagito was happy to see Hajime get along so well with someone he couldn't, at all. Though, that didn't stop Nagito from feeling slightly _jealous_ of Makoto. Funny, both Nagito and Hajime were jealous of the same person. When the two pulled away from the hug and went into their own personal spaces, Kazuichi approached both brunets and gave the taller one a judging glare. "Yo Hajime! Everything's good, you can go back to making out with Nagito or whatever." said the pink-haired mechanic, a sour tone on the tip of his tongue.

Hajime reddened while desperately trying to convince everyone that nothing of such sort had happened while they were inside Hajime's cottage. On the other hand, Nagito took Hajime's hand, trying to ease the embarrassment Hajime was feeling. Nagito was confused by what Kazuichi said. The mechanic claimed that 'everything's good', but what did he exactly mean by that? "Did something happen?" asked Nagito, gently rubbing his love's hand to comfort him. 

"The Future Foundation was just running a test for you guys, there was no actual _intruder_." revealed Makoto, an awkward smile on his face. It was obvious he didn't agree to that decision and was likely forced to come here in the first place. Makoto was probably the only member that class 77 wouldn't beat up after hearing such news. "Really sorry for getting you guys all worried." chuckled Makoto as he rubbed the back of his neck. 

"That's a relief. Glad everything's okay." Hajime tried to smile and so he did, except it was bright as daylight that the smile that had randomly formed itself on his lips was forced and uncertain. Nagito didn't look too pleased with Makoto's answer like he wanted to hear more like he was expecting more.

"Is that all?" asked the white-haired to the other lucky student, who only gave him a shrug and then a nod as a response. Nagito nodded back and took Hajime's hand into his own, slightly startling (his boyfriend?) Hajime. Then, the light in his eyes faded in mere seconds. "How disappointing. I would do anything to have such a title as the Ultimate Hope and here stands one who doesn't even know that something's been happening to Hajime." said Nagito, an insulting tone in his words. His mint-blue eyes were no longer shining with hope, instead, they were dull without even a drop of emotions.

Makoto felt like a weight of embarrassment even larger than the universe was thrown right at his soft face. "Uhm, sorry about that? I didn't know, but I will help Hinata-kun regardless!" responded the short brunet, his mood dropping like fragile glass hitting the floor from a great fall. "Please don't worry, I can take Hinata-kun with me and we could find the problem." explained Makoto once he saw the uneasy expression Nagito was in. "Back to _his parents,_ they've been asking about him non-stop." clarified Makoto, clueless to the inescapable anxiety his own words gave the other Ultimate Hope.

Hajime's once calm breathing dropped, any mention of his parents always left him on edge. He definitely didn't want to see them again, not after everything they've done to slowly ruin Hajime's life. They hurt him more than the students at his old school did and that was saying something. Hajime just wanted a break from all the hurting, but life never went his way. Life never did anything good for him, there was no reason to hope.

That must have been why he was so confused about Nagito's past ideologies about living. Living with the hope that everything would get better because of pure chance was on Hajime's bottom 'ways to live' list. But truly, having hope was just an unhealthy coping mechanism Nagito had developed throughout his life. It wasn't some twisted view evil itself would come up with to justify its own actions. It was someone's one and only life goal that kept them living. _To live with hope._

* * *

_"Hajime. . . why did you get a 68 on your test?" asked Hajime's mother, her tone calm, so shocked to have such a failure for a son she had no words left. Hajime, on the other hand, wished it all over. He wished he was done with school and his family. They were the major roots of his stressful life, after all. There was no running away from failure, it always stuck to you like gum._

_Hajime's grip on the test page was tighter than ever. "I- I don't know." he simply said, desperately wishing for his mom to not care and leave him be. His response only cracked the hidden anger inside her even more._

_Her eyes narrowed, Hajime's words were more than stupid and his mother never hid how she felt about her son nor anything he did. "I'll tell you why, it's because you're not good enough." Hajime wished her words didn't hurt so much. He wished he just wouldn't care about anything, then he would never get hurt._

_Even when Hajime (more so Izuru at the time) had no or very little emotions, he was still **never** good enough, not even for himself._

_That's why he studied until he passed out. That's why he always sat alone with no friends around. That's why he was so surprised that Chiaki would want to be friends with him. That's why Nagito's kindness and love were such new concepts for him. That's why he signed up for the **Kamukura project.**_

_'Stab yourself. Cut yourself. Starve yourself. Drug yourself. Tire yourself. Hurt yourself. Hang yourself. Drown Yourself. Kill yourself. Just do anything to get rid of your worthless existence!' were not words a kid wanted to hear from his parents, people who were supposed to love and support him till the end of the world. "I want a better son, one that will make me happy instead of coming home as a failure!" she yelled out until her throat hurt. Regardless, she blamed Hajime for her lost voice._

_Hajime will never be worth even one cent, that's how she made him feel every single breathing moment in his life._ _And even after years and years of hurting her own son, she still said she ' **loved'** him. _ _He couldn't bring himself, even when he wanted to, to shout his anger out and show this monster for a mother what she's done to him. The damage can't be repaired overnight, hell it probably couldn't even be repaired at all!_

_They won't apologize, they won't be better people. You have to end it yourself._

_Take a knife from the kitchen and position it to your neck, then quickly stab the knife in and hope it doesn't hurt too badly. Of course, that never happened since even with such thoughts in mind, Hajime was too scared to die, unlike Nagito. Neither of them had any reason to live until they met. Their lives have truly changed since then._

_It would be okay. He wouldn't need to shed blood or any more tears. He wouldn't need to harm himself to feel better. He wouldn't need to walk through another pharmacy in order to find pills that would ease his suffering. He wouldn't need to see his parents ever again after he and his classmates started living on the real Jabberwock Island._

_Or so Hajime thought._

* * *

After years without seeing them, _there came a day he would need to meet them again_. Hajime had no idea how long that 'meeting' would be and even it lasted for half a second, he never wanted to see their faces _ever again_. "Hey," said Hajime to himself as he looked at the short figure of Makoto, who was right next to him. That weird event with Nagito led to an even weirder event that Hajime didn't want to speak of. It was unexpected for Nagito to act so rude towards someone with a title he admired like it was a person itself. "what's The Future Foundation like in your experience?" Hajime asked while having an idea for an answer. Makoto had brought him out on the fifth island's warehouse ( _where Nagito had died_ ) for a private talk. The two brunets were standing alone inside a forsaken 'building' older than both of their ages combined. The walls were cracking, sending swarms of nervous feelings down Makoto, but he knew it would be alright. He had Hajime with him, so everything would be okay.

Hajime had now two heavy topics to think of, his parents he wanted nothing more but dead and someone he wished had never died, even if Nagito's death in the simulation never truly happened. "I think it's nice, helping people and seeing them smile. Being with Kyoko makes it even better." Makoto grinned, his eyes meeting with Hajime. The taller brunet felt a spark in his heart _—_ a spark that lights up for Nagito only _._ "I admire your strength, Hinata-kun." sighed Makoto, "I always feel so small next to you."

"Really?" chuckled Hajime at the irony. A mutual feeling of both admiration and jealously, reminding the taller brunet why he was so fond of the shorter one. Hajime found Makoto to be actually really cute, though he would never admit it. Hajime had a small, a mix of platonic and romantic, crush on Makoto that faded when Nagito, his bisexual awakening woke up. He had been in love with Nagito before the killing game had begun in the simulation and that feeling went through a lot of changes before settling down into a pure and romantic one. 

"I don't understand Komaeda-kun and anything about him," Makoto stated suddenly while Hajime lightly laughed at his words. "not even a little. But you do." Makoto tried to refrain from being the least awkward as possible but talking about Nagito always made Makoto feel weird.

Hajime's laughs stopped, a serious and care-free look planted on his face. "The same happened to me, before. But now, all I want is to give him my heart." he confessed, being aware that he had never told Makoto about his feelings towards Nagito when he saw the short brunet's shocked but still happy expression. "Plus, I think you two are pretty similar." winked Hajime, thinking over the fact that he had long-lasting feelings for Nagito and a shorter-lasting feeling for Makoto, though he certainly didn't regret wasting his sleep dreaming about spooning the short brunet. 

"Hajime. . ." a voice from behind whispered. As that voice approached, Hajime turned around to see Nagito himself standing there. Nagito felt a swarm of butterflies roaming inside his stomach but the sight of Makoto made them crash, one on top of the other. He was surely going to have to apologize for his behaviour from earlier, but did he really need to? _He was only reminding Makoto what he already knew._

Hajime took a deep but quiet breath that only he could hear. He wished he wouldn't need to leave everyone behind nor to inform anyone of this news he despised more than his own being. "Naegi and I will leave Jabberwock Island in two weeks since we don't have any available transportation till then." despite everything, he put a smile on his face and leaned down, planting a gentle kiss on Nagito's human hand. Despite the very fact that they were in the place where a murder plan that resulted in Nagito's death occurred. 

_Don't leave me._

_Please, please, please don't leave me._

_I love you more than anyone._

_I don't want to be alone anymore._

_I can't have you be alone again!_

Nagito leaned in as well, his arms wrapping themselves around Hajime's back in a sweet embrace. "Please take me with you, Hajime." whispered the lucky student as Hajime played around with his fluffy hair. Hajime loves cats and Nagito's messy hair reminds him of one, it could be a cat of its own.

Makoto grinned at the sight in front of him, it resembled him and his relationship with Kyoko, filled with love and support. He missed Kyoko and didn't want Hajime to miss his Nagito either. "It's fine by me if it's fine by you, Hinata-kun." he said and watched the two love each other strongly.

"With you by my side, I can overcome anything." whispered Hajime back to Nagito. The two broke off from the hug and look at each other more passionately than they ever had. " _Let's move to the future together._ " Hajime wore a confident look, even when fear swam around his mind and heart, Nagito's mere presence was able to ease it.

* * *

_Hajime and Nagito were sitting on Hajime's bed, a tray of cucumber sandwiches and bottles of mango juice in between them. "Komaeda, you really need to eat and drink." sighed Hajime when he noticed Nagito looking to the side, completely ignoring the delicious food next to him._

_Nagito turned around, his mint-blue eyes meeting Hajime's red and dark green pair. "There's nothing to worry about when it comes to a lowly human like me." he said so calmly like he wasn't weak and underweight._ _How could Hajime, or anyone for the matter of fact, not worry about Nagito? He was on his deathbed and nothing and no one could save him but Hajime and his (Izuru's?) talents. Nagito was so fragile and easy to shatter. All Hajime wanted was for him to get better and live the life he wants._

 _'Is what I feel. . . love?' Hajime questioned his feelings for and thoughts on Nagito, although he wasn't sure whether they're platonic or not as he barely felt love at all in his entire life. Not even his own parents provided him with any sort of love or affection. His feelings for Nagito were_ _the closest non-platonic feeling Hajime had ever felt. He wanted to protect Nagito and help him. He wanted to see him happy and healthy. To be one of the reasons why Nagito's life changed and improved for the better._

_But was some reserve course with low grades who had given up his mind, soul, and body for a literal talent even capable of such a thing? Hinata Hajime, an average guy born with no talent, will never be good enough._


End file.
